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Thanks for the input. I will continue as i have so far. NC will continue for zero contact from my end, radio silence still in effect 🙂
She is planning another trip to now take her brother and others friends to meet the new guy. Every passing day this becomes more and more hurtful, she is being so public about it that is hard to not find out no matter how much i avoid it.
This is becoming kinda of hopeless, they been dating since December (we dated till later January) and i didnt find out till early March, they seem to be going more steady each passing day.
It really hurts since this girl meant so much to me and she play me really dirty, despite all i still lover her 🙁
Im afraid this trip may bring them closer and it feels like she is trying to seek the approval on the new guys by those around her.
So far im on day 14 of the NC
Also should i be putting up pics and such in instagram, sharing what i been up to and such? or just regular quotes i stuff. i used to before but i stop in order to limit what she knows about me. we are not friends in instagram so she cant see my stuff but she may get wind of it via mutual friends.
Sorry for the constant bother… this past few days have been the hardest so far and its only been 2 weeks of NC. im still trying to understand why she did the things she did when she claimed she loved and i meant so much to her.
I understand it is tuff right now.
What are your thoughts on this guy? Be honest now…
Is he a better guy for her then you are? You know what she is looking for in a man and what she values. In what areas do you think he wins, and in what areas do you think you win?Let her date around with this guy. An “affair” like this normally dies after 6 months on avarage. So you have plenty of time to work on yourself and improve.
Right now she is in the honeymoon stage. Everything is just so wonderfull and in her mind he is the most wonderfull thing that ever happend. You know how it is in the beginning 🙂
Right now she wont give you any thoughts what so ever.
At some point she might start to reach out. Just a classic “how are you doing” text. These texts will only be send to you out of guilt and to keep you around just in case this new guy doesnt work out.
But remeber: it takes a long time.
14 days NC is noting in this case. 3 months is nothing.
When an ex rebounds it takes longer for the feeling of “missing you” hits them.
You shouldnt expect anything to happend these next 6 months.Hope my post made sence.
I read the story and based on all that I know on this subject, a lot of stuff just came to my mind that I needed to tell you. So I just typed it all down as it came to me 🙂In all honesty i dont know much about the guy, he live about 4hrs away from our town. So anytime they meet she travels to see him, he has yet to travel to our town. She may looking for me in him as from what little i seen we may share few qualities.
And yes you are right, this is the honeymoon stage. She can get a bit hard to deal with with time, only reason i was around is due to having the patience to deal with it and i loved her. Dunno if he has the same amount of resolve.
Only advantage is see so far is that his family like hers, on the other hand my family wasn’t so nice midway trough our relationship. Eventually it got better after i stood up to them. And her mom doesn’t like me, she rather have her date any guy as long as its not me.
Her mom is rather selfish and dont want to let go of her. The one reason i think she is “ok” with it is the fact that since they are 4hrs apart (8hrs round trip) it keeps her from seeing him often personally.
My other concern is that he may want to marry her and she may push for it. Despite all that she has done she is a great girl and an awesome catch. If this happens it will be towards the 1yr mark and at that point i know she will be gone for good 🙁
Ok so something new happen. I need urgent advice on the next step.
We ran into each other at the local startbucks. She ran and hid in the bathroom before I walked in but I saw her as I was parking and she saw me too. I said hi to her brother while there as I bumped into him too. I asked her brother why was she hiding from me. She reply idk.
After I left, five mins later. I get a text from her on a new number. She wanted to say hello and we text for a few mins. I played it cool and all when well. What do you guys make of it? What should be my next step? I have a feeling that shortly after this she may want to start hanging out again. Let’s keep in mind that her guy lives on another town. If she wanting someone close to keep near? Or maybe there is trouble already on their relationship ?
Will great to get some input.
Thanks.
Very interresting. There is clearly still some feelings there. I guess face-to-face was to much for her, so she ran to the toilet and then used text because it is easier.
It is ok to reply to the text as long as you do not invest more in the conversation then she does. Reply as short and as slow as she does. Shorter and slower if possible. Remember: you are only replying to be polite. You are not replying because you miss her, or want her back. Well….. Yes you are, but she cannot know that! 🙂
She must never ever know that she can have you back anytime she want. And be careful. Our ex’s have a 6th sense about these things.But back to your original question.
There are still some feelings there if you ask me, but try not to let it get to your head. She is with this new guy, and her talking to you is most likely just because she wants you as a backup, just in case.
And no. Hanging out is a big no go when she is in a rebound. You are just helping himLook at this reply I gave in another thread:
If you stick around trying to be “friends” with your ex, the rebound person has a much easier time of it. The rebound person doesn’t have to be that emotionally supportive, because someone else is taking up the slack for him. A person who knows the dumper far better then him (you). This goes back and forth until the rebound learns enough to take over from you and that’s when you are pushed out.
It explains very well why you should not hang out with her while she is with him. 🙂
Thanks CreeD. Will keep it in mind. I know i had few other questions but they currently escape me lol
Ok here are a few lol. How long or when will it a good time to hang out? Do i let her to continue to initiate the contact or do i occasionally (every several days) send her a text? Her new guy living on a different town (4hrs away) will that make her want to be closer to me since the other guy isn’t around much other than via text or calls? Sorry for the constant bother. Im sure i have few others that i cant think of right now…
Thanks
1) when she wants you back. Remember friendzone is a no go…
2) never initiate contact. Remember: you are not interrested anymore, and she cannot get the impression that you are. She needs to be affraid that she lost you. If she dumped this guy and was single I guess a little contact would be ok.
3) The fact that he lives so far away is a major plus for you. Remember that when the honeymoon stage of her relationship fades, she will start to compare him to you. Him being 4 hours away, you being close by…. It will be very hard for him to reach the same level of closeness as you and her had.Hope this helps a bit. You seems to have a good situration going here.
Just keep your cool. She needs to feel like she has lost you.
If she feels like she has lost you, her mind will panic. Just like it did with you when you lost her.
If she doesn´t feel like she has lost you, there will be no reason for her mind to panic, and she will not be in any hurry….Hope this helps. And no worries my friend. I remember when I just got dumped. I had a million questions in my head, but when I finally sat down in front of the computer it was hard to find the words.
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