Words and Actions dont match

@Lou84 – Most often when people say they don’t want a relationship, they mean it. People can date and have good times together without being in a committed relationship. Too many arguments will destroy a relationship! You didn’t mention what these arguments were about, but if the same reason for them continued to arise, it means one or both of you haven’t dealt with it properly. She needs space now so don’t contact her for at least a month and think about ways to improve whatever part you had in the breakup. She might come back as a friend or more, only time will tell…

@Lou84, i think one very important thing @patricia12 has pointed out is that right now focus on what is it that keeps bothering the two of you and you work on your part while give her time to sort it out on her side.

If i have to elaborate her point in a logical way it would be something like this:
– Currently your ex doesnt want to be with you cos of a certain recent sour event.
– Being in touch with you right now is only going to make her remember the most recent eventful interaction which is the fight.
– Also understand, it was a 5 month relation and she was in another relation before this (1.5yrs back so you’re not a rebound most likely) so she might be making comparisons in her head and will need time to sort it out herself.
– If you USE these 2 weeks to improve yourself and get some confidence back in your self to provide happiness to yourself without being dependent on anyone else then it’ll help you also to have an equal say at the table of discussion after two weeks. She’ll notice the changed you and this might change her opinion to something positive.

I believe you have posted this same issue on another thread too.
Please stop wondering what decision she is going to take. If you trust yourself to improve then be rest assured everything else will fall in place. If you say her actions were different from her words then am not understanding how do you plan to make her realize this? Fights and arguments didnt work clearly. Pleading didnt work. So whats more that you got? People realize either from their own mistakes or from someone else’s. You cannot convince them when to realize it.

Use these two weeks to calm your nerves, improve your emotional stability, get back on the social scene with friends and family, enjoy the holidays.

Please dont apologize for the other thread, it can sometimes get confusing even if you’re creating a thread so its ok 🙂

Partner acting hot and cold can be very annoying but this is the time when you have to look for the reason behind this behavior. If she is fearful of something then all you can do is be there for her while she deals with her fears. It is not an easy thing to do but no relation comes on a bed of roses. The only thing which makes it easy is that you love this person. So let that love rule the emotion and not your anxiety/ fear/ irritability in this situation. Every relation needs one of the partners at times to understand that the situation can be diffused by keeping quite. Constant fights mean none of them get it. AM not saying it not normal to fight. It is normal. But more important how you approach the reason behind the fight and try to sort it out is more important.

Just give her the space she needs right now and try to become a cheerful person so when she comes back for a dialogue she doesnt see the old you but a new, evolved you and it will encourage her to give the relation another shot. Right now you’re being needy and you need to shake off this attitude real quick if you want to attract her again to you. Put yourself in her situation and then think would you like to come back to someone acting needy?

@lou84, she is definitely confused but is putting up a strong face. Give her the space and you should learn to be cool when she contacts you. Try hard NOT TO talk emotional stuff, or to make her jealous. Let her know you respect whatever decision she takes. If you guys didnt have any problems of dishonesty, cheating, abuse then it should not be difficult to get back but if any of the above is a cause then it’ll take longer.

It should work!
Have told a lot of people to use the NC period to do some self improvement. You seem to be mature for your age and I really hope you take this time to do the right things for you 🙂

Use this time to do some self-reflection and figure out what was REALLY wrong cos of which the relation took a wrong turn. This can ONLY happen once you stop blaming yourself and her. You have to become objective while analysing this. Google some exercises to learn how to become objective. I have posted in one thread over here too. Just sit in a corner in the house, close your eyes, listen to everything around you but DO NOT have any thoughts regarding those sounds. Example, why is mom shouting, who is playing the radio so loud, did a plate fall, which bird is singing, why is the dog barking, etc. Just learn to be a passive observer. This will surely help you get up real soon!

Good luck!

If you owe her money then you can transfer it online. If it is not possible then meet her at a public place and hand it over and leave. Do not try to engage in any emotional personal conversations.

She wants space cos she was not happy with you in the last fight when you guys broke up. It makes her feel less stressed and when someone is less stressed they start to breathe freely and thus feel a little bit more happy.

If you really love her then you should be happy if she feels happy. In whichever state that may be, with or without you. Giving space doesnt mean she’ll leave you. She’ll be sorting things in her own head.