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I am so scared that my ex and I will never get back together. We have been on and off for several months, and the last break up was ugly. Not from my side, but from his side. All of the sudden he just blow up, accused me of wanting to be with someone else and the list goes on. He is struggling very mentally after having gone through cancer last year, we have been together for 2,5 years. So we have been through a lot. I have not spoken to him since it all went down friday night. He was drunk at the time as well. He even blocked me on facebook, but he has taken that back, but we are still not friends on facebook. What should I do guys? I feel that he is the love of my life. He is turning 31 next saturday, I am 26. Are there any hope for reconciliation?
hang in there,hell come around two and a\ half years is a long time. if not youll still be okay, if its meant to be it will be.
I just do not know what to do without him. I miss him so much even though it
s just been over for a couple of days, but its the way it ended. He just blow up over nothing, he was drunk, and would not listen when I said there was absolutely nothing between me and the person I added on facebook. I even deleted that person when all this blow up. And this person which is a common friend even told my ex that being friends on Facebook means nothing, I am not interested in her and she is not interested in me. He was drunk again last night when this person told my ex this, I do not know if it got through. I really do not know what to do, should I just stay in no contact and hope that he one day will contact me? I regret adding this person on facebook, but I really did not think it was such a big deal, people add each other all the time, it means nothing. It feels like this whole thing is my fault. I know he is struggling mentally, he has been struggling a lot for 7 months now. It just feels like he hates me, and I am so scared that he will find someone else right away.Oh, no. Something really similar happened to me, my ex is even the same age as yours, and it ended similarly too, he blew up over nothing and just broke it off. I really feel for you and I know how hurt you must be right now.
First, it wasn’t your fault. The facebook thing was totally innocent. To put it in perspective, he blew up and broke up with you because you added someone on fb? Don’t blame yourself for that. It’s obviously some stuff he is dealing with and he’s taking it out on you. He may even be angry about something else, but using that as an excuse.
I think it would be best to do some NC, and hopefully that will give him time to calm down and maybe come to his senses. It will also help you to take some time away from him, especially if he is blowing up at you and blaming you. Are you able to do any counseling or therapy? It might really help you right now.
There are two things that can happen, either you will get back together or you won’t. What would happen if you two don’t get back together? What’s the worst case scenario?
He is struggling mentally, he says he needs time to figure out his life. He went through cancer last year and survived, but it was a close call. We have been together for 2,5 years, and we went through the cancer together, we have been trough a lot. I have never seen him like this before.. Blowing up over adding a person he obviously feels threathen by. There has been a lot of back and forth for some months now hence his mentally illness, he is dealing with some though depression after his cancer struggle.
I really do want to get back together with him. I know he needs time to cool of or whatever he needs. I am just so afraid that I will never speak to him again. He was so mad. It feels like he hated me. Has all his feelings for me just gone over to hating me? And blocking me on Facebook? I saw that he has removed the blocking today, we are still not friends there, and I don`t think I will se a friend request anytime soon or ever, but is that a positive sign? That he has removed the blocking?
Did you guys get back together?
I’m sorry to hear all of that. That’s a tough thing to go through for the both of you. My ex is also going through depression too, but his is from being deployed.
I don’t think your ex hates you. I think he’s taking a lot of stuff out on you (not cool) but I don’t think you did anything to make him hate you. I don’t know if it’s positive or not, but the fact that he took back his blocking, means that he regretted that decision and he obviously did it out of anger or in the heat of the moment. Since he unblocked you I think it means that he still wants to see what you are up to or eventually be open to talking. If he hated you and never wanted to speak to you again, he would have left you blocked.
It’s a little early in the game to worry about not speaking to him again. I know you are upset and probably feeling panicked. It might take a little time before you two talk again, but I don’t think you’ll just never hear from him again. He needs to get some stuff right with himself. In the meantime, take good care of yourself. Try to do some nice things for yourself and get some stress relief. After everything that has happened I’m sure you could use some relaxation and pampering.
My ex and I haven’t gotten back together. I’m on day 38 of NC, and I haven’t heard from him in 29 days. I’m okay with it though, and I don’t want to get back together. My ex got really nasty with me and he doesn’t think any of this is his fault. He doesn’t want to work on things or get help for himself, so what can you do? I’m just moving on with my life and trying to make things great for myself. Maybe sometime soon we will talk things over, but for now I’m focusing on me.
He was just so upset, It really feels like this is the end of it. And I am so scared because I love him so much. I really feel like he is the one, and I am not just saying that. We have been through a lot together to just throw that away. But it hurts so bad when he gets that mad, says he can`t trust me, now he knows where he has me, I am this and that. I have done so much for him, supported him and been there for him throughout this though time in his life. We are great together. But now that he is struggling so bad mentally he is like a different person sometimes. I never thought that he would go to the length that he would unfriend me on facebook and even blocking me. He was drunk, angry, upset, and he had had a huge fight with his family, he was jealous and upset with me for no reason, and suddenly I was blocked. He kept calling me all night. I have not spoken to him since. I hope him removing the blocking is a positive sign. But it is just so sad that he doesn’t want to be friends with me on facebook. I mean, everyone is friends on facebook.
