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I am not against no contact for a short time it might work. It is however better to be open and talk to each other about things. Hiding away doesn’t solve problems.
In your case it is not clear why you are doing NC in the first place.PS Everyone could be a little bit of narcissist. If it’s combined with selfishness though it could be very difficult to maintain a relationship, maybe impossible.
Yes, you have a good chance to be happy. .. with someone else. This man doesn’t deserve your love. Find strength and forget about him. I don’t say it’s easy. I know that because I’ve been there. Don’t waste your time. If he really has feelings for you, he will find you.
Good luck!Hey Kali,
I will not say sorry to hearing that. There is one saying: When we lose something we don’t know what we gain.
It doesn’t matter if she had used you for a back up or not. It’s her life and she makes the decisions about it. People marry and divorce all the time.
It hurts no doubt, but we can try and learn a lesson so it doesn’t hurt next time. Because all we need is true love. Just keep your head up and never give up!You know people think that they have moved on and then they go back to their true love. Keep your dignity and don’t be ashamed of your feelings.
Good luck and don’t make your life a torture, she will get it one day, if not maybe the future has something better for you! ☺Hi Kali,
If you have feelings for her never give up. You never know what the outcome will be. Your happiness is in your hands. You just need to decide if she is the one who makes you happy. I admire you.
Just an update. I restarted my NC period. I did not reply to his last nasty text. He’s blocked me on Facebook but I don’t care. I believe that he’s trying to provoke me to act but I simply remain silent. Next day after he’s blocked me I received an email from him saying to let him know if I change my mind. However this email is still not polite enough and kind of big headed.
I keep reading different sources about NC rule and am very confused. Please read the following:
“… There is a good chance that your ex will contact you
during the no contact period. It’s okay if they do so,
you can talk to them. Just don’t become too friendly
and start talking about your personal life.When you are in the no contact period, treat your ex
like an acquaintance who you are in good terms with you.
Don’t try to be very friendly with them, and don’t be
rude to them. If you have to talk, be amicable but don’t
get too personal.”There is some contradiction. If I am in NC, why should I talk to him, even politely? I did that the last time and the result was a disaster.
So I am not contacting him, I’m not replying him with one word ignoring him for a long time. Then the confusion comes again. When I decide to end my NC period wouldn’t be strange if I initiate contact? It will be like both of us playing cat and mouse.
I wished if someone could explain to me this NC rule.Thank you again.Newgirl and Jasminka,
Thank you so much for your replies! I agree with both of you.
The sad thing is that while I was waiting to hear an opinion (4 hours, yes funny) I got into my soft mood again and wrote back to him. Then a conversation started and he tried everything possible to boost his ego again and again. He really thinks that he’s having me on a string. Yes, I am very soft and a loving person (so he was in our relationship). He’s got some much anger that he looks a completely different man now. I am actually worried about his health. I don’t think he realises that what he does to me he does it to himself too, he said some unforgivable things. One is for sure, if he didn’t feel anything for me, he wouldn’t be so mad at me. I know I deserve punishment but not forever. I need to stop this.
I now start a new NC period and this time I’m not going to spoil it. Like Jasminka said it will be for a very long time, I don’t know if I will ever try to contact him again as I believe that he owes me a huge apology. By the way I just found out that he’s joined a dating website (without a photo). It makes me think that what he said about seeing someone else was simply a big fat lie.
Now I am angry too. It doesn’t seem that anything I do for him can change a thing.
I wished I could see him finding someone else to replace me (at least as good as me). Good luck to him!
Thanks again for your advice girls!
I would still be happy to hear more from you.
I can be stubborn too and to be strong I owe you this favour.
What a pity for such a beautiful relationship like ours. Maybe one day he’ll realise what a mistake he’s made.Kali, only you know if you still love your ex and how strong, If you are in love with her you would accept her for what she is stubborn or not. There is no relationship without problems, however if there is love the problems can be solved.
I am not here to tell you what to do. I can only give my opinion and encourage you whatever your decision is.
Again about my experience, both my marriages were with someone who loved me. I thought that it’s not so important if I was in love with the person. I was wrong. You again mentioned that the other girl loves you but you don’t say if you love her. Will you be happy with someone you just like?
