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Try not to rush things. Unfortunately this is a LONG process. It really sucks, but if you are patient, good things will come your way.
What are you doing in your spare time? Are you keeping yourself distracted so that you don’t constantly think about your ex?
Sometimes we have to initiate the contact but only do that if you have a valid reason. Also when you do see each other. Be positive, don’t come off as desperate, sad or impatient. Just be her close friend, joke around with her etc.
May I also ask, how long was your relationship and how old are you?
I know how painful it can be to wait for a text or call that never comes. Especially if it’s from someone that you used to be so close with once before. Honestly I really do share your pain 🙁
I hope the support on this forum helps you as mush as it helps me. It is good to know that other people are going through the same experiences.
Wow, that sounds like great news 🙂
So she is still open to the idea of a relationship.
Listen to her and try being a good friend. Everything will naturally progress from there.
However don’t let yourself be taken advantage of.
Things seem to be improving and progressing.
We are proud of you, good job 🙂
Update on my story. Yesterday I visited my ex and her parents. We all chatted and caught up on the past 5 months. It was great everyone was really positive and happy. I caught my ex a few times gazing at me with that look that lovers have. It was an amazing feeling.
She is leaving the country tomorrow so this was the last time I would see her before she comes back.
Here’s the interesting part. When I was leaving and saying bye to her, we were hugging but it was more like a cuddle. She was in my arms with her eyes closed and a big smile on her face. It was just like old times. I then physically picked her up while hugging and she put her legs around me and gave me a small kiss. She also complimented me on my looks and smell, saying she loves it. She asked what I was wearing so told her she had to guess. We cuddled a bit longer and then I had to leave.
I’m not sure if I messed up here but as I was leaving I said “I love you”. She replied saying “you can’t say that” but it was in a playful joking tone. I said “but I do” and then we left.
I sent her a text about 15 mins later saying “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable and I really enjoyed seeing you and your parents tonight…”
I presume she went to sleep cause I got a reply today saying she “didn’t feel uncomfortable but is just wary of giving me the wrong signals because she still needs to find her self and what she wants in life”. I agreed with her saying “yeah I think we need a bit of time”.
We seem to be on really good terms and we are even going to a concert together in September when she gets back.
Also she seems to really care about me as I told her I still haven’t been for a blood test I was meant to go for and the beginning of the year. She was very worried and even offered to go with me today haha.
What do you think about this whole thing. Do I still have a chance. What should I do?
Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks.
To robertv, wow this sounds just like what I am going through, like to the T. We become to complacent thinking that they will never leave us cause of our history and love for each other and then BAMB they are gone.
To mrFZA, you have a great attitude towards this. Keep focusing on yourself and you will feel a lot better. Your story it almost identical to mine. I hope our exes will start to miss us but we cant count on that. For now we need to make ourselves happy.
Keep up the good work and keep us posted 🙂
Join a gym, it helps a lot and push yourself. Become the person you’ve always wanted to be. Change your routine, your lifestyle and appearance.
Thats what I am doing and it’s really helping me a lot. I have gained a lot more confidence and am seeing changes in my body. A lot of motivation is coming from trying to win my ex back (I know is sounds bad but it’s really helping). Even if it doesn’t happen, I will be happy with myself and my progress.
Focus on yourself and your kids now. Things happen when we least expect them to and you never know what the future holds.
Thats great news. Do you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders?
Did you post the letter or drop it in her mail box?
Stay positive, I sure you will get the right outcome 🙂
For now just focus on yourself 🙂
This seems really toxic. Sometimes Ex’s are worth fighting for but your ex seems to be manipulating you. He is cold in person and quite frankly an asshole, but then apologises to keep you guessing in case he wants to come back.
He may be doing this because he’s afraid of loosing you but then again it was his choice to leave.
I think you should stop playing his games, get your stuff and don’t contact him again. I know its hard trust me, I struggled to stop contacting my ex of 5+ years, but it definitely gets a lot easier with time.
You WILL find someone way better than him who will treat you properly.
You CAN do this, be strong, you don’t need someone like that in your life. You deserve better than that.
Keep us posted 🙂
I would say send it soon. From your other posts I’v read, she seems quite positive and looks like she still cares a lot for you. By the sounds of it you seem to be pulling back from her when she shows interest. This could be sending the wrong signals to her.
Send it to her and let her think about it. You will be busy too, so you won’t get time to let your mind wonder if she doesn’t respond.
I think you have a good chance at getting her back but you need to communicate with her and don’t shut down when you see her. Be positive, show her that you are the man for her.
