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Posts
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@Tommys83 You mentioned a few times talking to her friends. Don’t. I’ll tell you from a female perspective that this will only hurt your chances with her. It will come across as pathetic. Trust me. Her friends will also run and tell her everything you said first chance they get. You don’t want to be the butt of jokes or anything. You want to look confident and strong.
Feedback on your text, cut out the first part saying you know she probably doesn’t want to hear from you. That sets a negative tone off the bat. My ex sent me an email saying the same thing in the first sentence and it made me immediately defensive and angry. I remember thinking, “If you know I don’t want to hear from you, why are you messaging me! Idiot!” Hahaha. So, cut that part, and keep it straight to the point. Since you are sending as a text, maybe cut it down a little so it isn’t so large. Other than that, I think it’s good! Good luck. š
Thanks so much for your feedback, it’s good to get a female perspective and I will take what you said on board.
I think I am going to wait untill next week to make the first contact and I will cut the txt down a bit and definately won’t speak to her friends.
Thanks againHey Everyone,
Sorry for the inconsistency in replying to the post. I have been really busy and was in a whole lot of trouble lately.
I would like an opinion regarding this. Me and my ex shared a lot of things and one of it was my dropbox account. I am not sure if I should change the password to it now or let it be. She has not used it in a very long time and she has not used it since we broke up. Though I did tell her she can still use it immediately after we broke up. I would like to change the password to keep my stuff private but at the same time I do not want to send the wrong message.
Change it. She decided not to have you in her life why would you want to give her access to anything pertaining to it? Make her decision final, makes her feel more of a sense of lost (although I doubt she’d even use your Dropbox to be honest)
@Tommys83 I think waiting a bit is a good idea. Write out exactly what you are going to text her and then just think on it for a few days to make sure it’s what you want to send. Keep us posted. š
@Martin I agree with confusedbutok, just change the password. It’s yours after all.NC day 27 for me. I never thought I would get here, the 30 days are almost up! It seemed like such a long time at the beginning, but it feels like the time flew by. I’m not sure how long I want to go, but feel I need to go longer with NC.
I made a another thread a couple days ago, and figured id post it here too for more advice…. under “Where do I go from here? In NC forums…..
Hi guys, ive been reading a bunch of threads and stories since i took a look at this sight two months ago (my break up). At first i didnt feel the need to ppst anything about my story but now, 2 months later, things seem to have not really moved at all. I dont think the story is needed but heres where im at. 1. We broke up 2 months and some days ago after a 2 year relationship. 2. Shes not ābestā friends with one of my close friends but they text/snap eeveryday if not every other day, eeither or or both.(Really bothers me) 3. Im still in a good relationship standing with her parents. 4. She blocked me on Instagram, and deleted me on facebook. 5. She hangs out with a mixture of guys and girls when she can, sometiems more guys, they are friends of my friend sometimes so thats how i know. I was pretty solid with NC even though day by day it got a bit harder but after reading the steps and other peoples stories, i knew i needed t stay positive. I would get down time to time hearing about guys she hangs out with or her texting my friend alot. A bunch of different small things, yet the jealousy in me makes me think theres more to it. I at least brought it up to my friend and he assured we are like brothers, even though i still dont feel sure about the situation. But i admit i was feeling a bit better after that. Just i feel like it implies smomthing more and i dont want to be that guy that says he has to stop, only fearing her finding out and thinking im super jealous. As far as the guys she hangs with, i dont know them on a friend level but i know them, and some know me, yet kick it with her and invite her places. Ive been hurt by friends and exes before doing stuff so this stuff truly bothers me a little bit.
I got her a few small xmas gifts because i felt like doing something nice, nothing i got was emotional or hinting at me. Just some things i know she likes. I was in a good holiday spirit. I jist asked her parents not to tell her it was from me, and instead from them, so it wouldnt recieve anything negative and i felt it would just be better that way. I didnt do anything after that until New Years, where i simply sent a messagr sayimg happy new years and nothing else really, no responseā¦.
It stung a bit but i kind of expected it. You take a leap of faith trying to get some reaction, some civil ground, and nothing comes of it. Should i restart another 2 months of NC? If i do start over, is there a chance of amy of these guys, including my friend, possibly getting with her? Is there a chance she even thinks about me, let alone wants to be friends? Shes a strong girl who knows what she wants. And honestly i just want to be friends for a while before i even think about going back into a relationship as i know im not ready. But that seems unlikely. So yeah, im stuck, any thoughts?
Wow. It’s been a while since I’ve been on this site.
I started all like you. All I want to say is that if you’re feeling down don’t worry. Time heals everything (NC). Especially for those that get the feeling they won’t be getting back with their ex. I didn’t end up getting her back. But nc made me realize that I wasn’t happy with her either. But my feels of attachment made it hard for me to realize that.
Couple days ago I ran into my ex at the gym with her new bf. Hadn’t seen her in about 6 months. When I saw her so many things went through my mind. Seeing her with another man made me think that at one point in my life she was soo important to me and today while I looked at her she was a stranger to me. I didn’t know who she was when at one point I knew everything about her.
