My little story – need advice

We are both turning 27 in a week, and we got together when we were 21. We met on New Years Eve and I fell in love right at that night. I knew that we had something special as I never felt that way before, talking through the whole night, she having me 30 cm away from her face, so I had to slow things down a bit as I didn’t want to scare off her. We got together before Valentine’s Day, 13th Feb, 2014. Everything was magical, we went to university together, we had some of our classes together, went for a dance course on the university as well. We had our first trip on the summer, and she was a bit scared when I got the idea after 3 months to go on a holiday together, but ended up perfectly, we were in true love. We got to know each other’s parents, everyone got along, and the next summer we planned a joint holiday with both of our families, and it was also true fun. I went with her family on ski trips as well; they were accepting me and considered me as a member of the family from the start. We went on small and larger trips as well, weekend getaways, 1 week chill out on the beach every year, 10-day trip to China in 2017 and so on.

We weren’t living really together in the first 2,5 years. She had rented a flat when we met, and we grew together there as I spent more and more time with her. We always had our costs split, there was no question about it. We had our first Christmas together in 2014, we went for dance classes, cooking classes, and we loved board games, watching series, having dinner on our small balcony, taking walks in the city. Lovely times. We also loved to go to festivals and we never missed our favorite.

Her parents always wanted to get her a flat, and I had a passion for searching homes, and when the first it came up, I sent her one (late 2014 or early 2015). In 2016 her parents decided to get her a flat, and I’m not sure if on my recommendation, but they ended up with the one I sent her in the early days. I couldn’t be happier as we were doing the interior design together, although I could have been abashed as the money came only from their side, as it was hers in general. We moved together as the apartment was finished in Summer 2016.

In 2015 she got a job which she didn’t like and her mother got cancer so she resigned from the work, but I stood by her side the whole time, and supported her in every way I could. She got her degree in that year as well and in 2016 she got another job, which she still currently holds.
Me on the other hand struggled to finish my degree, I got it on 2017. And I had the same job basically from 2012 to 2018, there were structural changes in the company, but my tasks were the same, slowly increasing in difficulty as time passed by and got promoted from intern to Full Time Employee. I had quite enough from not having any progress on my career, so I started looking for new opportunities in 2017 but failed to make the change, but in Oct 2018 I got another position. Sadly though it didn’t last long, and in 2019 January I got fired. Thankfully tomorrow I’m starting at a new position.

Talking about our relationship, to me it is quite obvious that it was heaven above clouds for both of us until we moved together. Then for some reason I started to be a bit more introverted than I usually am, it could have been from the stress that I couldn’t finish my degree in time, or that I found little to no joy in my work. She had noticed me 1 or 2 times that something is not right (but not specified) and I was aware of that, but I couldn’t figure out what to do in the long term. We went on holidays, on festivals, and these were quite good fun, but the weekdays got less exciting.

I feel that our highest point was in 2017. In that year one of our friends got pregnant and we wanted to go on a holiday together, but they didn’t want to go anywhere far as the baby was coming. We decided that we want to live before we proceed to the family life, so we planned a trip to China, and later that year we went to Portugal as well. I found myself thinking that this idea of being active is what I want with her and that I want to propose to her someday. But I wanted to be on her level, mostly on careerwise. That’s when I finished my degree and started looking for a new job, but failed in 2017. Early 2018 we were just searching for something when a plane ticket came up having a round trip from Hungary to Paris to New York to Amsterdam back to Hungary. My mind started spinning as what else could possibly be better than a proposal in Paris but we cooled off to see if there’s any room for this huge trip, but in my mind it was still the plan. I was continuing to have a bad mood at the firm I have worked at that time, started to gain weight due to more frequent coffee breaks that included some snacks as well.

Summer 2018 I got the offer from a company which I accepted but ultimately led to us not being able to go on that round trip, and planned a week long beach holiday just before I got into the new position. She went on another 2 week trip with her family end of October and when she got back, she basically jumped on me at the airport, and I couldn’t feel any happier as for me it was a sign of deep love. I knew that I want to propose. Later in November we had a short period when we thought that we will be parents, and we cried together when it didn’t happen. She was always singing that one song that was about a proposal even though she didn’t like to sing. I knew I had to propose. I went to the jewelry store, and ordered a custom-made engagement ring. Christmas came along and now I can tell that there was something in the air, I couldn’t tell, but it just wasn’t that happy, that joyful than before. I thought that she must be thinking about her grandfather who started to break down. I got her tickets to one of our favorite musician’s concert in the summer, as they were selling out fast. She got me a weekend bag to travel with and a set of glassware as I started to like whisky. I opened a bottle of champagne that I got from her way back before and kept it for a special occasion, but wanted to know if it is still good, but it wasn’t. That was the point when it clicked that I should not wait for a special occasion, living is the occasion; “carpe diem” as they say. I wanted to propose, but didn’t have the ring yet. January came along I lost the job, and I decided that I will do everything that I can to be my best self when I propose to her on our anniversary, started working out but I couldn’t be with her that much as I didn’t want to risk going bankrupt.