Keep us updated 🙂
Make sure to hand write the letter.
The revised version is great 🙂
My ex is also from NZ we live like 5KM apart.
She is leaving the country in 4 days. Didn’t end up seeing her on Sunday. Really want to see her at the airport but she asked not to so I will respect that.
Im just waiting till she gets back, we are friendly but she wont spare any time for me. Just hope i didn’t screw up my chances by getting into a rebound relationship which is over now.
TBH I am feeling great recently and I think i’m beginning to move on but only time will tell.
When are you going to send your letter?
Thank you gamecoder.nz I will wait until she gets back before I make any moves.
I am going to see her today (Sunday) to sort our some locks on her bag from our last holiday. Also want to see her parents.
I really hope we will find our way back to each other.
I notice you’re from NZ. What part of NZ are you from? I’m also from NZ living in east Auckland.
I think your letter is lovely. You have acknowledged your wrong doings in your relationship and have taken steps to eliminate them.
I think you could also talk about your 3 lovely children that you share with your wife.
You might want to also fix some of the auto correct spelling errors.
I have added and change some parts of the letter. Most of it is original tho.
Just my 2 cents but I think you have done well with this. I really hope everything works out for you and Jess.
Keep us posted.
Dear Jess,
The past few weeks I have become overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts of you and that is why I am writing you this letter. It has become painful to not be able to express those feelings to you, especially when I should have done it earlier.
You gave me every chance to change and I squandered every one of them. I wish I could go back in time and beat some sense into me but I can’t. That will be the single greatest regret I will ever have in my life. However, through God’s will and strength, I have moved on and learned from it. The reason I have done this is because I could never live with myself if I gave up on you. I know for sure that there is no other woman I will ever love more than life itself, I would stop at nothing to make sure you are protected, loved, and happy. I don’t want to live with that mistake of giving up.
I have been thinking and praying about this many times over the past few weeks. I believe that in every person’s life, there comes a time when they have to lay everything on the line in order to fight for what they want. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than this. I want you, I want our marriage and most of all I want us to be a happy family again. I know I don’t deserve you, but I am no longer scared to lay it all out on the line and pour my heart out to you. I have never felt more passionate about anything or anyone in my life and I am not going to give up on us or our family.
You gave me many happy times and wonderful memories like the time you walked into a post office and asked if there is a post box nearby, or when we were driving through Stratford and I thought the turnoff to Wellington would only take us to Wellington and not Levin, or when we first met I gave you a necklace and you said “Oh cool. Thanks.” The simple memory of us holding each other brings a warmth to my heart that no one else will ever be able to give.
Jess, we share 3 wonderful kids together… (maybe mention their names and some memory, not really sure, you will know better)
There are simply no words to describe how much you mean to me. You asked me several times why I loved you and my answer always was “I just do.” Even I don’t completely understand it sometimes. It’s something that comes naturally, and I can neither help it nor argue with it.
I have said and done many hurtful things over the years, things that I would give anything to take back, but I can’t. The only think I can do is say I am so sorry. I have been so selfish. I have trampled on you with my words and with my actions. I have loved other things, when I should have loved you.
In the last few weeks, I believe that God has removed the negative emotions that have clouded my feelings for you and revealed a love for you that I have never thought existed. I have asked Him to forgive me and I am hoping that somehow you would be able to forgive me too and grant me the privilege of another chance. Jess, I do not want to live the rest of my life without you. I know I can never make up for everything that I have done to you but I will spend the rest of my life trying.
Yours always and forever,
Sean.I can relate to you so well here. I am pretty much going through the exact same thing. I also did the begging and pleading and shitty letters. Also thought she was the one, we were so compatible and never really had any major issues in the relationship. It lasted 5 1/2 years.
She also said that its not you it’s me, She needs time for herself and lost love for herself during the relationship. This was probably cause she was trying to please me all the time. At first I didn’t believe her but as time passed, these were actually the reasons.
We also used to work together which didn’t really help cause we were always in each others company. I think 2 people really do need their own time sometimes.
Hang in there dude it will get better. Its been 4 and a bit months for me, I am feeling much better now that I did 2 months ago. I’v tried dating other girls but my heart was and still is with my ex. She’s leaving for a trip to the US in a week for 3 months. Im hoping to spark some interest when she gets back.
If you truly believe this girl is meant to be, I wouldn’t lose hope but I think we definitely need to put a limit to how long we will wait.
Good luck and keep us posted
