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Patricia,
We decided to meet up this weekend or at least that’s what supposed to happen. She needs to return something of mine. This was Sunday. She mentioned on Sunday she was worried I was just trying to get back with her. I told her that’s not my goal. I would just like to have her in my life. I ended up apologizing for the last 3 months of our relationship, when things weren’t very good. I told her that’s not who I am. She said I know.. but I’m sure she was agreeing with me to shut me up. She went to bed shortly thereafter. I sent this conversation to a friend and he said by the way she was responding it looks like she needs space. Yesterday I just tried to keep talking to her, I sent her 1 message saying, Hey is this still happening at your work? She didn’t respond. I called her this evening to try and confirm our coffee plans this weekend. I left a message, I was positive, I casually mentioned how I came back from volunteering (something she wanted me to do). Yea it was 8pm. So maybe I’m overthinking this.
Can you please help me? I’m sure the truth is somewhere between I’m insane she loves me and wants me back and she never wants to hear from me again, but I cannot figure out where. It’s probably closer to the not hearing from me.
I appreciate your input. But as I said, i was very angry for how our break up went down. And also, that this was before my no contact period. My mind was clouded. I’m more concerned about meet up with her this weekend. And what to do.
We’re meeting up this weekend. Similar situation, she has something of mine. What is my goal here not to frighten her? Just try and score a second date if you will?
She just messaged me saying she found my winter toque. I responded You did? That’s great! I’d love to get it back.
I won’t bombard her with texts maybe a day on and a day off from hearing from me would be better? I guess I have meet up planned if she wants to give me my hat back in person.
I was mad at everything that happened to me as our relationship crumbled. I couldn’t stop it and that’s why I was so mad. I don’t want to hurt her, I do love her dearly. I’m not entitled to an apology but I feel like I want one. I’ve let it go and all I’ve tried to do is improve upon myself for the last month.
She replied to me shortly after this post. Monday I told her I went rock climbing because that’s something we did together. She still has a membership to the place we went together. I don’t. I said I went somewhere else with a friend to rock climb. I told her I would talk to her later. I didn’t want to prolong this first time we’ve talked.
The second time (Friday) I told her I went to a karaoke place. She’s always wanted to go to one so I told her a little about it, made a joke about how bad my singing was even though I’m proud of it. I told her my school might be going on strike this Monday. She didn’t respond. Probably because I didn’t ask her a follow up.
Today, I pretended to forget the name of a restaurant her and I went to. She told me. I asked her if she was going to a local fall event in her city. She said she didn’t know what it was. I told her about it, and said I was really surprised she wasn’t going. She said she’s never heard of it lol. I said I was going down, maybe I would see her there. I wasn’t actually inviting her nor asking her to go with me I was just being friendly. She said probably not. I said no worries, thanks for the information about the restaurant we’ll talk soon.
I’m trying to contact her everyday. From here on out. I have a couple ideas here and there over the next couple days to spark a conversation. Examples.. Hey i saw this movie the other day, you should go see it. I know you would like it. Hey i was at X and I thought I saw you. You looked great Her reply.. no i wasn’t there. My reply, oh well the last time we were there everyone was looking at you. And to meet up I would use something like I have an assignment due this week ( I have 4) and I was hoping you could help me by looking it over for me. (shes a really big school nerd)
Maybe you could help me with some general strategy? I’ve talked to her 3 different times. All i’m trying to do is get her talking. Get myself in her thoughts. Anything you could suggest would be extremely helpful.
Hey Patricia,
It’s been a long time. I went through my 30 day no contact. I’ve reached the point where I’ve decided I want to try and get her back. I messaged her 3 separate times this week. I heard back from her. I was being positive asked her a couple questions, like where was X and hey I was here and you should go.
She went cold on me and I haven’t heard from her. I’m not going to bombard her with messages but what should I do? Do I wait a week and try something else? I can provide you the messages if you think it would help.
Please help me.
I know what happened. I’m not good enough for her. I don’t make enough money and I changed my life trajectory to meet her on her plane. I’m not saying it was a bad change but she abandoned me before I even got the chance. You’re right. I am angry. I have every right to be angry and rageful. I hate what she did to me when we went away, because I didn’t deserve it. I may have got complacent in our relationship but I wouldn’t treat my worst enemy the way she treated me.
It doesn’t matter who wanted to meet up and I’m sure she’s mad I was “doing well”. I think she’s being petty with me trying to gain edge in the break up.
