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It’s just really frustrating. It’s like I want to be with her, but she keeps changing her tune. She says she doesn’t want to be with anyone right now. But it still feels like we’re semi-together at the same time. I think I’m just going to back off like you said, but I’m just going to let her contact me from now on and I’ll keep it brief until she figures out what the fuck she wants. In the meantime, I might just try that app and see how it goes.
Kevin actually addresses this “hot and cold” issue in his emails. I’ve been asking her logical questions to no success. I’ve been going about it the wrong way and asking her questions because she doesn’t tell me anything. I’ve lost the mindset I’ve had in the beginning and I need to regain it. I need to get my “cool” back so to speak and stop letting her have all the power.
Sorry for the late response. Yah like she doesn’t want to look stupid accepting you soon after it was her choice to break up? I have a feeling something or someone is telling her not to accept you or a feeling she has. I would just ask her what is holding her back from having you again.
I was even about to say just make her a little jealous by saying you went on a date or something to give her a boost but it’s up to you it’s a tough situation.
Shes really tough. If you still want her, I would just back off and think about doing no contact for 2-3 weeks. She needs to get her mind set. You going to her all the time is just confusing her more. And don’t be close to her and give in until she makes up her mind.
My opinion, she’s not someone safe to date. Talking to you, you seem too good for her and you could do better. She’s going to keep messing with your mind. And I don’t think she will change. You want someone that knows they want you and give you that smooth relationship without these problems. This girl will get with dudes and break up with them and give them the same problems. No matter what you do, don’t allow her to string you on. There are many girls out there that are serious and mature and will love you more than anything and stick with you through thick and thin.
If you still want this to work out with her, just do no contact I think that’s the best thing! Keep me posted!Welp, I think it’s fair to say I’ve had the worst week in my entire life. I was kicked out of the house while I was at work and have been staying 3 hours away from where I live for about a week. I’ve been talking to her on and off, but once I raised the question where we stand she got all pissy and I really don’t need that kind of uncertainty and negativity in my life right now. I asked her if she’s been playing me and she said not this time, but the time before yeah. And she started getting bitchy so I told her you can’t just fuck someone and not expect them to have questions. She says she doesn’t want to be with anyone right now and has been hanging out with other people, but it’s nothing “serious.” I’m finished playing games with her so I’m doing no contact for a 2-4 weeks or forever, I haven’t decided yet. She also said she doesn’t like herself enough to cater to someone else’s emotions and she has more serious problems to worry about. So I hung up her and don’t have any plans of talking to her anytime soon.
I’m sorry for what happened to you :/ I hope everything gets resolved and you get to go back home.
You know in all reality she’s not making you happy. Even if you both got back together she would still mess with your emotions. She’s very defensive because she knows she’s messing up. You can do way better trust me. She might not ever change there has to be more to her not wanting a relationship right now. You don’t deserve these games. I know it’s hard to hear these things and to move on. How do you feel about moving on now?
If she knew you started dating someone else she would regret everything and feel worse about not making up her mind. I think she’s just not telling you something, her giving that “I’m not wanting a relationship now” excuse sounds like she’s talking to other ppl. I’m not saying she is but her excuse doesn’t sound right. If you move on she shouldn’t be mad bc it’s her fault she couldn’t make up her mind. Don’t ever feel bad to find another girl.In all honesty,(shamefully at that) it just hurts more than anything. I love her, but I can’t wait forever for her to make up her mind. It’s difficult completely removing someone out of my life that I was once so close and intimate with. But, she just keeps hurting me. I don’t know if it’s my fault for letting it to continue to happen, but I just can’t take the pain and uncertainty anymore. I would almost take death over heartbreak. I’m just young and naive probably and that’s why it’s hitting me so hard, but I don’t want to let her go even though if I don’t I’m only going to keep feeling this way.
I just hope one day she’ll realize she just lost someone that would have one day given her the world…
well, here’s what I would say to her.
“There’s an easy way, and then there’s a hard way. The easy way is the safest route to be happy, meanwhile the hard way is being true to yourself.
The easy way is to be with your new boyfriend. I will be happy for you, I will stay out of your way, but we can’t be friends anymore. That being said, if you chose him, then we can’t talk anymore, it would be unfair for him and me.
The hard way is to leave him, we both work on ourselves and our problems, become positive and active being single people first, deal with our own problems, then consider getting back together. I don’t just want to be with you, I want to be with you for a long time. So unless we fix our own problems, we cannot be happy individuals. If we are not happy as individuals, then we cannot be happy and healthy as a couple.
I would choose the latter, but the choice is yours. I am busy making me a better person, with or without you. But bare in mind. I cannot talk to you while you are with your new boyfriend. I love you and I always will.”
I might actually say something to what you recommended. My only problem is I’m not sure if she’s seeing other people at this point. She said she’s been hanging around other people, but it’s nothing serious. But in also not going to feed into it and play the guessing game. This morning she messages me asking if I was okay and also she’s glad I found someone else. But I haven’t answered. Should I keep it that way? And why would she even care in the first place if I did find someone else. I haven’t, best maybe it’s best to let her ponder on it like she’s done to me.
