Boards Reconciliation Is it too soon?

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  • #610
    Skylar
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2

    My ex and I had a tulmoltuos relationship of about two years. We lived together for a year because it was the cheapest option at the time. We had little fights throughout due to communication issues.
    She ended up having to move back home for financial issues, but before she left, we were getting along well. Long distance was hard, and I know I asked too much of her, but I had my reasons. She previously cheated on me, and told me early on she still had feelings for her ex, who she had regular contact with. I didn’t know it at the time, but she started dating me only a month after they had broken up. She said the feelings for that person faded, but it was still hard to trust that.
    After she Moved, I slowly started noticing her pulling away. I realized that while we were still together, she seemed interested in someone else. She broke up with me, and admitted that the reason was I was too controlling. I understood where she was coming from, and said I’d fix it, but she told me that she was done and didn’t want to do the back and forth stuff. She said I should move on. She’s now “only talking” to this person, but they started the courtship only a week after we broke up. She came to pick up some of her things last week, and she kissed me, saying it was partly real feelings, and partly habit. She admitted she still loves me, and part of her will always want to be with me. She doesn’t contact me first, but she was never big on texting and we never really had phone calls.
    She’s friendly when we do talk, but she doesn’t talk about the relationship at all. Considering it’s only been a few weeks since we broke up, I’m not sure of it’s just too soon to even consider getting back together, or she really has no interest.

    #616
    a.z
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 778

    hey,
    yes its kinda too soon,but you need to follow the plan.text her and say that you have accepted the breakup,say you are sorry if you ever acted wrong and that you need to move on,wish her the best and tell her you hope you could still be friends after some time and space. then start NC and do not break it if she contacts you.after the NC,text her with one of the text versions mentioned in the article or use the magic letter.don’t say anything about getting back together and act like friends.its actually called the falsefriendship so you can get closer to her and meet her without looking needy.then try to have a good time and create good memories.don’t say anything about negative memories or the breakup reasons.she doesn’t have to feel any pressure.don’t say anything about the guy she may be talking to.don’t stalk her and don’t show obsession over anything about her.
    i recommend you to read ryan rivers relationship rewind so you can understand about the stage you are in and what exactly you should do.

    #628
    Skylar
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2

    Thanks for the advice! I’m starting no contact again today and I’m gonna make it stick. I’ve been trying to keep busy, which helps, but having alone time makes it hard to not think about everything. I apologized for everything, and she said she accepted and appreciated it, and she was glad I was figuring things out and starting to move on. I’m hoping she isn’t already really moved on, but I have to accept I can’t control it, and start living for me again.

    #631
    a.z
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 778

    you did the right thing.its been a few weeks so its normal that you can’t get her completely off your mind.
    try not to be alone,go out with your friends,have fun,do whatever you always wanted to do.keep yourself busy.and whenever you feel depressed,tell yourself that you are doing the best thing and you need to be happy and confident again to get her back.
    i know it may sound crazy,but go on dates.don’t care if you have no feelings for anyone else but do it.that will help you gain your confidence back and stop seeing your ex on everyone’s face.
    wish you all the best

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