I am so sorry that things didnt work out with you and your ex, but it seems you are fine with it since you don
t want to get back together. It means you have come a long way. And if you dont feel he is worth fighting for, than it is the right thing. I must say I get scared reading that you haven`t heard from your ex in such a long time, I am so scared that I will never hear from mine. That weeks will go by and I will never hear from him. The most devastating thought is that he would find someone else fast, and just forget about me. I start crying even thinking about it. It just feels like he does not think about me or even care for me anymore. My ex really needs time to focusing on himself since he is struggling so bad, so the thought of him going into a new relationship freaks me out. It is just so heart breaking. I do not know what I will do if that happens.it is his birthday saturday the 24. I have bought him a gift weeks ago. What should I do with this now? He knows I have a birthday gift for him. I also have to payback some money he borrowed from me a while ago. But I don`t want to start nagging about that and call him up to remind him about that. I really do not know what to do with anything. Should I just stay in no contact no matter what?
Hey! First of all, I’m sorry about all you have been through. It’s tough, I know.
Second of all, NC means NO CONTACT AT ALL. My ex-boyfriend’s birthday was a week ago and we had a fight two days before and at that moment I decided I wasn’t gonna talk to him and so I didn’t. Good thing we have many things in common because the gift I bought for him is now mine, LOL. 😛
It seems to me like your boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, whatever, is very sensitive right now because the cancer may have left some scars, like a possible depression state which could make him completely devastated or aggressive with the most irrelevant things. I have never had cancer but I did have depression and it made me react like that sometimes. You said that he is struggling mentally since the cancer and I must ask: has he sought support, such as psychologist? It’s very common that people with cancer end up with depression or other mental diseases and that can effect everyone around because the depressed person tends to get more and more isolated. It’s just a guess, of course. But hey, he is NOT going to find someone in the next minute, so chill haha. It seems to me like he’s really lost and he can’t think things through right now.I know how you feel in a lot of ways. A lot of what you said in your first paragraph I’ve said or felt at some point too. I gave up a lot for my ex, was always there, etc. I also felt like he threw away our relationship. It’s tough for sure. I fought for my ex and our relationship for a long time, but it became clear to me that I was the only one doing any fighting. He had given up. As sad as that is, I realized that there was nothing else I could do.
Don’t let my experience and what has happened with my ex frighten you. Everyone is different and each relationship is different. I think you have a chance at reconciling with your ex.
What you are feeling right now is completely normal and I felt it too in the beginning of NC. The truth is that your ex, or anyone else for that matter, cannot forget someone right after a breakup, especially after the length of time you were together and what you have been through. It’s impossible! Even if he tried, he can’t do it. As you get a little farther along in NC you will feel better and more calm and these thoughts will subside. Things are still fresh and emotions are raw. It’s super important to keep yourself busy right now and work on yourself. NC actually keeps you in the mind of your ex. When you are not contacting them it makes them think about you and wonder what you are up to. It also gives them time to clear out any negative thoughts and emotions they have about you and from the breakup.
Marnie is right too, he isn’t going to go find someone right away. He’s going through a lot and is emotional right now. He isn’t in any place to get with someone else.
He has good support from his parents, and he is going to talk to this therapist woman. I know he is suppose to talk to her today. If he is still in town, he was talking about going away for a week with his father. He has tried to talk to another therapist a while back, but that didn
t work out. Te last time we wore broken up we still had some contact, well he kept contacting me from time to time. Then he showed up one day after nearly four weeks and told med he wanted to start over again. He said that he had flirted and slept with another girl while we wore broken up, and he was trying to get over me, but couldnt. I had also been with another person, I do not know if this is common behaviur? He told this girl that he was not interested in her, but I am so scared that he will run back to her now, even though this is a while back. They only slept together once.It feels like men often starts sleeping around when they are heart broken? I don
t know. I am just so scared that he will find someone else of hook up with this girl again. He is in a deep depression and has been for a while, he says he gets angry and frustrated about small things. I am just so sad that he had to break up like this, I dont want us to be enemies. For how can we get back together if he is so mad at me that he hates me?I feel the unblocking on facebook is a good sign, I am not sure if I am putting to much in that, but it feels better than having him blocking me. Ha had to physically unblock me, it means he has thought of me once at least. But we are still not friends on facebook, I really never thought he would sink to the level of deleting me there. What should I do?
He called me this afternoon, we spoke for like 15 minutes. It was a calm conversation, I said what I felt about what went down. He said what he felt. And we talked a bit. He said he needed time for himself. Time to figure things out. I said I didn
t understand why he needed to delete me on facebook, he said he just needed space. He also said when the conversation was over that he would call me one day (whatever that means) and if I wore okay with him calling. I said okay, thats fine. What should I do now?Anyone have some opinions? I am devastated. This no contact is killing me, and I don`t know if he will ever want me back.
Hey, no contact is not killing you, it’s actually your best choice now. I know you feel now like crying, wanting him in your arms talking to you, but believe me: don’t make a fool of yourself. If you make nc for at least 2 weeks, you’ll start feeling calmer and see things in perspective.. and honestly that’s the thing that matter. YOU DIDN’T DO ANY WRONG. Don’t do wrong by chasing and being clingy while he said he needs space!
believe me, I’ve been there, a lot of us were, nc will calm you down and do you good. Just don’t concentrate only on “I can’t contact him!” But try to concentrate on yourself and the pain you’re experiencing. You did nothing wrong.
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