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She also called him crawling back to me which he has now done twice but I need to get out of the cycle. So tempted to email but I just need space from everything right now
He does not seem to be actively pursuing conversation with you, so if you need space, why not just take your space? Why do you need to email him about it?
Brokenhearted-don’t take everything he tells you as the truth. Look at his actions. That’s where you get the insights that you need. That’s when you get the actual truth. He’s not the same person that you dealt with in the past-I want you to keep telling yourself that. Finntoga and I both told you this. You should look at it as if he’s a new guy in your life. Don’t look to the past to tell you what he’s really like. Look at the type of guy he is now. Would you want your best friend with a guy that treated her like this? Honestly take time to think about that question and then answer that.
I’m not gonna anymore no worries I know we are both pissed at this point and due to his anger issues and my anxiety issues I know the best thing I can do is nothing and pick up the pieces and show I am fine without him which I have been its just the not knowing his intentions that triggered so much insecurity Bc of him being Hot and cold. I know it’s probably his heart saying one thing and brain anothe tho. Like he added me yesterday immediately and he knew I want to work on us and start fresh. It’s just hard breaking this cycle. Trying to take deep breaths and trust my instincts that he will come back yet again and if he does I need to control myself better and respect myself so he respects me again
@Dragongirl it is obvious whatever we say right now she is not willing nor able to face the reality of his behavior. She needs to crash and burn this thing again on her own and then face it. Sometimes that is the only way people learn. We tried to help her and there comes a moment when to say let her do it her way and let her do her own mistakes. We can see she deserves better and can do better than this guy but she is too stuck in the fantasy of wanting something back. What is hard sometimes for people to separate is that do they really want the ex back or is it just the feeling they had of being loved and cared for when they were with that ex. That is what she needs to separate and the way she chooses is going to hurt her down the road and it is a shame because I wish had had columns like this to advice me when I was younger but you live and learn that is just the way it goes and she just needs to learn her lesson her way.@dragongirl
Okay I will. I still think I do affect him so much based on his behaviors this past week too and his jealousy and stuff he expressed and how I so easily influence his mood but right now he is still behaving immature and out of anger and I need to back off you’re right. I believe we can get back to where we were but now see it will take much longer. Yesterday he got upset when I asked again why two accounts and he wasn’t hiding it from me or anything so I bet he is upset again about me not trusting him which is something he mentioned recently as well. I know it hurts him. However he needs to realize he is hurting me and if he doesn’t I am going to remain nc Bc he needs to be the one to reach out. Same as a week ago w his immature behavior and couple days later he was back but I am going to give me space for meI can see how frustrated and unsure you must feel but it’s the best thing for now. Tell yourself that you are going to be okay whether he comes back or not. You are still going to be the totally awesome girl with the big heart that has a lot of great qualities to offer any guy.
Sure life is a mess right now but it won’t always be like that. It will get better. Just hang in there. If it’s meant to be, this mess will unravel into a love story again. And if it wasn’t, you will move on to a much better guy. Either way, I still believe you will find your way.
@Finntoga-those were my thoughts exactly. I also wish I had a place like this after losing a long-term relationship!! It would have made life so much easier and I would’ve skipped so many mistakes.
thanks for that. It’s just his hot and cold stuff really confused me and then I felt I needed to take control and of course that back fired… Also his friends until further notice from last week I know he wants to be with me but I need to wait and respect myself and make him work for it which I did at the beginning of last week when he was the one always initiating and then by me “takin over” it restarted this mess.