Nevertheless, I didn’t not feel anything for her. No old feelings no feeling hurt no nothing or attraction .. She was just like any other stranger in that gym. That’s when I knew I was completely and absolutly over her. She no longer hunted my mind and my dreams. It’s a good feeling.
I got this far without even knowing. One day you just stop thinking about what’s unimportant. What doesn’t deserve your attention.
Ontop of that all my friends that were with me came to be me and said three words that made day “she downgraded bro” surround yourself with people that care about you. You’ll be ok
Great words LA,
I guess we both had breakup around the same time. After a long time, I also ran into my ex at gym–yesterday and day before yesterday! Day before yesterday she came close to handrails to see me from upstairs and I acted like I haven’t noticed her! Probably she is curious to know what I’m doing these days. I also felt like I’m no more nervous or excited when she is around me. I can’t say she was a stranger to me but she was not close to anyone I wanted to be with.
Guys, 7 months ago I begged her not breaking up with me! In those days, I thought I can never overcome her empty space in my life. Nothing made sense to me and I was exhausted calculating what might have gone wrong! Yet, my breakup was not over-night! I had become a doormat that she would run over in public or with friends. My attachment was so strong that I simply overlooked being humiliated. The last smash on my face me realize that I’m on a wrong track in my relationship life. The last smash was when I went to see her in her office after 100 days of NC. She started screaming and threatened me to call police. One of her colleagues jump in and offered her help in calling police. F**k man! F**k that life! F**k that @$$hole and f**k my ex! It still annoys me when I think I might have gone to jail for begging her for accepting me again after 100 days of NC.
Anyway, just like LA I feel good these days. I meet new people and new girls. For example I met a girl yesterday on bus and we laughed for 20 minutes–it was from bottom of my lungs! I was thinking like “man, when was the last time I laughed this much talking to a girl”. Honestly, good thing will happen to all of your life!
Stay strong everyone! Best wishes!
@john1234 Did you break NC at any point other than to wish happy New Years? There is a chance of other guys getting with her, or she may have already been with other guys, but that is just how it is no matter what you do. You have to learn to look past that part and realize you have no control over it. I don’t mean that to sound harsh or anything. If you’ve been reading on the site then you no doubt have come across “rebound relationships,” and such. I’m sure she has thought about you. It isn’t easy to forget someone (even if you try) after being in a relationship for a length of time. I don’t think another 2 months of NC will do anything for you. My best advice would be to take another week or two for yourself and decide what you want to do and then reach out to her if you are feeling ready. Anyone else have thoughts on this?
@LA and @Robot 3 Thank you for posting your experiences. It gives us a lot of reassurance that things will eventually get better. Thank you both for that. I’ve already decided I don’t want my ex back, but all the emotions and pain are still there. I really look forward to the day where I can be like both of you and have completely moved on.
I need a bit of advice. I’m on day 28 NC. I don’t know if I feel ready to talk to my ex yet, but should I just bite the bullet after my 30 days are up? I have to talk to him eventually, can’t really get out of it. Should I keep up NC for another 30 days? If I could, I’d never talk to him again, haha. I’m open to any thoughts on the matter.
@Nell
I am on about day 33 of No contact and I am slowly feeling ready to get back in touch. I think you will really know when you are ready, so donāt stick to deadlines as in “right thatās 30 days up….I will contact him.” just do it when you feel ready and strong enough and personally I think the best time to do it is when you kind of feel not too bothered about the result. Idk.Obviously we are all on here because we want our ex’s back but I love and admire @Robot3 and @LA comments and notes about how they have really moved on. I feel I am nearly at that stage myself which will mean I am in a much better position to regain contact with my ex because I now feel a lot stronger and a lot more confident and I feel if it doesnāt work out…then sod it, I know I will have tried and will be able to move on and find someone else. The NC time really does help especially if you really take up the advice of bettering yourself, going out with friends and family, meeting new people etc.
With my situation, I am just very frustrated that after 2 and half years, this is the first time we have had a problem, she didnāt tell me how she was unhappy in the relationship (Even though I knew things werent going well in the final months), she just left and is not willing to work through things. Now she is in a different city and I never see her.
A lot of couples come out the other side a lot stronger after a small break and I am sure me and my girlfriend could as well if she is willing to give it a try. The thing is, I said all of this to her straight away without any NC which was never going to work as I was pleading and begging. I should have done NC and then bought these things up with her.
Now, I am not sure whether to start the contact with the attitude of not bringing up any of the past and going for false friendship? Or getting in touch with a letter saying something like….. “I have had time to reflect on where I was going wrong (I know I was definitely in a slump and not enjoying my life that much. But now, during no contact I am living my life a lot better and enjoying myself a bit more), I needed this as a kick up the ass and I have improved myself and want to make things work again. This time apart has shown me that I do really want to be with you (I know I didnāt show it enough to her during the last few months of our relationship and that is something I would definitely improve. To not give it that chance is just CRAZY to me)” something like that….I’m just not sure?? Any advice from anyone would be appreciated.
