What are the chances?

So I’ve been reading through all of the information on the website and a lot of it makes complete sense and has helped drive me to become a better person.

I will try to keep my explanation of my situation short and to the point.

I’m completely to blame for the breakup in February of my relationship with my ex-girlfriend of 18 months because i cheated on her, and then lied about it..

I have two kids whom she took in and loved so dearly, our relationship was great and we were really good together in all ways. She would do anything for me and my kids. Our relationship started quite soon after i split with an ex who moved away. At the time i was still in love and was struggling with the break-up however i did not want this chance with my new girlfirend to pass me by because she was amazing from Day 1.

After a year i agreed to move in with her, i served notice on my rented flat and we moved my kids room into hers ready for christmas. My rent ended in January so we took a month or so to move all my bits across.

Between Christmas and new year i begun to feel a bit ‘trapped’ id spent two years living in my own place and suddenly i was settling down again, she worked nights and late evenings and i felt lonely at times and needed some attention so i started swiping on tinder to boost my ego.

I started to chatting to a girl and arranged to meet, after a couple of dates she came to my flat as i was moving things out and we had sex, from there i started to say i was working away whilst my girlfriend was working nights but i was actually staying at this other girls, it felt new and fresh but i knew it wouldn’t last, i knew it wasn’t what i wanted long term but i couldn’t end it.
Then i got caught out and was asked where i was, i lied and she pushed me to tell her but i kept lying saying i was staying away at work, she asked me to come home but i said id been drinking so i couldn’t. The next day after work i went home and she gave me another chance to spill but i kept lying trying to wriggle my way out until she eventually told me she knew everything including the conversations i had with a girl from spain on facebook on and off for a year, and that i met up with her when i went to Valencia before Christmas. We met up for a drink and that was it, no sexual attraction just my ego.

I was given so many chances to tell the truth and salvage our relationship but i kept the lie going. I was a coward and incredibly selfish and regret everything i did. I’d been to counselling since for 12 weeks and haven’t had any contact with the other girl.

My ex and i saw each other a lot for 4 months until the end of May and kept chatting and catching up, i told her so many times how sorry i was and begged to have her back, i did everything i shouldn’t have done to make myself look weak, just like the weak guy who ruined her life… then she told me she had started dating.

I told her i could not stay in contact if she was seeing other people and so stopped contact. We didn’t speak at all for a month until my mum told me she saw she had chicken pox so i got in touch to ask her how she was.

I followed the texting patterns on here and we chatted for a week until she didn’t reply. I left it a few days until she said i had some mail at hers to collect. I went over last Monday it was only one letter and from may, she could have posted it at my mums, we chatted for a couple of hours, i apologised for everything and told her how i have turned myself around. She said she could see that and she said i looked really well and happy. So did she, she looked amazing. I kind of used the elephant in the room text but in person and I told her i understood the break up was for the best and understood we would probably not be in contact again.

A week on i haven’t heard from her or made contact with her.

Should i keep no contact going again? And for how long? Then how should i start contact up again? I really want to get her back because she was perfect for me. I took advantage of her kindness and at a key moment where i was weak and cowardly i didnt communicate with her.

Im in a much better place now to put everything ive got into her and not hurt her, my children or her family again.

Thanks