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Well, I wouldn’t say as much if they were just part of a short message. I’m just concerned about sending another long message when I already sent two. Now I regret those two messages and they didn’t really follow the elephant in the room format, but they did apologize and say how I’d change.
Is it pretty useful to say I accept the breakup and am making these changes for future relationships like the elephant in the room format suggests? Because I think the issue is that she probably doesn’t really trust I’d make the changes since we were together so long.
The basic outline of my elephant in the room letter would be
Agree that I needed the breakup to realize problems that I don’t want to ever make again in a future relationship
Mention how I needed to communicate, listen, validate better to resolve issues.
Mention water thing, and apologize for being so cranky.
Say I want to talk without any pressure but understand if she’s not comfortable with that now.
Alternately I’d just write 2 fun messages, 1 with the water thing, and 1 about how I just realized I’m bad a poor communicator.
We really didn’t communicate that well about a lot of things. I realize now that she had trouble communicating because of her attachment type, but I also was a poor communicator. She needed a lot of her alone time because of her attachment type, and we just never talked about marriage.
The water thing is genuine. I was also thinking a lot about death at the time, which didn’t help. I really wasn’t taking care of myself which hurt both of us, and I know I can do better in the future.
I also sent a letter apologizing and saying I’d miss her and another with changes I’d make, but they were too focused on trying to get back together with her and mentioned a lot of things, while now I’ve realized that the communication and my crankiness are the 2 main issues.
I’ve learned since I sent those first 2 messages that it’s better to not be so focused on trying to get back with 1 message or something crazy like that. Perhaps it would help if mention that that I accept the breakup because I needed it open my eyes to the problems we had. But on the other hand, maybe a light message where I mention the water issue and another light message where I mention how I’m learning to communicate better would seem more causal and work better.
Well, I think the biggest problem was communication. In her note, she assumed that I didn’t want to marry or have kids since we hadn’t talked about that. And she just left a note, so we never got to talk about it. I know I need to work on communicating much better in the future.
At the end, we were both sick, and I wasn’t treating her as well because I was sick, tired, and dehydrated.
The question is whether I’m better off with another elephant in the room message or sending some light messages that don’t seem so relationship focused where I talk about my self-improvement with how I’m feeling better when I drink more water and what I’m learning about being a better communicator.