I’m currently on Day 23 since my break up. Technically, I am on day 15 of no contact, but I don’t really count it. I’d say it’s been around 20 days or so of no actual contact (aka when I stopped begging).
Everyday it seems like I feel something different. I’m angry for giving so much of myself and putting forth so much effort into someone to leave me so quickly. I’m angry because I messed up and instigated the whole thing. I’m angry because he didn’t realize how much I did for him, and couldn’t have found so many important factors reasons to stay. For these reasons, I am also upset, and I miss him terribly. I now realize what should have been done towards the end of the relationship, and it’s just upsetting thinking it may be too late. I want him to realize he made a mistake. I want him to miss me. I want him to want me again. I also want the upper hand. I’m tired of feeling helpless and not having a say in anything. I got too attached and let myself go in the relationship. I’m all over the place, really.
Lately, I’ve been really up and down with my emotions, and have come close to breaking no contact. I just need to hold off for the next week or so until my NC period is over, however I am very hesitant to even reach out to my ex at this point. Part of me feels that avoiding it all together may just be better in the long run (lots to think about I suppose). Knowing him, he won’t be contacting me, so it’s on me. Honestly, I just don’t want to get hurt all over again. I’ve read tips on contacting an ex after NC but I’m drawing a blank here. My only real options here are snapchat and texting, due to the fact my ex doesn’t have much social media.
The last time we REALLY spoke was when I was begging him to reconsider his choice. He said his mind was still made up, yet we could talk things out when he got off work. I then proceeded to beg more, but realized what I was doing and just stopped. He never texted me to “talk things out” after work, and I couldn’t let myself pester him anymore after that. I caved in on NC and texted him on Christmas saying I hoped his holiday was good, blah blah blah, he replied with a brief text saying he hoped the same for me and that was it. Since then, no real contact. He’s constantly checking my snapchat stories for whatever reasons, but that’s it. I’m honestly afraid to talk to him at some point because I fear it will go badly. His disinterest in me hurts and I can’t handle a repeat of the feeling that accompanied this break up, especially back at school.
I honestly think after this whole thing, we would be fine together. It was a much needed break and put a lot about the relationship into perspective (both good and bad). I don’t know if we’re really right for each other. What I do know is that I don’t want everything we had to be for nothing, so it’s worth trying for. Once I gain a better mindset and improve myself more, the only obstacle is how exactly to re-initiate contact. I’m unsure of how to even talk to him. I’ve read so many tips and methods but nothing seems right. I’m impatient, but more importantly nervous and scared.
@Tommys83 Thanks for your reply. You are right. I was feeling in a hurry to just get it over with, but I know I’m not really ready to talk to my ex yet. Last time we communicated he was trying to be manipulative and I don’t have the energy for it right now. I’m liking the time apart and floating around in my own world. I think I’ll stay here for a while longer.
As for your question, I’m not really sure what advice to give you on that. I think your approach will depend on what you want and feel comfortable doing. Either way it’s 50/50 if she will want to get back together or not. The only thing I can suggest is just taking time to think on it and see how you feel after a few days. I wish I had better advice for you.
@kat22 Everything you said we have all felt or are feeling right now too. Your feelings being all over is completely normal, it’s the stages of grief/breakup. I remember the anger stage for me was particularly bad, the worst of them all. Time really does help and you will feel less all over the place as time passes.You are not helpless at all. I’m sorry you feel that way and I understand. You have control over yourself and your life. Your ex doesn’t have control over those things. If you need to, you can extend your no contact period, like @Tommys83 and I were talking about. If you’re not sure what to do or not feeling ready, you don’t have to contact him. This period of NC is just as much for you and your emotional well being. No matter what happens between you and your ex, you will be just fine. Either you will get back together, or you will move on and find someone or something 10x better.
@Nell i want to thank you on ypur reply! I think that is a good idea and i will try that. Ill wait until this next Wednesday or thursday and if ready, i will come up with a draft for a letter or text. And ill ask for your guys’ opinion on this same thread so be on the lookout š thanks guys. Stay strong and positive, and keep up the good work with NC!
I’m feeling pretty miserable today. I used to see my ex on weekends so they’re pretty hard on me. All that runs through my mind is possibility of her with someone else.
Last I knew she was seeing other people and was on match.com. Found out the subscription for match lasts 6 months so it made me feel very discouraged of her coming back. NC for 30 days wouldn’t even phase her
@confusedbutok I’m sorry you are feeling down. It will get better. I used to feel the same way about the weekends too, but as time went on, that feeling went away.
I had a few friends try match.com. They posted their experiences and conversations on fb. It was a nightmare. The guys on those sites don’t know what they are doing, it’s a joke. I don’t think you should let that get to you at all. She will come across more jerks and losers than she will know what to do with. The commercials for those sites want you to think you are going to meet your soul mate. Highly unlikely! Sit back and relax and enjoy knowing that they will make you look better and better! š
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