I think she thinks there’s someone else because there was a girl giving me serious compliments on my profile picture, but it’s just a friend on Facebook plus she already has a boyfriend. I really care about my ex but maybe a test of her own medicine will open her eyes.
Wait so you told her you are seeing someone else? Why did she say she’s glad you found someone? Is she saying that bc she’s assuming?
Yes it seems she’s confused between you and someone else. That’s the closest assumption I can come up with. And if she’s not serious and playing games, it’s really not her business to see if you are with someone else and assume. If I were you, don’t answer. She needs to wake up and realize you are gone and you are strong without her.
It will only make her want you more and make her guess what you are up to.
Trust me, I know it’s tough and I understand you love her a lot and you can’t picture anyone but her. I know it’s hard to forget everything you went through and the love you have for her. But think about this, she got another boyfriend and didn’t care about your feelings about that. That’s hurtful and disgusting. Yet she’s still wanting to see if you are dating other people and maybe holding you and someone else until she makes a decision.
If she cares none of this would happen and you don’t deserve this at all.
Just don’t answer her, and see how much she starts to message you. But don’t give in at all. Yet I’m afraid she reels you in again, she might keep hurting you. I know it’s hard but it’s healthy to stay away and breathe.
You might choose to not have her back, or you will decide you want her.
Just relax and give it time. Remember don’t give in to her and no contact. And don’t answer her about her “being glad you found someone else”. Just play it off and make her wonder don’t say you haven’t met anyone. You want her to think you weren’t going to waste your time and maybe she will regret it.
She might type more smart comments trying to make you feel bad and make you feel guilty, keep ignoring. I know it’s hard but hang on. Everything will only get better in time whether you find someone else better in the future or stay with her.It just seems like everything in my life is falling apart. I have so much things running through my head at one time. Last night I slept in my car and probably will have to for awhile. I’m just trying to put her on the back burner so I can gather myself. But, she’s still on my mind quite a bit even though all she has done recently is cause me the worse pain I’ve ever felt. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to forget her and just move on. I just don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve all this. All this pressure is getting hard to bare. I’ll see how she reacts to me giving her the cold shoulder but at this point it just feels like I’m running in circles.
I know how you feel :/ your in that moment where you need support or someone there and you think of her first. That’s why it’s hard and I know it’s hard.
Just give her some space and be strong not to give in or she will not value the relationship when it’s easy to have you back.
She’s done enough to you not to even deserve you back. If she can easily hurt you like that then you can easily ignore her for now. Just keep going with your NC for 30 days and if she starts contacting you nonstop just start answering but with distance.
If she asks if you been dating then don’t give her an answer just make her wonder bc she will be pushed more to make a decision when she realizes you are not going to waste your time as well as noticing you backing off.
I know how you feel bc I was still in love with a guy that mentally abused me and accused me so much of cheating when I haven’t bc of his insecurity. Yet I loved him and stayed on and off for 4 years til he dated someone else during our break and still tried to have me on the side without losing me or the other girl. I said enough is enough and parted my way til I found someone way better. So I know the feeling trust me.
I hope everything goes smooth and you go back homeWell, things have gotten drastically worse everyday. I was staying at my bestfriend’s for about two weeks. And then I drove back 3 hours to go to work for the weekend, and had to spend a night in my car. The next morning after sleeping in my car I asked my ex’s mom if she needed yard work done because any cash is a necessity right now and plus it got me out of the car. She ended up letting me stay and has been for the past week. The first day I spent there my ex walked into the guest room where I’ve been sleeping and got in bed with me. (This is after the time I’d finally decided I was going to cut her off completely after the last incident and decided to go on no contact but I was desperate and needed somewhere to stay.) Ever since then she has been sweet to me and affectionate just like she used to. Until tonight. I’m still kind of a new driver so I’m used to having a GPS. I went to my friend’s house who is also my plug. I got lost on the way back from his house and it took me no lie six hours to find my way backand she was upset that I was there to buy weed which doesn’t make sense to me because she sent me to get some for her just a couple days ago. While I was lost, I stopped at McDonald’s to use the wifi to look at my GPS and called her and told her I went to my dude’s house and told me I guess she sees my priorities and that I should be giving her mom money but her mom never asked me for any. But I’ve been so stressed its been keeping me sane. I told her I’m tired of her stressing me the fuck out and criticizing me all the time when does the same thing. She said its not the same thing because she works a full time job and I’m basically homeless. And that instead of being nice and grateful, that I’m fucking miserable. So to that I said whatever and then she said whatever called me an immature ass, told me bye, and then blocked me. I sent her more messages after that but I didn’t notice she blocked me until I got back to her house because I don’t have data. And then also when I got back to her house her mom told me she needs me out by Sunday. Everything is fucking falling apart. I don’t know what to even do anymore. I know this is a website about getting exes back but I feel so alone and like I have no one to talk to anymore. Also, while I’ve been here she got drunk and told me she loved me and I touched her. I’m so confused about everything. Fuck.
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