Begging doesn’t work, no need to say that. Women like confident men and those they can rely on.
For you most important now is to calm down and be confident. You are not old believe me, no need to rush into anything if you are feeling confused or not sure what you want. At least this way you will avoid more mistakes.
You deserve to be happy!You definitely are angry with her Kali and anger usually doesn’t bring anything positive. It doesn’t mean that you are not right.
Just think about how long time you have been patient. I understand that you feel old and want to settle. I am telling you from my own experience (after 2 marriages and 4 children) that being settled with the wrong person doesn’t make you happy.
Try to calm down and at least talk to her if she calls you. Or let her know somehow about your decision. That way you will not regret one day and you will know that you have tried everything.
I presume that you are lead also by the fact that there is another woman in your life now. If you think that you have feelings for her (not only feeling loved by her) maybe it’s time to move on. Just don’t keep anger in your heart and learn from your mistakes.Hi Kali,
It is normal to be frustrated and tired after so long time of chasing her.
About the car, you shouldn’t think this way, she probably didn’t want to brag about it. When her sister told you, did you text her with your congratulations to show her that you are happy about her achievement?I read your post twice trying to find a common sense.
It is obvious that you are angry with her. Not answering her calls looks like playing a game. It is very likely that she will not want to be involved in this game.
You are talking about an ultimatum, in fact the same what I suggested you to do in a proper serious conversation. Now, did you tell her somehow that you are not interested in her unless she wants a relationship with you? Or do you hope that she will find out about that by not answering her calls?Don’t give up Kali, the time doesn’t matter when you know that you are doing it for the right person, the woman you are in love with. Imagine a situation where she is ill physically. Would you just leave her because she’s not able to have a normal life for a while? It’s the same with the heart pain, she is hurt deeply and mentality unable to have normal life. She needs support and since you were in some respect the reason for her “illness” you are the one who needs to be next to her now. Why I think so? If she didn’t want to do anything with you she’d move on by now. She hasn’t, opposite, she still lets you in her life. Not only, she initiates contact with you. She says it’s up to you what you do with your life. Of course she can’t tell you ‘Please Kali, stay with me, I am ill and need your help, please be my remedy!’
Of course in a relationship there is giving and taking however it can’t be measured in any way and expected to be equal. When you love someone genuinely you don’t think how much you give and how much you take. Even if you are giving only you can still be happy.
If you think that your happiness with someone else is possible and you actually can build it forgetting about your ex, it’s your choice. I remember your concern that she might have someone else and keeping you just in case. I do not think so Kali, with this anger inside her if she had someone else she would tell you to go away by now. Who is your backup now Kali? Whoever is, it’s not fair for that person.
We are naturally selfish creatures and think about our feelings first and only. Maybe there wouldn’t be so many broken hearts if we could think just the same way about the feelings of the others.
Hi Kali,
Thank you again for your nice words, very kind of you.
I really understand your frustration since I got the same anger from my ex (it hurts).
I don’t know what to say because it is only you who knows how you feel about your situation. I would only dare to mention that if you really have decided to give up your ex, do it at once and forever. I’m saying that because you have written that you are slowly giving up.And again, I read your post, you are saying that you LIKE the new girl but she LOVES you and she would do anything for you. The question is what YOU would do for the new girl? Are you ready to forget your ex or you are going to repeat the same mistake?
In case you are entering another relationship and you are still in love with your ex, it might bring you more complications. Please do it only if you are sure 100% with yourself that you are not going back to your ex in case she gives you a chance.
If you really have feelings for the new girl (and you do not use her only for your healing) stop any contact with your ex. I know people who have reconciled after years breaking someone else’s heart. If you keep in touch with your ex it will mean that you are still hoping and it might hurt your new girlfriend even if she doesn’t tell you or show you in any way.I don’t know how it would sound to you but if you are slowly giving up, isn’t it a good idea to let your ex know about it first? How to do that?
