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So I have been posting in the comments section, hopefully I’ll hear from a variety of people this way. Quick catch up. My ex and I dated for over 4 years. He broke up with me, says he’s no longer happy or feels in love. I already went thru the 30 day NC and worked on myself. Reconnected and we’ve been hanging out. We made the mistake of sleeping together after NC but that has since stopped.
My problems are the following. My ex has been seeing someone and has yet to even mention her to me. Just saw him today and still nothing about her. Don’t understand why. Second problem, he states every now and then that he’s happy and today in conversation he said he made the right decision in breaking up. We get along very well and decided to stay friends. Of course I’m only in “false friendship” I love him and want him back. It’s been about a month of us hanging out. I need advise, should I move on or is there still a chance? Should I continue to fight?Hello everyone I know my post came in late last night but I would really like some advise from different points of view. I’m at a Crossroads and would like advise soon. Should I give it time and continue to fight for my ex or is it time to give up? Thanks in advanced for any help you can give me.
I believe you still have chances. My suggestion is that since he is seeing someone else, make some distance with him. Don’t be available especially for sex.
I feel that you are in a tough situation because he has friend-zoned you and talks about his new partner. That’s not a good sign. Also, if you find it really hard to follow the plan, move on. I suggest you to set a date, like 2 months from now. If you get him back, that’s fine. If not, move on!
Hi Dara,
Thanks for the reply but I think you misunderstood the part of him dating. I found out about her a few days after the breakup like I explained a while back. I freaked out when he ended things and looked at his email, he never told me himself. He has NEVER mentioned her to me. When it’s come up in conversation he has denied multiple times that he’s dating anyone. We hang out weekly and have plans to hang out this weekend. It’s my birthday. We always have a good time but I’m struggling with moving things from the “false friendship” to a romantic one since he makes statements like saying he’s happy now. Oh and by the way, we’re no longer sleeping together. It was a one time thing when we saw each other again since the physical attraction is still there for both of us. Does any of this make a difference?Well, in your case I don’t think getting physical is an issue. In fact, in some cases it rekindles good memories. If he denies seeing someone, then its a much better sign. That’s good! Keep doing what you have been doing! I believe by what you added here, you are in the right track!
Hey,
I’m almost through my 30 days of NC, I was wondering if you could share with me how you first reconnected with your ex? My ex also told me he wasn’t happy (among other things), and I could really use some insight on this issue.
You seem to be doing good though! From my experience I would say he’s testing the waters when he says things like that, some part of him still strongly cares for you or he wouldn’t be making an effort to have you in his life at all. Anytime I have ever broken up with an ex (I am a girl, so I dont know if it makes a difference cuz hes a guy) I never made the slightest effort to see them if I didn’t care about them anymore, sure I would answer texts every now and then and apologize for hurting them but I certainly wouldn’t meet up with them and I wouldn’t talk about how happy I am. Maybe part of him just wants you to think he is happy even if he’s not. Guys aren’t as good at showing emotion in my personal history.Hi Ashley,
Sorry about your breakup! My ex and I didn’t end on bad terms so after my 30 days NC I called him up and asked if we could meet up for coffee and catch up. I knew he wouldn’t have a problem with it. A few days after that we went to an amusement park and we’ve been hanging out weekly since then. It’s mostly me(about 85% of the time) at this stage starting communication so I don’t know if that makes a difference. He is still dating someone but has never mentioned her to me. I have no idea why. Even though we’re hanging out, since he’s been saying he’s happy and made the right decision, I’m having trouble trying to figure out how to move things towards a romantic relationship. Was your breakup amicable? Do you think he won’t respond to your request to reconnect?If he is hanging out with you weekly then I definitely think there is a connection. Even if small, there is something he is not willing to let go of yet. I don’t really know how to move the relationship to a romantic one because I am still trying to figure that out myself, I do hope he comes to you though! And I wouldn’t say it was amicable but it definitely wasn’t the worst break up.. I feel he may answer me but getting him to physically meet up with might be hard.
Your ex may be just talking himself up.. Lots of people like to do that when they are trying to impress someone or are unsure themselves.. He may be trying to convince himself he made the right choice. Im sure if you showed any interest in anyone else he would show signs of jealousy (not that im saying to do that), but too me there is obvious interest.Ashley,
I hope things work out for you as well! The best advise I can give you right now since you are still within your 30 days is to really really work on yourself. I did everything as Kevin recommended. Focused in school, Bought new clothes, tanned. Got a haircut and even lost 8 lbs. by eating healthier. I Was very confident but the minute I saw him I melted! All those feelings came back and this is why I find myself a bit confused now as to how to proceed. Especially since he is seeing someone and won’t even mention her to me. Maybe I should back off for a bit now that we’ve reconnected and maybe see if he contacts me this time. Not sure. So, what I’m trying to say is maybe text/call him first and establish contact like that for a while. Start working on your “false friendship” before you ask him to meet up with you. I think if you make him comfortable in the fact that you are ok with things ending it’ll make it easier for him to meet you. And in the meantime continue to work on yourself until you are confident and open minded about the outcome.I would like to hear Kevin’s thoughts on our situations as well. It has been a while since I heard from him.
Hello Everyone,
It’s been about a week from my last post and I would like some advice from all you guys. I met up with my ex at his place like we do weekly. It was my birthday so we were celebrating, we had drinks and ended up in bed. The thing is he is still dating this girl and hasn’t mentioned her to me at all! Do you guys think it’s ok to continue a physical relationship? Would this increase or decrease my chances of getting him back? Should I continue the false friendship without sex? I don’t want to rush things and tell him I wanna get back together too soon and push him more towards the other girl. Please help!!
Anyone please! I would appreciate the help with my questions above.I don’t want to make a mistake.
HEY,
No,you absolutely shouldn’t sleep with him anymore.sorry to say this but it may make you a casual sex partner.
Don’t say anything about that girl and don’t show obsession over anything about him.
You can’t continue the Falsefriendship like forever.there are rules about it.
and if you don’t follow it the right way,you may put yourself in friend-zone.Have you read the Relationship Rewind by Ryan Rivers?
Hey A.Z,
Thanks for the reply. Yes I have read relationship rewind, and you’re right about sleeping with him. Just a few messages before yours Dara though intimacy wouldn’t be a problem for us and it could rekindle good memories but I don’t want to become a casual thing. We have been broken up about 2 1/2 months. We reconnected after NC and have been hanging out weekly for about 1 1/2 months now. How long do you think I should continue false friendship with him? He has been seeing someone from work from the minute he ended things with me and I’m afraid of making a move at the wrong time. I appreciate your input!
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