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Tricky because we’re good friends, we run into each other often, and because we both agreed to somehow keep the friendship alive. Should I tell her I’m going into NC?
We’re essentially long-time great friends who dated for about 1.5 years. She broke up with me due to a loss of connection; she no longer felt the love. She keeps it real and tells it how it is, and she insisted it was nothing I particularly did or didn’t do. She can’t explain why she feels the way she does. I believe her. She also has high stress, in general, and she did imply this change in feeling occurred during one of her “funks” she gets in.
It’s been about 3 days since the breakup, still occasionally texting each other. We sort of agreed to keep the friendship going somehow, since there is no animosity between us. As of now, she’s surprised how well I’m taking it and says I should be angry at her for harming me in this way. I play it casual and am not acting needy in any way. I do text her when she texts me only or 1x I did text her for attention, but not things that I would say classify as needy.
Last few texts were her apologizing for breaking up and hurting me. And how she thinks she needs to stop texting me and deal with her sadness on her own, without telling me. I told her to feel better and she apologized again. She then said (via text) she’ll leave me alone for a while and said sorry.
I’m up for going into NC, but how do I deal with the fact that I will be guaranteed to see 1-2x a week? Also, my biggest question is that she basically told me she’s going NC herself, should I explain that I’m also going into NC? If so, do I tell her we should do what’s best for us, that I want her to be happy, yada yada and THEN go into NC? Or just go straight into NC now that she brought it up first?
Thanks for reading!@bbatheson – There is no need to explain you’re going into no contact. Since she already told you that she’s going NC, just respect her decision and don’t contact her. Don’t tell her “we should do what’s best for us” or you want her to be happy etc.. as it sounds kinda needy. She apologized and you’ve accepted her apology. That’s enough for now. You could resume the friendship when she’s ready and contacts you again. Stay strong and resist the temptation to contact her.
Thank you! That seems like real good advice.
Now that that’s out of the way, I am in NC mode and will be here as long as I need to be. I must say that given her personality-type (has pretty low low’s, reaches out to people for help), I imagine at some point before the first 30 days, she will text me. I hope she doesn’t, but I have a hunch that she will. She’s never been good at “staying away” from people she claims to stay away from.
My response should be…nothing? If i give her nothing, she will say that I hate her, and will agree to ultimately leave me alone (something she has told me I should be feeling). My question is: If/When she does text me, should I remind her I need my space? Or should I straight up ignore her?
I know not to engage a conversation, but ignoring this specific person seems like it can blow up in my face.
Thanks again!@bbatheson – If she contacts you, don’t ignore her and don’t tell her you need more space. It was her idea about the space thing, so if she breaks it, that means she’s reaching out to you and wants to talk or wants advice about something or whatever. Just keep your replies very short and to the point.
Sooo, she just texted me after like 5 days NC and asked if I will let her know when I’m okay speaking with her again.
I replied with “yeah, i will do that”
She replied saying thank youDo yall think I responded correctly? Thanks
judging by your tone seems like it complies with our rule book. that is being extremely neutral and not needy. Think you did the right thing.
Thanks for the opinion!
Knowing she gets sad at times (painful-to-watch-sad), I was very tempted to ask if everything was alright. Or, like, saying if she needed to tell me something. Idk, but I decided to play it safe.
Still doing the AHW’s and sorta feeling better already and have a plan to try things/activities I said I’ve always wanted to try but never did.
No problem buddy, I am worried after my first contact that i’ll have to deal with issue like yours. Tht i may care too much as well! Think we have to be firm in following the plan!
I am on my 14th day NC i dont get breakdowns as much or think about her too much. but just now i panicked a bit thinking about first contact. truly nerve wrecking stuff
I’d love to hear your opinion on this!
Thanks in advance!@bbatheson – Why do you say you’re guaranteed to see her 1 or 2 times a week? Same job or school? Since she contacted you first, just send a short text and let her know she can get in touch with you whenever she wants or needs to .. or if you need more time to process everything, let her know you would be happy to hear from her in a couple of weeks or so..
That’s because she works at a business I frequent. I drop in 3-4 times a week, and she works at the front desk of this place.
Okay. Well, all that was said last night were those 3 simple texts. I feel like it’s too late to come out and say that now without looking needy.
Although I still am very tempted to say something like she can get in touch with me if she needs to, as you suggested.
Edit: i have yet to see her at this place of business and think I may just go when she’s not on the schedule and stay true to NC. My other thought is maybe to tell her in person that she can get in touch with me if she needs to. Suggestions?
Is it necessary that you “drop in” to this business? Did you answer all her texts? Besides the one that asked you when you would be okay speaking with her again, what else did she say? You could tell her in person when you’re ready to speak with her again, but it might be awkward. Maybe wait and stay no contact for a couple of weeks and then just send a simple text to start communication again. After that, it wouldn’t be as awkward whenever you see her at the business place.
It’s a small gym and I pay a hefty price to workout there on my ‘usual’ days; however I’ve decided to only workout there when she’s not there. I was initially hesitant to reduce my workout load due to the high cost of the gym.
This is all that was said:
Her: Will you just let me know when you’re ok with speaking again?
Me: Yeah, I will do that.
Her: Thank you.That’s it. I almost sent this: Btw you can text me whenever you want or need to. That’s still a thing.
However I didn’t send it.I get the feeling (I’m pretty sure of it) that she is worried about losing me as a friend, so confirming that I will talk to her eventually was a relief to hear. I think NC was a shock for her and she wanted to gauge the situation. Do you suggest I reply with that text I almost sent?
@bbatheson – I’m assuming you two became exclusive at some point during the 1.5 years you were dating, no? Yes, send the text..
Yes, definitely exclusive.
So, about the gym thing. She text me saying she has to work on a day she’s not scheduled, which is when I work out. Her words were like, i will be there tomorrow i hope thats okay
Avoid her or not? NC for 11 days now and haven’t seen her in about 15 or so days
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