If it was me, I’d try to invite her for a drink/meal (or anywhere else) for a serious conversation and tell her that you have been trying for so long time to prove your love to her, but you understand that it is not reciprocated and you have the impression that she doesn’t want to give a fresh start to your relationship. Then pause… and listen to what she would say, don’t rush, don’t press her! Give her plenty of time to react to your words. I know that it would sound like an ultimatum but I do not see other option for you. If she keeps contacting you (doesn’t matter with anger or not), it means that she intentionally or not is still giving you a hope. Ask her is it right or wrong? Is there a hope or not? If there is someone who knows that it’s HER. If she does not give you a straightforward answer, tell her that you do not wish to give up your LOVE, but you WISH to know if she still have any feelings to you because her attitude is confusing you. Be nice however be strong and proud because as you know begging does not help. If she cannot give you an answer or does not want to talk, ask her if she needs time to do that and how long. Say that it’s been almost two years, and life is too short. Tell her that you don’t want to waste her time if she does not appreciate your attempts. Tell her that you want happiness for everyone and for her and for yourself. Ask her to give you an answer so either she makes the effort to forget the past, either definitely to move on. Tell her that your love to her is strong however you do not want to bother her if she cannot see any future for both of you.I can only admire your patience trying to get your ex back, but if she does not appreciate it for so long time, maybe she does not deserve it. YOU know the best.
Good luck Kali, you are cool 🙂
Hi Kali,
I keep reading your posts and thinking about your situation. I don’t want to look like I try to defend or excuse her attitude. I am on your side (in a much worse situation than yours) but I am also a woman. That’s why probably and also because I have been “in her shoes”, I’d like to tell you a few things.
First of all, it is a BIG plus that she is still in contact with you at all.
Second, what she says is important, however MORE important is how YOU interpret her words and MOST important are YOUR ANSWERS to her. Yes, she still lives in the past and you need to help her to get out of there. When she says this or that, the things which hurt you, this is simply her cry for help. She provokes you to show her what is different about you then and now. She wants from you a confession (probably millions times) to admit that you have been wrong in the past, but also that you are determined to change that forever. It can be endless as you can guess. That’s why it is important for you to have a proper conversation with her, without teasing her or blaming her for anything. Be firm about what you say. Make her understand that you are a human and as such you have made mistakes but the most important is that you have learned from your mistakes a big time. Tell her that you have changed for good and because of her now you know what real love is. THANK her again for being next to you in the past. Tell her that what you would like more than anything now is the same woman next to you again. Make sure to emphasise that because of her you have grown up and what you would like is a healthy relationship WITH HER because you not only value her as a person, but you are in love with her. Tell her that you understand why she blames you but punishing you forever does not lead to anything but more pain for BOTH of YOU. Ask her if she would agree to try and not mention the past anymore. Tell her that you are prepared and want to wait and help her to heal her wounds but without more blaming you. Tell her that you know that it might take a long time but you will be there for her. Hopefully it will make her understand that you require the same respect as you are giving to her.
If you can’t talk to her face to face, as some people express themselves better in writing, email her your thoughts, and give her time. Maybe it is good to step back however it might be interpreted from her as giving up if you do not explain properly your intentions.
I do not say that I am right in my writing, I just try to help a person who seems to me genuinely in love, and love deserve the “fight” even if it takes a lot. I wished someone was giving me the same courage, and thank you for getting back to me before, because my writing to you actually gives me a lot of hope to myself as well.
All the best wishes to you and her!!! And everyone who reads this…I think that you are doing great. You are very patient which shows your consistency too. You should realise that the outcome is mainly in your hands. It is up to you to decide what steps you will take because you know her best. I think that you should not stay in the friends zone for too long time but become more assertive, and at the same time gentle and delicate since you don’t want to scare her off. Don’t let her think that you keep in touch just because you want her friendship.
You shouldn’t be bothered if there is someone else in her life. She’s had strong feelings for you and these feelings can’t just disappear. You need to show her that she can trust you and she will open her heart again.
If you find out that there is someone else, keep calm and maintain your confidence. Do not show any jealousy because it will ruin everything. Ignore any thoughts about someone else. In order to succeed you must believe in her love to you too.
You shouldn’t stop believing in the happy end.
