Unexpected Crossing of Paths

We broke up over a year ago now. We haven’t talked to each other in over 6 months, and haven’t seen each other just as long. We were together for 3.5 years and I think most people would have described us as inseparable best friends even before we started dating officially. I still look back sometimes and believe that we had both a great friendship and relationship. We had and still have a lot of the same interests and things in common. We rarely fought and if we did fight we would resolve it in a day or two. But over time we just started drifting apart and had different life paths we wanted to follow. The break up was somewhat mutual. I have to admit I was blindsided by it, didn’t want to accept it, but knew I couldn’t change her mind. I had become someone that not only I did not recognize, but someone she could no longer love. I don’t blame her for leaving me. I would’ve left too. Turns out depression doesn’t just affect you, but the people around you. Who woulda thought (sarcasm). Anyway, we still go to the same university and work relatively close by but have managed to avoid seeing one another this whole time. Not avoiding necessarily on purpose, more or less just letting one another live our lives separate. However, this morning while at work our paths did finally cross. To some it may have seemed anticlimactic. All we did was smile and wave at one another, but for me it was pretty damn intense. I thought I had moved on since she is not someone who normally crosses my mind ever day like she used to, but everything came rushing back. All of the memories, good or bad, and my heart raced faster for those two seconds than they have in a long time. For those two seconds I wanted to drop everything and make it work again but I regained my composure and continued on with my day.

To be honest I want nothing but the best for her. She’s such a great person and deserves all that she has worked for, but I still don’t know if I want her back in my life. I thought I did a year ago but now I’m not so sure. She mentioned that maybe we could try again someday after some time apart, but as mentioned before I wasn’t in the best head space (depression and all) so I’m sure it was just a way to let me down easy. Of course everyone has heard of the stories of two people who used to date, split up, spent some time apart, rekindled old feelings, and are happily back together. Half of me thinks that could be us, but the other half thinks moving on would be better. The reason why I think we could is because things didn’t end badly between us. There was no big fight at the end, we both have refrained from talking behind each other’s backs, no bad blood or animosity between us. There was nothing before, during, or after the relationship that we did (at least on my part) to completely dispel any chance of starting over again some day if there were to be an opportunity. However, the more rational side of me says move on. It ended for a reason, and going back has no guarantee of it working out. Besides, focusing on something that ended could easily blind me from other opportunities of meeting someone even better.
In closing I do hope that we are able to someday soon meet up again. I plan to move away for graduate school in the next year, but before I leave I want to make sure that I make the right choice of moving on or tying to make it work again. Meeting up again after this much time apart I think could give me a better idea of which choice is best for her and I.

If you have made it through this post I thank you for taking the time to read this. If you have advice I’ll take it. If not, cool. I hear the best way to talk about your feelings is in a subreddit, anonymously, with other anonymous people. Cheers.