Long Distance Relationship – She needs space – 2+ years

Hey all,

I’m new to this board. I am currently struggling the symptoms of a breakup. Here’s a little background.

She is 21 and I am 25.

My (now ex) girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for over two years. She goes to college in Florida, while I work and live in Massachusetts. We are both originally from Massachusetts, and this is where we met. We were friends before anything, so this really she was a little different for me. Our friendship was short but it was good and romantic feelings developed later on. At the time, the relationship seemed to be working out. She would come back from Florida on winter and summer breaks. And I would fly down to Florida in between those times to see her. Like any other relationship we struggled with communication and trust. However, I felt that we were doing just fine with it.

I have been toying with the idea of what may lie ahead and both of our futures. She is due to graduate College in December 2015. I quickly became obsessed with the question of what will happen after she graduates. We discussed both possibilities: me moving to Florida, and her moving back to Boston. However, her mind seem to be set on staying in Florida. I did not agree with this, because I feel like I’d be sacrificing more than she would be if I moved. I would be leaving my family, friends, job, and environment to be with the person that I love. However, I don’t not feel that she would extend me the same sacrifice.

Fast forward to a week ago. She put on the table the idea of going on a break. At first, I did not agree with this. I do not believe in breaks. But then a day a day went by, and I realize that this may work. Without setting any rules, we were on break (mistake #1). And awkward week past. Without much communication between her night. It was a horrible week. However emotionally, I felt fine. I guess the security of knowing that I had the option of calling the break off was enough for me (mistake #2). When it finally hit me, a week later, that maybe we should establish some rules, my ex felt like I was pressuring her. She felt like I was giving her anxiety and stressing her out. She stated that she wanted peace and tranquility. (This was all via text messaging). I simply replied “I hope you find that.”

We did not speak all day Friday. Today (Saturday), I contacted her via text. I wanted to make sure she was fine. She was. Then she asked me if I was fine. And I said yes. However. It wasn’t until later in that conversation that I realized that her understanding of me saying “I hope you find that” meant that we were breaking up.

Apparently she called her mom crying and told her that I was putting her under immense pressure to make decisions she wasn’t ready to make. And that the insecurity of not knowing if this would be the last time I walk away from her “pushed her over the edge.” She said every time we argued, I would be ready to leave (she’s right), and that she couldn’t handle that anymore.

After reflecting on everything she said, she’s completely right. She has a right to feel this way. However, what do I do now? How do I handle the pain of this? I love her family. I am a part of her family. They love me like a family member. She was a part of my life like brushing my teeth is. I feel all alone and lost. I begged her to stay, but she said she couldn’t. I’m crying while writing this. I’ve been through breakups before, but this has to be the worst. It hasn’t even been a day and I’m all messed up. Could someone please give me good advice on how to handle my emotions. I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t stop thinking back about all the good memories. Feels like someone died. I don’t want to lose her, but I feel like giving her space is the best thing to do. I still have a little faith, but I don’t know if it’s wise to hold onto that hope. Please share your advice. Thanks.

If you need clarification on something, please ask. Thanks for reading this!