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So tonight I thought f it.
Time to put my self out there again.
So out of practice it’s unreal ha ha
Mine is a bit of a weird one at the moment.
After staying last week and her refusing to say good bye saying she doesn’t believe we won’t see each other again.
She has messaged me pretty much all week, granted most of the time it’s been me initiating it. However she called me, been asking how I am etc. then she goes cold ignores me for a good few hours.
Last night I could sleep and she was away at a hen party. She contacted me during one of the activities they where doing to tell me about it. We chatted back and forth. They was stuck in line to get in a club, so she was messaging me. I know how she hates to wait for things, so I was winding her up. Then I said random question what are you wearing, she said one of your favourite dresses. I guessed pretty much straight away.
Do I said well good work!
I then said I will leave you to your night, to which she said no it’s ok we are waiting to go in anyway.
So more chat back and forth, I said try to be a bit more approachable with people tonight. Inside joke she is really hard to chat up. Then she said it’s mostly hen parties where they are and she wouldn’t get anyone coming up to her anyway.
I am messaging saying sucks to be you, she left it with oh shhhh.
So yeh God knows
My honest opinion is that you should keep contact to a minimum with her – the constant back-and-forth chit-chatting is friend stuff and with her saying she doesn’t believe you won’t see each other it sounds like she is trying to keep you in her life without needing to approach things romantically. She is probably not doing this consciously, however.
Personally I think you should state your intentions and withdraw. Say you don’t want to just be friends and that if she wants to see you she should get in touch – this is a strong statement that you’re not going to be what she wants, you’re going to be what you want. Then when she does get in touch suggest meeting up, if she says no, walk away and wait. Let her chase you and give her space when she backs off so she can realise and figure out what she actually wants. Also stick to your guns, when you said you would leave her for the night you should follow through with it, carrying on talking because she wants to is playing by her rules and communicating that she has you and can do what she wants.
Not my words, but a phrase which seems to ring true is: “the best negotiating position is having the ability to walk away and MEAN it.”
If you’re effectively communicate to her “oh you don’t want to talk/meet? ok, well if you change your mind give me a call” and just leave it. if she’s contacting you like this she will probably break after a time. you have to frame it so that if she wants to contact you she has to have the conviction to meet with you and spend time with you and figure out what she wants, that she wants you by virtue of the fact she is chasing and putting in effort, rather than what she’s doing now of sitting back and keeping you on a string. Again just my 2 cents
Problem is mate she is away, by the time she gets back if all goes well I will be moving country. This girl seems to be a hell of s lot different to the usual girls I have seen.
I am not going to message today and see is she remembers about me leaving and if she contacts me about the news I was supposed to receive today.
So meeting isn’t an option.
I was going to maybe say why don’t we Skype one day this week for a catch up.
What about that?
You can’t tell when she loses control of the messages because she does the same thing every time to get control back.
I made it clear after I stayed last week I don’t want goodbye I want to try this again in the future
Hi JBurg, she is hoping/expecting you to Skype before you go and you are starting to build some ground here. I would advise to NOT Skype – this is something you can do from your new location and the lack of expected Skype will, I think, have a good effect on her.
Hi mate,
There is no expected Skype.
I was going to suggest it maybe.
In all honesty I am fucked I have no control over this situation or my self. I am annoying people by not even going round circles but remaining stagnant.
I am so scared now to let her go I am completely blinded by her controlling behaviour
Listen, the contact from her is encouraging, use it to feel better and relax. You are going to Dubai, she knows the score and appears to be reciprocating a certain amount of interest. If you become more confident, or can even feign confidence, it will make you more attractive. Honestly, think more of yourself as this girl appears to think something of you to be contacting you from a middle of a Hen party!
Jburg you really need to stop initiating contact. Yes it’s a positive she’s replying BUT it could be just to be polite. You will learn more by not contacting her and if she contacts you.
So that’s me landed in Dubai, time will tell if she now starts moving away that she doesn’t have to worry about me being in the country anymore.
Feeling all over the place emotionally today, turn my phone on to have a few messages saying I think you have done the right thing for you, safe flight etc
I know what you are going through. I am sitting here with a resignation letter and a job that will take me to my ex’s city, but alone. I have to see it as a fresh start, which is what I need, but I am also yearning for things not to be over. I read yesterday that it takes half the amount of time that you were in a relationship to get over it – so that’s 3 years for me!!!
The hardest part for me is that she does not appear to share any of this grief, how can that be? I had a tough night last night, ups and downs, but just need to press on. No contact from her and none expected.
Time to toughen up and face the future. Fortune favors the bold etc. I think your actions will have a positive impact if it helps. You have done the right thing and I really hope it works out for you.
Hi guys it’s been a while.
The move and getting settled has been tough, enjoying it though.
Here for some comfort and advice again unfortunately. Completely confused.
When I moved my ex started initiating contact, messaging every single day. Saying morning and last thing At night sleep well etc. everyday for the past month.
She invited me to stay at her home on a work trip, we almost got intimate but nature didn’t give us chance. Everything had been amazing, she agreed to visit for a weekend.
Then she heads away again for a wedding trip to the states, Granted the time difference is extreme. But she started to get short last Thursday, then went I. To arrogant mode. Baring in mind last wedding 3 weeks ago she couldn’t get enough of talking and flirting with me. So the wedding day comes on Sunday. She initiated contact, then she started being really strange and one word answers etc. so I messaged saying enjoy the night chat later xx. I haven’t heard from her since. That was almost two days now.
I really don’t get it, I personally think she may have done something. She has gone from all to nothing again.
There are some potential warning signs here that something is up, but nothing conclusive, and on the flipside they may be nothing at all.
I think all you can do is wait and ride it out and see what happens. Get on with your stuff for now.
There may be valid reasons for her going a bit quiet/short and then two days of radio silence, particularly if she’s in another country with friends around a celebration or in the process of heading back from it. There may be all kinds of factors at play here, but you simply can’t second guess them.
All you can do is see how she interacts with you next and take it from there.
I’m not saying these are the only possibilities, but just to serve as some examples:
Best case scenario: she’s feeling quite emotional from your prior interactions and then attending a wedding – wedding’s have a weird effect on people sometimes. she may be thinking about things and weighing it all up
Middling scenario: she may have had some interest from another guy and may have even acted upon it, but you guys aren’t an item officially and, as much as it sucks, she’s entitled to do as she pleases – the good news is this doesn’t necessarily threaten your chances if it’s just a case of her exploring her option and feelings and figuring things out.
Worst case scenario: as with the above, except maybe she’s met some guy she really likes, or it’s made her realise the extent of her feelings for you and it’s not enough. Personally I don’t think this is very likely, I think it’s more likely one of the above two, or something else entirely (business stress, busy with friends, in transit, recovering from jet lag etc. etc.)
Yeh I know what your saying, but she headed away again three weeks ago to a wedding and skyped me at 4am. Telling me she fancies me and sending pics etc. then completely out of the blue she gets short and arrogant. She skyped my on the Saturday to say 3 min later ok got to go I am off out for breakfast.
Last time this happened we didn’t speak for two months. It was left with me wishing her a good night.
To which she hasn’t bothered responding to.
I think she has either done something or freaked out. Either way it’s a bit of a shit thing to do
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