What if he never wants me back?

I just can’t help to think that this no contact won’t work, that he won’t be thinking about me or missing me. I feel that he is a person that moves on quickly. There has been some back and forth hence to his struggles with depression where he sometimes has cut contact with everybody for a little while, but he has always wanted it to be us. I keep hoping he will call me but the phone never rings. I really do feel and has felt since the day I met him that he is the one. It’s just so sad that it is his birthday tomorrow, and he knows I love birthdays. I always make it very special and go all out with the details. I had something planned this year as well, and it’s just sad to think that it won’t happen this year. I just can’t help but wondering if he would miss that. The devestating feeling that he will find someone else or has already found someone is literally killing me. I am so scared.

I have some friends that is always saying that I should forget about him, move on and so on. They have never seen the point in getting back together with someone. When I say I hope we can work things out, they right away poison my mind with statements that they can’t understand why I bother, just forget about him etc. They really put me down. They don’t see any point in fighting for anything. Can’t help but think that they can not have been deeply in love before. What should I do?

I should never had contacted him, i just couldn’t help myself. He should have payed that money months ago. And he still needs to get his stuff. I was very kind and ask politely how he wanted to do this. And he was so mad and so angry. And we started to talk about the break up, and it all went downhill. Is this reversible in any way?

Is there any point anymore? When he is this mad? This is the first time I have contacted him. He contacted me on Monday. I just wanted to sort things out with the money and the stuff he has here. He really blames the break up on me. And says he can’t deal with the drama, that I am drama and so on.

Does anyone have some view on the situation. He called me back again a few hours later. We talked for like 15 minutes, he seemed in a better mood. I could hear that he was still a bit angry, and he probably would be for some time. We even laughed a couple of times through the conversation even though it was only a little. We did not talk anymore about what happened last weekend, or that he his mad or nothing like that. We just talked about his health situation, some memories from his birthday last year and so on. I gave him some compliments on his progress after the cancer battle and stuff like that. He said that he would pick up his t-shirt one day, and he asked for my bank account so that he could transfer the money. I feel so stupid for asking about the money, I really wish I had not contacted him and would have waited for him to reach out to me. On monday when he called he said that he would call me one day, he did not say that now. But it still was a positive conversation compared to earlier in the day. I am so scared of losing him forever. Have I really screwed things up now? Is there no way we can get back together? It must mean something that he calls me a few hours later does it not?

I just cant shake of the feeling that he will meet someone else or have already met someone else. What if he can never look at me in that way anymore? It feels like his feelings for me is gone and just replaced it with anger and bad feelings towards me. Is there any way after everything we have been through that he can see me as the person he usually likes? And would want me like that again? It just feels like he has made up his mind completely…. Should I send him my bank account number right away? I dont want this to be the last time I speak to him. I am scared that if we do not talk for 30 days or more, that he will not miss me and just move on. Or that he will not call me. He has always called me after a while if I have used no contact before when he has had his difficult times. But this time it just feels different, like there is no turning back and he just dont want me like that anymore. I feel him deleting me on facebook says a lot, he has not done that before, I know he did it in the heat of the moment when he was so upset, and he unblocked me, but it doesn´t seem like I will get a friend request from him anytime soon. Should I just give up?

I desperetly need advice on this.

Sorry for all the multiple posts, I am just so confused about everything that happened today.

I think I messed it up by saying I cared for him and all that stuff. What the hell should I do is the reversible in any way? I dont´t want him to think I am okay with the break up, I just wanted him to know that I understand that he needs to figure out he´s life. And I wanted him to feel that I am here for him, I am totally freaking out that I messed it all up now. What do you guys think? The first conversation today went really bad, as I was feeling very hurt, and he was so defensive and harsh, I did cry a bit. But when he called me later on his mood had changed and he talked and talked, and I managed to keep my emotions under control. Is there any point in continue the no contact now? Will he even notice it?