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Jburg-I’ve been really busy with work so I haven’t had a chance to actually read this thread that you requested I check out. I did hear that Finntoga is helping you out-that’s great because she’s brilliant!
So guys update from my side.
Went round last night, we ended up having a chat all night and a few glasses of wine.
We didn’t speak about us at all all evening was really nice just chatting.
She then asked me to stay and said but we aren’t sleeping together.
I wanted to leave every ounce of me wanted to go.I ended up staying and we cuddled all night initiated by her. Proper close. We almost kissed but both stopped.
I was there then all morning and she would get out of bed satin I was a bad influence but it was hair so comfortable.Then this morning the chat happened and I told her I can’t say goodbye as I believe if I move away it would make us be able to work.
She said she thinks it would never work if I stay in qatar. That for me the move is the best thing. We hugged again both saying lets not say goodbye. She just said it’s the trust she can’t get passed.
Glad you had a nice evening JB. I am a bit frustrated with her, she clearly has feelings for you but is not working on things with you, just like mine. So many people not working on things anymore grrr. Time will be a great healer here I think, but hanging on to anything now is not going to do you any good. I think you’ve done yourself no harm here, take comfort in the fact that you have shown yourself to be a decent caring guy. That will speak many more words with her than anything else. Now let time do its thing
she clearly is stopping me moving on because she doesnt know what she wants.
She fully admitted this morning that she has completely sut because she cant deal with all this right now, she opened up to me last night about her suffering panic attacks and she thinks she may need to speak to someone. She never told me that before.
She admitted that no one knows what can happen in the future, but she needs to get this summer out of the way. work is all she can think about at the moment.
I said perhaps you could come visit dubai, she said lets see. why don’t you get set up first.
was tough as i turned 180 i went there to say goodbye and now my head is messed up, her behaviour isn’t consistent at all.
I don’t want to sound like a douche saying this mate, but in my experience when a woman wants to spend the night with you but says that she won’t sleep with you it generally means the opposite and she wants to but wants you to initiate it. It may have been that she was giving a chance for the spark to re-ignite through intimacy or it may have been more of a “last goodbye for now” type scenario.
not that it matters too much because from what she’s followed on with it doesn’t sound like that was a make or break scenario.
She is leaving a lot of doors open and opening up to you more, which is positive. You do have to get on with the move and just see how things go as she has said she wants you to go and do your thing and she wants to do hers, but has not closed off the possibility of visiting etc.
I know that’s what it usually means mate, but this one is a unique girl. I tried to kiss her and she said oi. Amongst other things, I didn’t push it.
I am just completely confused by it all. How she can go from binning me of Friday to asking me to come meet her and asking me to stay. Then her initiating the contact All be it a bit of spooning.
The spark was still there for me and she wasn’t looking through me if you get what I mean. Time will tell now.
Wow Jburg if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t know what to think. Could it have been someone that’s lonely looking for a bit of familiarity or that she genuinely misses you and is contemplating having you in her life. Well only she knows and it sounds like she’s just as confused too.
The big thing here is the trust issue. You have to not only regain it but she needs to know she can trust you always. It’s very hard to comeback from your position.
All you can do is keep moving forward in your life and if she wants to be a part of that she will let you know.
@ty10, i agree its up to her to get passed it now.
The past few days i have laid it all out, right or wrong thing to do i don’t care now.
I shouldn’t of stayed, but i would have lived with regret. I had no desire to sleep with her, i wanted what she gave to be honest. All i wanted to know is does she care, i know she has shut down and i can only hope friendship can bring her out of her bubble.
My head is mangled i have no idea where she is. all i can do is listen and continue the move for me. hoping i continue to show positive changes.
I personally don’t think i was emotional all affection was initiated by her.
Guys,
i havent had the best of days to be honest.
I am soooo confused my head is spinning.
No contact isn’t going to work i don’t think, is it fake friendship time or do i let her just get on with her issues.
then some day maybe she may realise it was not all bad.
i did everything i shouldn’t of last night and this morning, this girl has some sort of hold on me and i lose focus and an idea of where i need to be around her.
Its frustrating.
HArd to say Jburg, I think either approach will work now so go with your gut, but don’t be going for FF just because it helps you keep in touch. Think hard. I feel for you mate, I have bad days too, I Was feeling good today but had a really hard pang a short time ago. Just got to take it as part of the process, it does get better.
I guess the most important thing is that you are in a good place, and it sounds like you can contact her without prejudice. This can only be good, but be cool. Don’t mess it up with a flood of emotion.
Jburg, Keep moving forward with your life. If she wants to be there for you/with you, you’ll know.
Jburg, try to cool off your responses now. Start to create some distance for yourself. As ty10 states, if she wants to fill the void, she can.
It’s like a carbon copy of last time.
We saw each there again I stayed there. This time round she was more receptive to contact. Like holding each other.
She messages again from the airport and asked me this week every other after the gym how it had gone.
Now she has flown back to the UK for two weeks. It’s like as if she can show she cares and knows she isn’t going to be here to have to deal with the next step.
So confusing
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