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My ex contacted me asking me if he could come to the house and get some of his stuff. I said the day after would be better. I already told him prior I would like to be there just to make sure everything is good.
I did ask he not bring his new gF. We had a little tiff about how else he would be able to get his stuff (he doesn’t have a car, and for some reason she won’t let him hers?) Out of respect for me I don’t want her up here, and to me he lost that right when I found a thong in our room which he swears he hasn’t had sex with her in our house (so of that’s true which I do believe, she came up here on her own and put it there which is childish).
I said essentially that I am just trying to feel comfortable in my own home aftEr this drama. And to shut the situation down, I asked if he will be coming up on the day I said. He said yes and to have a good night.
People I’ve spoken with said I should have a witness when he grabs his stuff, and while I think it would be easier to keep myself less emotional, I feel like he would argue then, that I am putting him in an uncomfortable position.
Ultimately, I want to be with him, but I know we need to be separated completely before he can start to miss me.. I am not going to just, bend over backwards for him to get his stuff, I am willing to work with him. I’m not going to be sad and emotional around him, I want to appear unbothered and confident which is what they say we should do. I am not thinking us back together right away more like months down the road..
So should I have a person as a witness?
I also, want to give back the thong that she left here because I obviously don’t want it and I would like him to think how childish she iS. For doing that just to hurt me. Should I? I would probably say something like I’m sure your girlfriend will want her thong back. Or do you think I shouldn’t?Tell him that there’s absolutely no reason the girlfriend has to come, and that she can lend him her car if that’s really the only option. This is your home and space, you deserve to be comfortable, and there is NO reason you should have to accommodate his stupid request for her to come. If he whines about it, remain firm. Be polite but make sure he understands you’re not budging and this isn’t something you should even have to be dealing with.
If you can handle it, stay at the apartment while he takes things. Having just personally experienced this, I wouldn’t recommend it. I’d recommend packing up all of his things, putting them in one area, and telling him just to grab them and go. If he needs to make multiple trips, so be it. At least all he has to do is grab it. If you can’t handle it, have a friend over at the same time or ask one of your friends if they’ll monitor this process so you can be out but not worrying about your stuff.
Give him the thong back, but don’t make any comments. They’re both idiots and that was wrong of her, but it’s really passive aggressive to make a comment like that. Skip it. You’re a better person, so take the high road.
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