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My Ex broke with me 3 months ago after 5 yrs of our relation. The breakup was very bad. I switched to No contact & Contacted her after 40 Days. We went into false friendship & tried to take everything slowly.. She used to make me remember the old times we spent together. She also felt sorry for leaving me & said that she’ll feel guilty lifetime for what she did with me..on a day I asked her how she spent her time without me for 40 days? she said she used to miss me a lot & she still got feelings for me but she doesn’t want any relation.
I also said her the same thing.. But today she has asked me that we can’t be friends because we have the issues of trust between us & she don’t want any relation right now.. she said she’s confused & need time to figure out whether we can have any future together..she said she’ll contact me soon with her decision & she hopes for the best.I think maybe talking too much about the past has brought on bad feelings, is important to start a “new” relationship with the person when you are doing the false friendship.
Give her the time, there is really nothing you can do right now, keep working on yourself and see what happens.but her words that she’ll come to me with a decision later are making ne confuse.. How can she finally make a decision to get back without bieng in communication.. The decision may be moving on & in that case she’ll not be contacting me at all. Should I then contact her myself?
How long I’ll keep waiting for her text or call..?
That’s so confusing..You say your break up is very bad and you mentioned some trust issues, was there cheating involved?
Sorry to tell you but when a girl says she no longer wants a relationship, it is very hard if not impossible to convince her otherwise. It also means she’s too caught up with the relationship itself and not about you as a person. Things get ugly, it takes time for her to forget them and start to consider starting over. The good thing is, she will forget those bad times, it just takes time. This is very hard, I’ve been in a similar situation. Just be patient and prepare for anything.
Stop communication, if she wants you back, she’ll contact you for sure. Goodluck!
Same situation here. She broke up 4 months ago, NC worked perfectly with me – after only 6 weeks she started texting and e-mailing me with photos and compliments and stuff, which I interpreted as an invitation for reconquering her. Bad idea! My attempt in December blew right into my face. Now she friend-zoned me and said the exact same things “needs space, confused, doesn’t want anything right now…”
If gaining confidence and making yourself attractive again doesn’t work out, I believe you shouldn’t let her downgrade you to a second-choice boy friend, that she can always go back to and try out different things in the meanwhile.
An ultimatum, however, may be the wrong thing to do, but you also have to protect yourself. You’ll go nuts otherwise. Let her know you won’t accept a friend-zone existence, as it is nothing but a waiting list. If you let her know you’ll be walking, she might crave for what she can’t get any longer – or walk away herself. But at least you have some clarity then.
What do you think of this idea? I might be doing it myself, but an still struggling too. Maybe 30 more days of NC will work again…?
I don’t know, but I can tell you that me as a girl if I start feeling receptive towards someone and start inviting them into my life, they have to walk in very very slow, otherwise it freaks me out and I run the other way.
I would not give her ultimatums, I would not do anything, keep on moving forward, don’t sit around waiting for anyone. If she decides to be with you then she will come around.
I also agree with Kellanved, that we do forget things eventually.
Maria, many thanks for your valuable insights. May I ask you as a girl, would you agree that when she starts chasing with compliments and emotional text just 6 weeks after breakup, it is because she is missing our time together as I do?
I understand confusion and insecurity about whether a new relationship would work out, and that acting too fast might have made her back off again.
Would you say that her runaway can be reversed if she sees substantial change happen with me in areas that caused the breakup?
Of course she is missing the relationship and she most likely is just making sure you are not gone for good.
And yes it can be reversed, but you have to make sure the change is permanent and that she sees it herself, in other words don’t tell her you changed, girls have a tendency to know when you are trying to “sell” us on something and we don’t like that.Hey!! Thanx for your valuable comments!!
I think my ex is a little crazy.. she asked me for a space yesterday & today she texted me again.. lol..
she saw my watsapp status & then texted me..
I didn’t ask her first why she’s texting when she needs space but after some normal conversation I asked her…
she replied that she couldn’t resist herself..
I then slowly made her clear that I’m ok with bieng friends & not looking for relationship right now..She said she assumed me wrong that I was not comfortable with the friendszone which made her confused as she was not ready too.. & then our conversation went for hours again.I can only come to a conclusion that she wants to take things slowly not in a hurry..
But on the other side,I don’t know if I’m doing it right.. I think I’ll stuck in friendszone forever.
she’s filling her missing part by remaining friends.
and if Go again for NC again.. She’ll definetly consider moving on.. There can’t be grey spots then… either there’ll be white or black.and kellanved, There was No cheating from both sides. But we used to have constant fights which ultimately led to breakup.. she says she fears if same thing can happen again & she don’t want to hurt me & herself again because she already feel guilty for what she did.
I am insecure about that part as well. In my case, I texted her for New Years that I look back with gratitude on our relationship, that it had made me grown and that it has shaped my values for future choices in life. She replied that she felt the same and that she wishes me all possible blessings in 2015, which I then replied to saying that it’s great we can be friends. She confirmed.
This seemed to put some relief to the tensed situation in the first place and I believed doing so would allow me to engage in false friendship. But after some time I started to think I may have volutarily sealed my friend zone status. At the moment there is no contact at all, which takes a big toll on me. I want her to chase after me again so I can reposition myself with confidence.
I guess in the end it goes down to what Maria said: keep moving forward, make changes for yourself, and she’ll eventually invite back into her life if she wants to. But that’s hard for me to accept.
I’m wondering if I can still turn her drifting around. What do you think?
I personally was not looking to contact my Ex after she asked me for space yesterday..Because I could feel that the history will get repeated if I contact her now..The same thing happened earlier..she asked for space but I didn’t give her the time & pushed her away.. I accept that when a girl asks for space our mind always have thoughts that we should clearly ask her what exactly she wants.. what exactly she feels toward us.
But all this is going to ruin everything.. we can’t force her to accept us.. I agree with maria.. if she feels a change she’ll eventually invite you in her life..
I can only suggest you to keep calm & keep on improving urself..Don’t contact her yourself right now she’ll definetly contact you.
Don’t forget to use social media to your advantage.. Facebook & watsapp helped me a lot to show her I’m moving on & my life is changing..
like yesterday when my ex asked for space.. after some hours I changed my Profile picture & updated a positive & subtle status.. She couldn’t resist herself & texted.
These small things really help to show her silently that you are no longer a mess.
Thanks to kevin for all these tips.You know what? I replied to her Christmas text message with a picture of me and my family that already showed significant improvement in my looks and health. She replied immediately rewarding this progress with a compliment. So many thanks for your comments… Will follow your advice. Honestly, it has worked already in the weeks after her breakup. The only difference to now is that I must have come across indifferent at the time because I was angry and detached and just wanted to be for myself.
I would be a good idea, if you both let them initiate the communication and only respond sometimes. If you want to get girls to chase you, the best way to do that is to ignore them sometimes.
But don’t just ignore them to ignore them, have a life full of things to do that sometimes you don’t have time to reply, you know what I mean?The best thing you can do is to improve yourself and get social proof of how desirable you are, your exes will start questioning themselves of their decisions. And in the end if they don’t come around than you will already be having a good life!
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