And I know he is expecting me to contact him again and I already made mistake of adding him back so idk if he will accept me but I took snqpchat off my phone for now. I know he wants us and he wants me. He made that clear last week. And then I bombarded him. Wo it’s time I fully pull away not just halfway. I will not initiate and if he contacts me and I think he will (even tho insecurity says otherwise) then I will wait and respond not right away and then I will wait for him to initiate like he had been. Also upsets me bc when he re initiated contact he treated us like we were still together talking about how it’s been a while since we’ve been together. And so he needs to realize what when he says stuff about break ups what that really means too… That was another issue him saying that stuff when his heart wasn’t in breaking up. Now I’m just going to try to relax :/It wAs a mistake I told him I was upset in a lengthy way multiple items via text also Bc that clearly pissed him off Bc after he was much more distant Bc angry and I have since made it worse like me asking twice about why he has two snqpchat a even when he clearly isn’t hiding it and I bet he got back on the Older one just to talk to me…that’s what led to blocking Bc he was already angry and I’m sure that lack of trust frustrated him more Deep breaths
Also his comments about as long as we don’t lose each other and that stuff that he’s made before. I should just trust someone for once. I know it looks like a huge disaster right now and my insecurity is eating me up but i am going to make a bold move and say I believe he will add me and talk to me again. may take few days, may take 1-2 weeks. Even at the start of this evveryone was like he is done, there’s no way and I was like “no, he’s not” and i wrote myself a note well like to him saying how i trusted in him. So why do i trust in him at the worst times and not normally? and yeah he is acting like a jerk right now and i was starting to act irrational and needy. I dont know about him but I am not going to let those words define me. Like last week I bet he will come back but we will see. I just need to work on me bc I see where I slipped up
It seems like you are desperate for this guy to love you. And it seems like you don’t even trust your feelings-its like you were trying to convince yourself that he really loves you because deep down you arent sure. I dont think the main problem is whether he will talk to you again. Most concerning is that you dont seem to want to accept that your ex has majorly changed from the guy he used to be. I think you are in love with the fantasy of what your past relationship was like and want that back. Its very obvious that you dont like the new guy your ex is. There is a serious disconnect in the way your ex used to be and the way he is now.
Even if you get back together, this heartbreaking cycle will continue until both of you can talk like adults and not use social media to communicate.Well, I’m not trying o convince myself, I know he loves me. I just want to know what else is going through his head, that’s causing most anxiety right now… especially when he called me his last week -_-
He has been immature and so have I. Well, he has acted like this in the past as well when he is very angry/frustrated and I think he is still in there somewhere the thing is I just want us both to be like we were when we were together. Is that possible? I’m not sure bc we may be too deeply entrenched in the cycle. Last night I ended up sending an email. But anyway, I’m calm now. Also that other guy admitted to liking me well basically did…but he said he didn’t wanna overstep bc of my situation w my ex.
anyway, I know my ex wants me and loves me and still considers me as his. Which is annoying bc he should know that that’s not how it works.. anyway, I digress.
Most important right now is I’m still upset and feeling more calm. I am a bit disappointed in myself for falling back into the cycle when he was still in it. My roomie had a really good point. She said that when he reached out, he may have thought he was ready, and he was not. And he was prob still a bit angry. She said I needed to just wait longer due to the first convo we had. She was definitely right.Sorry Brokenheardted but those words of him wanting you mean nothing since he is not following them with an action of wanting to see you. He is having an online thing with you right now and unless he actually asks to meet with you his words are meaningless in that case. Lot of folks said that look at his actions but you keep dwelling on words. I really really hope you get what you want but I dont believe in chances of your relationship based on the behaviors of either of you. I think month is not enough time to fix this it needs lot more and it does not matter how much you guys love each other until both of you work on yourself you are just going to repeat this cycle over and over again and that is not something I wish for you at all because you are worth more than that. You said you will keep the nc this time and yet again you emailed albeit once but still and you keep doing that and not putting the work in to stop and yes it will be hard but if you dont do it no one can do it for you.
I’m going to come outright and say it: This relationship is doomed. For you. For him. NC is not going to fix things at this point, and you do not seem capable of NC even if it was going to help. He may have said he wants you or loves you at some point, but people lie. It doesn’t matter if you were with him for years or for two days, they can still lie, and he probably did. Or maybe he genuinely felt that way. But as of now, his actions (and quite honestly, his words too) say that he is over this and that it is not working out. And from what you tell us, I don’t know why you’d want them to. He’s been rude and cold to you, and not acting like the man you fell for. Why are you dwelling so hard on trying to get back with a guy that is no longer THE GUY YOU WANT and who has no interest in being with you? Pack it up, delete his number/email/snapchat name/facebook/WHATEVER, find a counselor, get some ice cream, watch some crappy movies, cry, and start taking care of YOU!
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