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What if my ex is doing the opposite of no contact??
I’ve gone no contact on my ex on Facebook and everywhere else. But since I’ve done that, I’ve noticed a few things. First that he’s posting on Facebook and Twitter in general a lot more than before, and second that pretty much everything he posts is miserable or cynical. He has always been a cynical person but I honestly thought he might start doing what Kevin said and try to look happy on social media. He also likes or comments-on or shares many of my posts, called me his girlfriend on Twitter, and has texted me a few times too. Last time I spoke to him in person (3 week’s ago) he was sure he didn’t want to get back together and that he couldn’t handle the relationship anymore, to him it didn’t feel right (I won’t lie I was suffocating him A LOT and I’m learning now how to not be that way and why). But his depression mixed with financial issues and a bad living situation I think are what really got to him and my suffocating was just the icing on the cake. We’ve had the conversation of maybe we should split about 5 times in 2 years (because I was suffocation him) but we never did because we really do make each other happy and I honestly believe he loves me, I just didn’t realize at those times what I was doing and it was too overwhelming in the end for him. I always promised I’d change but never took the time or the no contact (I apparently needed) to learn what I was doing before. He started pulling away hard from me this time so I made it official by actually moving out, and started reading this stuff and understanding my mistakes. When I moved out it was peaceful other than a small text spiff that led him to unfriend me on this game client we both use, but he readded me yesterday after 3 weeks. How should I be interpreting what he’s doing? I’m I thinking too much into it or is it a good sign he actually misses me and wants me back and that no contact is working? I find everywhere what I shouldn’t be doing on social media, but no where what I should do if anything when he blows up my social media. Or what it might mean that this isn’t the first time this has happened, does anyone think he could trust me again that I really have seen the flaws in what I was doing before when I used to tell him I could fix it and didn’t?
Please help!
Thank you,
-S
Update: he was liking and posting and sharing my things everyday until he readded me on that game client, now he’s seemed to disappear, not just from liking my stuff but from posting anything even on his page for 3-4 days now. I’ve read that maybe that means he was thinking about me too much and now he’s trying to stop?@snm31094 – Stop stalking his social media! It’s causing you confusion and now you’re try to guess what everything means. Did you ever give the keys back to him or pick up your stuff? He’s still depressed and he has NOT asked to get back together. Actually, a relationship with him will never work out as long as he’s depressed. He’s trying to handle the Crohn’s disease, moving to a more affordable place, and he doesn’t want to get help for his depression. You’re only 22 years old and I’m thinking it would be better for you to start dating other guys who don’t have so many problems. Put the focus on yourself and being happy! Maybe someday in the future your ex will get his life straightened out and there could be a chance to start up with him again, but right now the picture looks bleak. I know you’ve learned the lesson of how too much smothering can ruin a relationship, but sounds like that wasn’t even the main problem with your ex.. depression had a lot to do with it. The situation as it is now, is not good or healthy for you. Stay no contact, stop agonizing, and get on with your life. I know it’s heartbreaking since you two lived together for 2 years, but what’s the alternative? To chase him and continue this misery? It doesn’t matter what his friends say. It matters what’s best for YOU.
I’m not stalking him, he’s the one who is liking sharing and commenting on MY posts. I do tend to keep a closer eye on his stuff now but Kevin’s emails said that would be normal and that he is probably doing the same. He is depressed and you are right, that is something he needs to take under control himself so that he can be happy. But even though he was depressed we still managed to be happy for a long time. The longest running stretch being while I was working at Target and was coming home much later than him, I wasn’t waiting at the door like a needy puppy every day and we were happy for a long time. I was focusing my effort elsewhere, I wasn’t smothering him during that time and we were good, him depressed or not. I also lost a bit of empathy for his disease and his depression and I can’t (in retrospect) believe some of the things I told him. But no matter what through it all, he still showed me he cared. A whole year went by and it wasn’t till near the end he pulled away. But even with him making an active effort to do so HE STILL CARED. He would still hold me when I was sad and kiss my forehead and we never stopped connecting on an emotional level. But our physical and mental levels went a bit crazy. Me suffering from the fact that by suffocating him I was making myself miserable (but didn’t realize it) and him obviously from all the added life stress that we didn’t need and his internal introverted want to be left alone and never getting it set him over the edge. He never actually broke us up or said I had to leave, I made the move because I knew staying there wasn’t helping anymore and we needed space.
@snm31094 – Okay, I guess you’ll keep doing the social media and trying to interpret the things you see. Hopefully at the end of no contact, you two will get in touch with each other and live happily ever after.. Sounds like you had a connection even though it was difficult at times. Maybe you two can work through your issues and be happy again. Are you living with parents or friends? Do you have a full time steady job? What about the keys and the things you left behind?
I am living with my grandparents and have a full time bank job. I was living here when I pushed myself to move in with him because I wasn’t happy here and he knew it. I still have the keys and since I’m not desperate for anything I left there I figured it just as well wait till the end of no contact. He keeps saying he wants to move house but I don’t think he wants to do it on his own so he’s procrastinating. I’m pretty sure he has no idea what he wants as his mind is always in battle against his heart. He probably thought that if I moved out and we weren’t together anymore somehow that was going to fix the fact that we were broke, he needs a new job, and he needs a new place to live. He thought that if he finally had peace those things would come together and they aren’t and he’s probably starting to appreciate what I did for him a little more but doesn’t want to say anything like Kevin had mentioned that’d make him look crazy. (Or at least if hope)
@snm31094 – Why weren’t (arn’t) you happy living with your grandparents? You can’t fix his depression and you should NOT try to help him get his life on track. He will think of it as smothering and trying to act like his mother. Besides, these are things a man wants and needs to do for himself, however long it takes.
My grandparents suffocate me and I really honest to god never realized I was doing the same thing to him that I hated them doing to me. I suppose it was all I had to reference at the time for relationships… suffocation.
What are your grandparents doing that makes you think they’re suffocating you? If it’s just wanting to know where you’re going and when you’ll be back, that’s normal. Most everything grandparents say or do is because of love and concern. They worry about your safety if you’re late. They give advice, sometimes unwarranted, because they want the best for you.
How long has it been since you’ve seen or contacted your ex? Has he contacted you directly in that time?
It’s more than just wanting to know where I am it’s being up my ass about everything all the time. Smothering me in kisses and hugs when I don’t want them and making things that don’t need to be a big deal into big deals.
The last time I saw him was Dec 13th. The last time I contacted him was to say Happy New year so I’m gonna wait till the end of January to talk to him again. I keep hoping I’ll look at my phone and I’ll see an “I miss you” text.
Someone made a good point to me yesterday. He’s not only grieving for our relationship right now but also mourning his roommate who for all intensive purposes abandoned him. This is the first time in his entire life he’s actually been alone. And as much as he liked to say it’s what he wanted I think that was just his way of vocalizing that he needed me to stop smothering him. But like I said before, he’s not sleeping or eating right and is still saying he’s sick all the time. He’s obviously lonely or else he wouldn’t be posting so much. And he knows that would previously have been enough to take me running back to him too.@snm31094 – Sounds like he has adapt and accept the changes. I hope he contacts you first, but if not, good luck with your contact at the end of January..
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