dimdrt

She is still in love with me, she really loves me so much but she can’t believe that it will be different the next time and if she try and see that it is the same it’s gonna hurt a lot and she is trying to protect herself!! I was in her house at that time! I left and went back again, We stayed for six hours, we were hugging, kidding and it was pure love!! Then we tried to have sex, I couldn’t she said that it was for the best and we were hugging naked on the bed for an hour looking at my eyes without saying a thing, then we had sex and she said that it was awesome!! Everything was great, we were laughing, kissing, touching, hugging! We’ve had 6 wonderful hours! But she can’t believe in changes… I don’t know.. maybe she will, maybe she won’t, maybe I’ll try, maybe I won’t!

She will finish in January! I don’t think that is a good idea to ask that cause she is going to feel pressured again!

Yeah, ok, you are right… Is just the fear that is making me feel this way! So, I let her text me whenever she wants or text her again? let’s say in September?

I feel like my chances to get back together are way up high but I am afraid about when… I feel good and terrible at the same time because I know that she feels attraction, she wants me, she loves me, she misses me but we are not together and that hurts… A lot!

Quick update: we spoke on the phone on my birthday (she just wish me with a text and I called)! She thought that I may didn’t want to speak with her that’s why the message…

So, I asked her to be honest with me and she told me this:
“Ok, honestly I am confused, It’s not that I lost attraction with you and I didn’t get to the point to say that I can’t be with with or I can’t stand you anymore… That may would be a future problem that’s why I told you that I can’t see a future with you! The problem is that wheh we got together you made me feel confident and love my body and myself, but when we broke for the first time (a couple of days) I lost all of that confidence and self-esteem and my world collapsed and I’m still not recovered… I miss you so much and I am having breakdowns because of that! I love you so much, I miss you and I want you but I don’t want to get back to you out of need or out of fear to be alone but because I really want you and it’s too early for this… I know that you believe that we can be together again amd have a great relationship but I need to believe that too! It’s not that I don’t want a relationship with you… I think that if I try a relationship with anyone right It’s going to fail! So first I need distance from you so I can be good by myself and then to see if I’ll get back to you!”

More or less that what she said… We spoke about for two hours and she couldn’t hang up… Me neither, but I had to and I did!! We talked about many other things! I don’t know if that’s good or bad… I feel good and bad at the same time!

Oh, I also started going to a therapist!

Thank you, but I think there is no hope anymore, I’ll try though!