Mixed Signals/ Blowing Hot and Cold

All I can suggest is to give it more time and try again in a few weeks to a month. She might be a bit more responsive by then when she hasn’t heard from you in a while. You never know, she might be considering replying but is forming a response and working out what to say. Even if she gets with this other guy (I’m not saying she will), things might not work out and you could end up hearing from her at some point in the future. I know you want her right now, but be patient, and time will tell whether you two were meant to be.

If she’s not ready to be friends yet, give her time and she may contact you. That explains why she didn’t respond to your message; she simply isn’t ready. That is a good sign, because it shows she still harbours feelings towards you and isn’t sure how to process them. If she was indifferent and didn’t care, she’d have no problems being your friend.

She won’t just forget about you. She’s not over you yet. You could tell her you want to give her some of her things back, see how she responds and if she’ll see you face-to-face. Maybe seeing you will bring some of the old feelings and memories back.

Please try to focus on yourself and do what’s best for you. You’ve got to look out for yourself and yourself only, and heal the wounds from the old relationship. If you are ever to start a relationship with her again in the future, you must be in the right place mentally too! You sound sweet and caring, it’s her loss! It’s like you always told me, you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.

So, last night he said he wanted to take me on a drive. We were kissing passionately and he pulled me onto his lap. He also experiences the urge to do sexual things to me, but won’t let me do them to him. I also told him a few days ago that I don’t want to have sex yet, I want to wait. He said he is indecisive about whether he wants to or whether to wait, but we both agreed to wait.

Anyway, last night I said ‘I love you’. He said ‘I can’t say it back’ (which is strange because he said it a week ago). I told him that was ok, and that I wasn’t pressurising him into saying it. He seemed a bit sad.

He said ‘see you soon’ at the end of the meet up. I told him communication was very important in our case, and he said ‘yes it is’. He told me to message him whenever. I told him I only had eyes for him and that he means a hell of a lot to me. He just smiled and kissed me.

We aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, he said he didn’t want to commit yet. What are his reasons for not being able to say it?

Hello, I haven’t posted on here for a while.

I’m a bit confused.

Backstory: At the end of December after a coffee meet-up, my ex led me on and was overly flirtatious and affectionate, but then the next day said he didn’t want to get back together. I met him in person to return some of his stuff and he said he was going to think about things, then 4 days later said he had decided he still didn’t want to get back together but had been reflecting on it. An hour after sending that text he showed up at my house (after 2 pints of beer) and wanted to talk. My ex said he wanted to start seeing me again and take things slow. He said he didn’t want to commit yet. We were taking things slow for about 3 weeks, then we had 3 weeks apart because I had exams at university in a different city. During these 3 weeks apart, we spoke twice and Skyped 3 times. He said he wanted to pick me up and drive me back to uni at the end of the week off.

I came back home for a week and saw him on the day I got back. He became weirdly a lot more affectionate upon my return. He said ‘now I’ve got you for a whole week’ (in an affectionate, not controlling way) and we had sex for the first time in 3 months. After the sex he said ‘so much for taking it slow’ but I reassured him that we still could take it slow. I saw him 4 times over that week when I was back at home (he lives 5 mins away by foot). On the Tuesday of that week I asked him if I meant anything to him or if I was just replaceable. He said ‘if you were replaceable I wouldn’t be here’ and ‘there aren’t many girls like you’ and started telling me I was unique, original, ambitious and driven etc. I told him ‘that’s nice to hear but it doesn’t mean anything when I know you don’t have eyes for only me’. After this conversation he changed his plans and said he had to study on Thursday (when he originally agreed to see me on that Thursday), so he saw me on Friday instead. He drove me back on Friday and stayed the weekend as he ‘wanted to spend time together’. I told him my Dad could take me instead if that was easier and he got very angered by this and said ‘but I’m taking you back’.

We had a good weekend and somehow got onto the topic of weddings, during the conversation he referred to it as ‘we’ and ‘us’, ‘we can have this at our wedding’ etc. At one point over the weekend I asked him if I was his and if he was mine, he replied ‘yes’ to both of these questions. He hasn’t told me he loves me yet since we’ve been seeing each other again. I have made sure not to say ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’ to him yet. At the end of the weekend he said he was sad because we wouldn’t be seeing each other for 2 weeks. That was on Sunday and I haven’t heard from him since. Our lack of communication concerns me; I told him I wanted more communication when we first started seeing each other again. When we are apart in different cities it tends to be one or two texts a week. I want to prove that I won’t tolerate being treated like this, where nothing is said for a whole week, then he messages me and we carry on like nothing ever happened.

I also feel as though he has assumed we are back together without actually asking me to be his girlfriend, which offends me that he assumes he can have me that easily. I am still continuing to date other people. I suppose I want to feel appreciated, respected and chased again. I get compliments from other guys and other guys texting me wanting to be my boyfriend, so it hurts when the one guy I want to text me never does. I feel very underappreciated by my guy. At the moment it feels like he doesn’t care and isn’t aware that he’ll lose me if he doesn’t step up. How come he doesn’t contact me often? How do I go about regaining some power over this situation?

Thanks for reading and for any insights!