Should I communicate after 3 months of successful NCR?

Dear Kevin,

My boyfriend broke up with me a year and 3 months ago following a 3 month trial period after I broke up with him first. The reason I broke up was that after being together in a 2,5 years LDR, seeing each other mainly during weekends and vacation, I got tired of him not starting his divorce process, not changing jobs (he was constantly complaining for both without taking any action) and not finding a solution to live together. He immediately asked me to give him 3 months to take care of his issues, he in turn asked me to lose weight ( I became overweight during our relationship). I agreed as I got my hopes up that this could work. He did start working on his issues but at the same time he would find ways to communicate less with me, as if he was preparing disconnecting himself from me. We had many fights, I wasn’t myself during that period, I felt something bad was about to happen and I wasn’t loosing any weight.

At the end of the three months he broke up with me saying that he only used me to get over his ex wife. I was shocked by how cold and distant he was, it was impossible to make him change his mind. Four days later I found out I was pregnant, told him and he got furious and wanted me to terminate the pregnancy. I said I would think about it and tried to gain time in case I could convince him to change his mind, keep the baby and live as a family.

Months earlier we had planned a very long distance trip to attend his brothers wedding, I had paid the tickets for both of us, as I am financially in a much better position than him, and I had offered to do so because he hadn’t met with his family in 2,5 years and knew this was so important for him.

He asked me not to go to the trip with him but I convinced him in a relaxed and cheerful way, agreeing that if any of us would get the other in a fight/dispute we would have to pay a fine.

The trip was a disaster, his family looked at me with contempt and pity knowing only that I was the ex girlfriend, not about the pregnancy. The secret came out when he told his brother but after that he was extremely angry with me and treated me like an unwanted stranger.

We ve been a part ever since back from that trip, which was the time that I found out that I had lost the baby. After I informed him we started chatting in What’s up once per month, first to tell me he was sorry and ashamed for his behavior, then me telling him that I forgive him. 3 months after we broke up we got into a relationship with a woman he was bad mouthing while we were together and moved to her place in no time. Last November he informed me of his divorce and late December about his new job and although I was thrilled about him getting half custody of his son I acted indifferently about his job. He got furious and told me that he was being punished for treating me badly, that this was his karma, and that he wanted me to learn the news and support him because he thought I would be happy after I helped him so much to do these things while we were together.

I exploded telling him to talk to his girlfriend and that I had no place in his new life. At the same time I demanded that he heard about my side of the story, how I had felt about our relationship and the brake up and so he called me last December to hear me out. He agreed with my point of view, told me that he is having a horrible time with his girlfriend, that she does like his son and creates problems to them ( I love his son and he loves me), that she has 100 times more problems than I did and that he lives in a small torture chamber. I explained that I have no interest in hearing this out and I got furious at him for not taking his son away from that unhealthy environment. At the end of the conversation I asked one question: “what do you intend to do with this need that you created in me to have a family?”
He called me 3 weeks later to tell me that he cannot be with me because he would not be able to live with himself after the way he treated me and that it would be disrespectful from him to me and from me to myself to accept him back. He said he lied that he used me to get over his ex and lied about not loving me when he broke up with me.

Last January, just before my last conversation with him, his ex wife contacted me to meet his 6 year old son, she said that the fact we didn’t have the chance to say good buy was difficult for the child and that I was a very important part of his life. I met them and seeing the little boy was one of the happiest moments I’ve experienced in my life. His mom explained to me that the new girlfriend is not a “child’s person” like I was and that my ex boyfriend was terrified that if I met his son the boy would never go see his dad again.. The months after our break up the little boy was asking for me and refused to follow his father at the place he lived with his new girlfriend.

So, no communication with my ex since last January. I went on a date last month and made sure he will hear about it from our friends. I’ve lost 17kg, I exercise often, I see a therapist throughout all this time and I live my life to the fullest. The question is, what do I do now?

Could you please give me your opinion on the matter? I still feel an immense connection to this man and I think he does too but I really have no clue about his thoughts and feelings about me. Maybe it’s over and I should let things be?
I do feel this man is good but has a low self esteem that serves as a very bad advisor in his life…

Thank you so much for your time and patience to read my long story!
Sun Sunday