-
Posts
-
I was hoping to maybe hear or read some other individuals stories on their personal experiences and of them actually successfully following this guide and getting their ex back.
Obviously everyone’s situation is going to differ, and the individuals differ as well. But I was really hoping to read some positive reinforcements on people getting back together and being happier than they had ever been before.
Or, if they are on their way to being back to the “Bliss” stages of their relationship, and maybe some steps they took during their breakup to really reinforce the idea of getting back together.
If this is already somewhere else, I apologize… But I really feel like it might help a lot of people.
Have you read my story? I haven’t got back him yet but after 26 days of NC he answered my call while he ignored all my calls and texts for one week before NC. Also we were with each other last weekend . I haven’t talked about the relationship and after the weekend we only talked shortly once that I called him. It seems as if he doesn’t want any relationship with me now But he talked to me warmly if I call him and I’m hoping if I can be his friend for a few months and he sees my change , he may het back to me again.
@Marin thats really good 🙂 talking about the relationship isn’t something that should happen until you have built the connection again dn y’all are thinking about being back together, after that you have to talk about the relationship to make sure the bad stuff doesn’t happen again and you will be both in a different place to handle that talk. If you do it too early then their defense goes back up and breaks down all the work and the no contact.
@awesomeness814 i have done no contact with my ex before (about a year ago) we didn’t really speak for 3 months basically (but i went abroad to travel and be in a long distance relationship). It was 2 months i talked, and then i returned was still in the relationship but we became close friends during that time again and then fell back in love so its more than possible, you just have to reset your systems, and no contact is basically like a freezer for your feelings. It puts those feelings on ice so they can be thawed out and heated up later. But contacting them ruins that, kills their feelings and makes it really hard to bring back. Have to have faith in the process and be patientMosis Thank you for the hope. I was so happy when he answered my call 2 weeks ago and accepted to be with each other on the weekend. Our visit was great.But again he’s been distant and it seems as if he only wants me as a friend. I’ve been a little worried in the last days. I’m worried if he gets used to see me only once a month and not to talk as a girl friend boyfriend. On the other hand I’m hoping he sees my change during this period and may want me back again.
How long were you only friends before falling in love with each other again? When do you think is a good time for me to talk about the relationship or get back to me again? I like to tell him about my working on myself and going to a therapist to help me remove my weaknesses but I don’t know when is a good time to talk about this stuff.
We was friends for maybe 2 months. The first two weeks or maybe 3 i was back we talked a bit, not a lot. It started growing and we was talking more, until the point she ended up getting into a relationship. We became on a “best friend” level and thats when feelings started coming back, and thats when i mentioned i was in love with her BACK THEN and didn’t know how to handle that. But i didn’t do it to get back with her it was just honest conversation between friends.
Right now i think you are in the wrong mentality, after no contact you don’t reach being super close again already, it is just to get you on speaking terms where you might not have been before because the bad experience. You have to start from the bottom, talk about general stuff, day to day stuff. TV, mutual friends, gossip ect. That just opens up the lines of communication more and it makes you a go to when he gets that ” i don’t know who else would get this like she does” as a friend. It gets you two back comfortable around each other.
Basically have to be yourself, which i know is hard and we are being more strategic since you have a goal you are trying to accomplish but this process could take a few months of rebuilding a solid friendship. So the time changes but the process does not.
You can’t even talk about you working on yourself, because it ties into the relationship and he will pick up on thinking you are wanting to get back together and he will be distant.
You have to be OKAY with being “friends” , its a False Friendship situation, you aren’t in the friend zone because you are recently broken up and he might still have feelings, they just aren’t strong enough yet and you have to make him feel that. Keep it friendly, make him comfortable again and steer away from relationship talk about you guys. He will see the changes, you just have to be you and be more confident and independent.
Have you not seen each other in person yet?
Mosis we saw each other the first weekend after I called him. It was last weekend about 10 days ago. His brother has been in the States recently for a visit and I invited him to take him to my place to visit this city. We live 5 hours drive with each other. They came over the weekend . Everything was good and we had a lot of fun. I called him 3 days after they left here .he talked warmly and shortly. He hasn’t called me yet. I texted him last night and just I said hello but he hasn’t answered.
oh well it seems you aren’t doing too bad 🙂
when you text him and said “hello” is that all the text said? or did you elaborate into anything else? You should wait a few days at least before contacting him again to make sure he either text you back, or just to not look so desperate to talk. Possibly even a week if you can hold out. Just remember whenever you talk to him ESPECIALLY over text, it has to be something he can reply too. One word messages are for people who are back in that flirty range which he is not yet, he has to grow interest again. So any text that you send first needs to be conversational type messages. Like asking a question, or something like “i already miss your brother :p did he make it back okay?” stuff like that, things that don’t have to do much about you two, thats how you get him started on replying. Because just saying hi can mean ALOT of different things in his mind and kind of pressures him to wonder what it is you are going to say next. He might reply, but give it a few days – a week before you try again.
also you said you don’t have each other on fb and stuff right?
Mosis, he’s just texted me back this : Hi , I was sleeping when you texted me last night”
and I texted” Ok. NP. I just wanted to say hi and to say I missed you badly last night.
He hasn’t text me again.I think I shouldn’t have told him about missing him, right?
When they were here over the weekend , we slept with each other, but during the day, he tried to be distant. He even didn’t hold my hands or didn’t do the stuff he used to do….when I told him that I missed him and happy to be around him , he only said” Thank you”. We broke up 5 months ago and he’s been like this , only want to be friends. We fighted before NC and he ignored my calls for more than one week and ….
There will be a concert by our favorite singer in his city on this weekend. I’ve been thinking of asking him if he likes to join me in the concert and I go there. Is it too early?
yeah you have to slow down, i mean we will see what he says to that missing him thing but its too soon.
but stay away from the emotional talk until you feel he is the one putting it out, remember to take it slow, build up positive experiences again, like the visit last time, and the concert ect. Focus on taking it slow and not so much talking about your feelings. I know it can be confusing because you slept with each other and you had a good time made you feel like the old times, but he has to get his system updated again. Don’t mention the concert, wait to see what he text back, if he does. It might take longer for him to reply to a message like that
Thank you so much Mosis. You’re right. I shouldn’t talk about my feelings but I always forget that. I’m impatient.
We all fall into the trap 🙂 don’t beat yourself up over it, you just have to learn and use it as motivation to not do it again. I don’t usually reply to my ex now when she text me, just because i don’t wanna say anything emotional that ill regret 10 min later. The emotions are usually the first reaction. Right now you just want to build up good experiences together and get back into his mind and his system of thinking about you, which you did a good job of with the visit, but can’t overload it too soon
sorry i mean to say when my ex text me i don’t usually reply fast. i take my time and think about it first. ending no contact and getting talking again is just a part of the battle to getting your ex back it isn’t the solution to get them emotional again, that takes timing and work
Right. So you think I shouldn’t offer to see him on the weekend? He doesn’t either if I don’t
well i mean, i would wait until maybe tomorrow to ask him? It depends on how he reacts to you saying you are missing him. If he doesn’t respond positively as in relating to the feeling of missing you or wanting to you see you, i say don’t do it.
If he does, DO NOT continue talking about feelings, if he says he missed you too or thinking about you, keep it short and say something like “thats nice to hear 🙂 ” and then continue talking about your day or something completely off that subject. After that, before you say your goodbye for the day let him know you was going to go to a concert in his town this weekend for the artist if he wants to join you (but making it as if you are going regardless if he joins or not)
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.