I feel I pushed him to break up with me.

My boyfriend and I recently broke up (7 days ago). He kissed his girl best friend and when I found out I decided to forgive him, and I thought we were moving forward with things. He had never made me feel like I was no.2, he always did little thoughtful things, in essence he treated me well. But, days later he decided he no longer wanted to be with me despite telling me he had loved me just 2 days before because he felt like he had been lying to himself for a while about how he felt being with me.

Before the cheating was discovered (3 days before), I had suggested going on a break because I had a lot of things going on in my life that meant I wasn’t able to be the best version of myself for him. He refused straight away saying he didn’t want a break and that he’s willing to fight through with me. Which is why I was so confused when he said he no longer wanted to be with me. I even gave him a way out after giving him a second chance, I told him that if he felt like he no longer wanted to be with me then he has to tell me now.

The reason I feel like I pushed him away was because I knew I wasn’t being a good girlfriend. I constantly had mood swings, I knew that when I stayed quiet he hated it and yet I still did it anyways. In my head, the problem was me and not him. I know that once I learn to fully know myself and be more content with myself, I am better able to be in a relationship with him because he really tried and I guess I didn’t.

After the break up (which happened over the phone), I was initially angry and I did say some things that I regretted saying, but we both sent each other texts where we left the breakup with no bitterness and anger. I admitted to him, and to myself, that I knew I was difficult to be with and that I wasn’t being the best version of myself for someone. I told him that I had no regrets being with him and giving him a second chance and that I will always care for him. I told him that I will always remember our little adventures. And, by no means, am I blaming myself for him cheating but I do feel like I didn’t give my all to him like I should have. I am just confused how his love for me dissipated so easily. His response to me was that I deserved to be with someone who can truly make me happy and that he is sorry he can’t be that person. He told me that I am a truly amazing person and that he will forever remember the hurt he inflicted on me. He also wished my future to be a bright and great one.

Admittedly straight after the breakup, I went on dating apps and I came across his profile too. I was initially hurt, but then realised I was doing the same. Since then, I have not contacted him and I am starting the period of no contact. Has anyone ever been in this kind of situation? Does anyone have any advice for me? I feel like even when I talk to my friends it isn’t satisfying, because they have such an objective eye that it’s almost annoying haha. He is also my first ever relationship (I am 22 and so is he).