I don’t know why she was so cold. I don’t care why. But I didn’t deserve it. I never hurt her. But I want to. I want vindication. My mental health is already suffering because of how she broke up with me, when, circumstance. I can’t help but feel angry. And I don’t care that I do. She deserves to be hurt. The pain she caused me deserves to be reciprocated.
having trouble replying to posts….
“i thought it would be easy to see you” it was just harder than i thought ” it’s hard seeing you hurting ”
later that day “i do really miss you, even it might not seem like it sometimes”
These are things she said to me last Monday after meeting in text.I’m not searching for pandora’s box. I just want to hurt her. she keeps asking to be friends, i keep saying i don’t know. I want to sleep with her again one day after no contact, maybe get real close. And just hurt her so bad. I can’t help but feel such anger, hatred, and rage for what she did to me when we went away to her cottage. I felt so alone / abandoned there, and I felt like she didn’t care.
Why was she so cold tonight? Does she not want to relive the break up? Why can’t she talk calmly and reasonably? She accused me of wanting to meet up last week even though she asked me for coffee to give me my things? (that one i’m sure i’m right that she wanted to see me) I’m not seeking solace, i just don’t understand her. I’m sure it’s a lot more difficult for you to understand her Patricia.
I sure hope my post got through….
Hello Patricia,
I just wanted to give you an update as to what happened with me and my ex since we met up to exchange things a couple weeks back. Later that day she messaged me and it sounded like she had trouble with the fact I was doing well. I stayed with my no contact rule, but she messaged me here and there over the last few weeks. The last day was this past thursday. On sunday i sent her a letter because I felt like it would be the best way to convey my feelings to her. She received that letter today and she said she didn’t take me for a writer. I told her i wrote the letter because i felt like it. That conversation starting trailing a little downward. We spoke on the phone and I shared some things as to why I felt our relationship imploded and the fact that I don’t think the relationship we had could have or should have been saved. I called her stubborn because anytime i said something she would just say ok, or is there anything else you want to say? It wasn’t really a conversation. She said while on the phone before she hung up that talking to me is draining sometimes ‘i’m paraphrasing’
She started sending me texts that were a little tit for tat. saying that I wanted to see her two weeks ago even though she texted me. I told her I’m not trying to make her mad, im not trying to take the high ground and i’m not trying to sound pompous in anything that i say.
It reaches the point where if you respond to someone you feel like you have to justify what you say or you feel like you’re incorrect or they will take it the wrong way regardless.I said i don’t think we should be talking now that’s what i wrote in the letter. The last thing she said was then maybe don’t call me? I called her because it sounded like she wanted to talk about it. she said it was a nice gesture before all of this.
I said I never tried to hurt you and I wanted to ask her something. I wanted to know if her mom still hates me? Obviously over that time she hadn’t responded to me in 20 minutes. I apologized saying it was uncalled for and told her to have a good night. This is where I am right now at 11pm on a Wednesday.I know logic suggests that I probably never speak to this girl again. I go against logic because my heart wants a NEW, better relationship with her. Will you please help me? I’m sure I have to start no contact again. I don’t know what to do. I wasn’t completely ‘off’ until i got frustrated on the phone because she wouldn’t respond to me. Is she mad at me for figuratively moving on? I know i stepped over the line with the texting. I just got angry because it sounded like she wanted to talk and then became completely cold. In her defense she worked a 12 hour day. She messaged me about the letter, she didn’t have to say anything. I don’t know what to do…
edit: In addition, i guess I got thrown off because of the whole, if she wants to message me or stay in contact with me at her initiation I allowed it. Maybe I welcomed it too much? I also have a date Friday. Not going to tell her or gloat. Just trying to do other things.
In addition, I know it’s clear i’m starting no contact today. I have an opportunity to ask her to spend time with me this weekend, should i do it or just let it fly by?
We met up today. Every time she mentioned the break up I kept steering the conversation away from it. I complimented her on her appearance. I maintained eye contact I kept the conversation 85% about her 15% about me. I kept touching her arm, trying to stay in physical contact reasonably. Things we’re going well all during our coffee date. She said she misses my niece and nephew (7 and 5) and I told her that they asked about her. She smiled and liked that. She said she was surprised to see that I was doing well. While walking her out to her car things got a little tough because we had to say goodbye again. We both got a little emotional, I told her she wouldn’t hear from me for the next little while. I let her know that she could get in contact with me if she wanted. She said that was fair if I needed to have that time to myself.
I want to be with this girl more than anything. I’m literally trying anything. She means the absolute world to me. It was incredibly hard to see her leave again.
Thank you. I will try my best tomorrow and hopefully it goes the way I want it to. Anything in my direction is a positive. Friendship is a last resort.
