Hot and Cold

She broke up with me last April. I did no contact until December when the opportunity arose and I felt comfortable—-she got out of a rebound relationship in November and matched with me on tinder.

I texted casually with her for a couple weeks, on and off. Sometimes she would talk and talk and other times she’d be short and not reciprocate conversation so I texted pretty infrequently and she would start up the conversations some days.

On Christmas Eve I asked her if she wanted to go for a drive and catch up and she agreed. I intended to do nothing more but chat but things just kept progressing further and further. We sat parked outside her place for hours but she didn’t seem to want to leave. She was giving me hints so I kissed her and it progressed to her sleeping over at my house.

She was all over me before New Years. I never tried to push ideas on her or rush things, I was just matching the energy she was giving me. She told me things that seemed way too intimate for a hookup (like how she just kind of accepted that the best sex of her life was with me and that I just understand her, she said we would make cute kids, etc.)

After New Years she started to pull back a bit. We weren’t really talking every day again and were seeing eachother maybe once or twice a week. We were still having sex occasionally but she wasn’t as interested in it as she was before. It was around this time that I asked for clarification on what she wanted from me (I figured it was fair to ask since there seemed like something more emotional and less sexual to our friends with benefits arrangement). She told me that she was wanting to stay single for a while and that she thought that if we got back together that we’d start fighting again. I didn’t try to convince her otherwise, I was comfortable with how things were already and just kind of accepted what she said—-We still haven’t fought once since we started talking again so I figured I can just prove her otherwise over time. I kept a hold over my emotions and backed off for the weekend and then we were back to the same routine, once or twice a week.

The last time I saw her I was on my A-game and it she seemed like she was beginning to warm up to me again and trust me like before. The next week she started working full time hours and seemed to talk to me less. When she would text me she wouldn’t really reciprocate conversation much. When I asked her to hang out again on the next weekend she told me she wanted to have a day to relax by herself and she had plans with her friends and told me “maybe next week”. I mentioned how it was Valentine’s Day that weekend and she told me that she already decided she was gonna have a stay at home day to herself for that as well.

I just figured “oh well, she’s tired from work and wants to take care of herself, nothing wrong with waiting.” Anyways, I’ve just sorta been waiting the last two weeks for her to try and make plans with me but she hasn’t, and I don’t know if it’s because she genuinely doesn’t want to see me or if she just doesn’t bother to initiate plans with anybody, because with how big her social circle is I would kind of believe that it’s her friends that are dragging her out of the house all the time.

Things have now gotten to the point where she barely talks to me even on her days off, while there is no change in her demeanor at all.

She’s probably talking to other guys on the backburner but I’m not really worried about that because I’m confident in myself now—-if we were ever meant to be again she wouldn’t pick someone else over my current self. What I’m unsure of now is where to go from here. Should I give her the benefit of the doubt and try to make plans with her again or keep waiting to see if she tries to make plans with me? The part of me that sometimes feels a genuinely deep connection with her wants me to not give up, but does it seem worth it from an outsiders perspective?

Sometimes it almost feels like she’s withdrawing to test me and see if I’ll start acting needy or desperate like I did last year during the break up. That shouldn’t really affect how I react if I stay confident and collected like I am now, but does that sound like a plausible explanation too?