She went out with her best friend one night and the next morning she told me that she kissed with a guy, a stranger, and it didn’t mean anything. (This happened once before but she made sure that it was nothing serious). She mentioned that she might want to a 2 week break. That didn’t sound so great. A few days later we talked again about this and she clearly wanted the break, wanted to know how she feels without me. The ring was completed, but I felt that it will be no use. I accepted her 2 week break and sadly it included our anniversary. I got her flowers, and left her a small love letter but not telling anything about my plans. 2 weeks went on and she told me that she will go on a short ski trip with her parents. I felt that I could not ever propose to her. She came back and we talked through the night. I started telling her how much she means to me, telling her the above story of how I felt from 2017 and how I developed a feeling of us being a family and that I wanted to ask a question I might never get to. Both of us were crying. She told me that she loves me and that she might never find anyone that loves her this much and that she’s worried about me not to be harmful to myself in any way, that I look so good (lost 10kg), and she acknowledges my work towards myself and she hopes that I’m doing this for myself and not because of her. And that she doesn’t know what she wants but not this, we being in a bit boring relationship what would be OK in 5 or 20 years, but not now and that she feels these ups and downs since we moved together. And in half year she might feel idiot letting me go because she finds some bad person or I find someone else but she has to try out as it would be in her head for the rest of her life. And that she doesn’t want to date me right now, as I told her that I can move out and give this a try, as she doesn’t want to keep me in stock if nothing better comes up.

Since then I got out most of my stuff from the apartment, and I hasn’t really contacted her, but she called me and messaged a few times, once telling me that she is fussy and we talked about a lot of things for 40 minutes but when asking if she would like some company tells me no. She also told me that she finds it difficult to meet me as she is happy to see me, she likes my smell and my looks but it makes her difficult to her as she is confused. We had two activities together, once we sat side by side and we looked at each other a few times, once she was across the circus but contacted me if I went there. Since then one week passed and she told me how a doctor’s appointment went, and called with some household issues. Last time we ran into each other, as I wanted to go to her place for my last items, and she was around the corner going for a theater play with her mom and two colleagues. The original plan was that we and her parents wanted to see the act. So, I walked her to the place, and we talked about how I’m finding the new job, how she got another position at her company, and then she asked how I’m feeling. I told her that I’m developing, but the feelings that I have for her won’t go away that easily, and how much time and effort I’ve put in myself to be my better self. Then she shared with me that she now thinks that she made the right decision. Previously she had some thoughts on getting back together, in the very beginning, but now she doesn’t want the old things. I told her that the old thing clearly had some issues – as we broke up – that we couldn’t work out or didn’t even tried, and I would only want something that is based on the positive things we had and with a lot more open communication between us. I told her that my only regret is that she didn’t wait out my transformation.

I’m not so sure on how to get her back. I’ve done everything that is suggested, half of it I started without the guide (working out and getting a new job, developing my personality) half of it was the systematic approach to this thing. Before the last meeting I had much more hope on getting back together, as it was clear to me that on a physical level she is/was attracted to me. But I don’t understand how the changes that I’m making in myself doesn’t really move her.
I’m not contacting her as in the guide unless she contacts me, but I feel mixed emotions from her, and I feel like she’s trying to overcome those that are connecting to her positively, and maybe develop something with others. My guessing would be that she has a new connection with someone at her firm, and I can’t really win that race if the guy can approach her any time of the day in his best state of mind, being an active and successful person at his job. Her friends are not very helpful to be honest; the girl who she went out with doesn’t really like me I guess, so she’s pushing her away from me, and another guy is mostly on her side and not mine. But everyone else was shocked about how things went down with us. The neighbors thought we were married and my friends hope we will get back together.

I’ll start the NC right after her birthday, as I’m sure she will call me on mine and I want to give her the same thing as we are on great terms otherwise. I know that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and I feel like I’m not desperate to get her back, but I’d truly love to find out if this really can’t be fixed. Any suggestions are welcome.