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Just get on with your life and try not to think about it. She clearly wants to keep you hanging on but not give you the commitment of a relationship. It’s up to you, what you are willing to take, but I wonder if the friendship is making it better or worse.
I know what you’re saying.
My head seems to be very confused.
Her messages are just friendly as well nothing more.
But it’s calming influence at the moment
Well we have exchanged a few messages back and forth, i feel like i am being awkward and it feels like its going cold again from her side. When we see each otehr she makes an effort and then it dwindles.
I have no idea what to think she has for sure been different this time round.
If only i could show you the screen shots of messages here.
I find it hard to text her like a friend.
Honestly man when she goes cold I would back off and let her come to you. If she backs off and you don’t back off that gives her a feeling of power and control and makes her less interested, hence she goes colder. She should be chasing you and you can be responding to that, but when she isn’t you shouldn’t react by chasing her. But that’s just my 2 cents FWIW.
Not sure why I am writing her, as my pending departure comes ever closure. I am getting more anxious.
She called me this morning, to see how things where going with moving and decided to tell me about a huge thunderstorm last night.
Was convinced I heard a guy talking in the back round.
She is being pretty back and forth with messages.
So I know everyone probably thinks I need to fuck her off.
But I feel so confused and I kind of wanted her to say goodbye and tell me she is with someone I am not ready to let go. This staying over has spiralled me in to an emotional free fall a bit.
Dude – she’s calling you. That’s initiating contact. Stop reading into background noises etc. It’s making you paranoid and isn’t healthy.
In fact I’d say you need her to have someone else so you can move on knowing there is no chance of going back to her. I’m sorry to be blunt.
Honestly, I think both of you can’t let go fully. You say she’s being cold, perhaps that’s her way of trying to move forward and your way of moving forward is by moving to a new place for a new job.
Sometimes timing in a relationship can go amiss meaning two very compatible people can’t work together. I’ve seen it with friends of mine and I’ve even experienced it myself. One party is more engrossed in work, distance gets in the way, one person has unresolved issues, one person isn’t mature enough to sustain a relationship etc…
My advice to you is to continue to try moving forward. Don’t initiate contact yourself,keep trying to sort your own issues out and focus on you. Your the only variable you can control.
It’s clear you have strong feelings for this girl but there are, in my opinion, only two ways ex’s can get back together.
1) Is if the dumper realises early on (after a few weeks/months) that they’ve made an error and they’re not happy without that person in their life. The dumpee must also still have feelings for the dumper and hasn’t begun the process of ‘moving on’, plus it ended on good terms.
2) If both the dumper and dumpee have moved on and forgotten about all the bad aspects of their relationship and there is still an attraction/connection/feelings between the two. Often this can take a longer period of time and is much more rare.
I’d suggest you (and I for that matter) are in between 1 and 2 – if we look at it in a simple way. Your ex isn’t sure if/doesn’t think she made a mistake so she wouldn’t take you back and then there’s the issue of trust… You broke her trust and that’s very hard to regain – in fact the only way is over time.
I wouldn’t say to you ‘fuck her off’ because she’s still in some contact with you and clearly cares about you in some way – but you can’t keep waiting for her and putting your mind through different situations – it’s not healthy. Focus on you, move forward with your life and become a better you, a better person and learn from your mistakes.
I will say this Jburg, this weekend it’s 3 months since I last saw my ex and next week would be 3 months since she ended it by text. I’ve not heard anything even though she was still keeping tabs on me via social media. I took a decision a week or two ago that for my own health I had to move forward so deleted her from my life completely. It was hard but a decision I don’t regret because a weight lifted from me and I started to truly focus on me.
I’m not saying you should forget you ex or delete her from your life but you do need to move forward and pining for her, putting awful situatons in your head isn’t going to work. Focus on you, because the better you make yourself and the happier you are, the more attractive man you become.
Be as blunt as you want mate.
It is pretty clear she cares, but can’t get passed her issues and can’t forgive and forget.
I have changed an awful lot and have really worked on a lot of things. This website and you guys have helped so much.
I love the girl to bits never felt like this at all in my adult life.
She said our best chance to work would be me moving. It’s this was after I had made the decision. I also told her that I would have gone even if we where still together.
Just focus on you. Sometimes you have to move forward without one another and if it’s meant to be down the line, it’s meant to be.
Agreed, just majorly confused and all over the place. So much negativity in my life past few months.
I just want to come out the other side
Again I don’t want to sound like a douche mate, but it could be worse: at least she’s giving you something in terms of saying there might be a chance if you go, still talking to you, expressing that she cares about you, expressing regret that it didn’t work out and acknowledging that you guys had great potential etc.
That’s more than my ex has done. No apologies, no remorse…nothing.
Baz,
I know j am fortunate co sores to some. However in many ways people jsit leaving not looking back let’s you move quicker.
This is the second time this has happened and she plays the oh I don’t lead you on or I don’t want you to wait for something that might not happen. She would never tell me she met someone, to protect my feelings. I jsit hope she didn’t have me in the bed whilst seeing her boss.
As I meant to mention I saw a message by accident, genuine accident saying how awkward she felt seeing me that day when I was having coffee. Her friend saying perhaps don’t date I. Public but then a load of laughing faces.
Just really confused as if she is or has done that, she isn’t the person I thought she was.
Baz, I am same as you. No attempt to be nice, mugging me off and making me feel low, for absolutely no reason. How long were you with your ex? I had a msg from mine 8.30 Sunday morning asking if I was in her city, I replied that I was due to be there Monday – and heard nothing since. I don’t need that, and it is just rude not to respond after opening a conversation. My reply will be a bit more direct next time!
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