-
Posts
-
My ex and i were together for half a year, broke up then started seeing each other again. We were each others first loves. We wanted to get back together but waited to see how things went as we were both about to move out of home and big changes.
I got depression and took it out on him, unfairly. We argued every day and it got so bad that he said he no longer had feelings for me and even started liking someone else (who i like to hope is like an emotional rebound). Things got worse and we are no longer talking because he is angry and doesn’t want to talk to me right now and I need time to get better and get my life back on track. He goes from saying he wants to keep me in his life and be friends in future to saying he doesn’t know if he wants to be friends.
After everything I put him through he says he still cares about me and that I’m still important to him. He’s also said that he misses the old me as I just wasn’t myself during my depression. He doesn’t know how he feels about the old me as he hasnt seen her in so long. But he has also said that he likes everything about me the same as he always has and it’s just the arguments that have made him like me less. One of the problems is also that he’s said he thinks he just wouldnt trust me to like me again as he’d worry I’d get bad again and we’d end up fighting. He has said before that if he could have us back with the guarantee of no arguments then he would although that was a while ago now and we have argued since. I saw this as a positive but I think that worried him and one day he told me he never wants to be with me again and he just doesn’t like me anymore but I have my suspicions that he said this to force me to move on because nothing had changed between the time he said those things.
I personally feel like if he stuck with me through everything and still cares about me after how I treated him then he must have feelings for me, you don’t go through that for just a friend right? And it’s like he just doesn’t want his feelings for me anymore, it’s all very confusing!
I will be so grateful for any help I am given!!
After reading your post, it seems complicated from your point because I believe you may still be depressed and thinking too much about this relationship which is normal for anyone but it may not help things getting better. I would suggest you to take time for yourself and really be happy for yourself. You should communicate to him that you are trying to understand everything and in such process need time for yourself, and start no contact for a while until he get some sort of out of your mind, and you feel happy about yourself. There are many ways – you should read some self help books, such as ‘zen and the art of happiness’, The Secret book by Rhonda Byrnie, and also Non-Violence Communication as suggested by Ryan, it improves our thinking and we can see things clearly. Go through them deeper, and you will start feeling better about yourself. Also get yourself involved in other activities and stay in touch with friends, go out for vacations and feel good, it is not that hard. Once you don’t feel needy or stressed, initiate contact and just be happy one version of yourself. He will start chasing and everything should go well really.
Hope this could help. Your situation and chances are really well. If you can, see my story which is more complicated, lol. Yes, would love if you can share your thoughts: https://ebpforums.com/boards/topic/need-help-for-second-nc-chances-and-duration/
The reason you two broke up is because of your depression, so it’s hardly even worth talking to him while you’re still depressed, and you can’t get back together. Do the NC period, and I would suggest finding a therapist and getting some anti-depression medicines prescribed to you. I had depression my whole life, but after a couple months of therapy and medicine I felt much better, even though I still missed my ex. Doing things you think will impress him is a welcome distraction – you can work out so you look great, or join a volunteer group. Whatever suits you. Believe me, you will know when you get out of your depression, and once you feel good about who you are, you can blow him away with your newfound charm.
Thank you for taking the time to help! Yes I am currently working on myself and getting to a healthier person, the only thing that still gets to me is him. I just can’t tell whether there’s still a chance and can’t help getting upset about how far I’ve pushed him away.
Thank you again 🙂
Thank you for taking the time to reply! I am currently seeing a therapist and on antidepressants and soon mood stabilisers. I try to make things better and end up making them worse and pushing him away even more. I just can’t tell whether I’ve done too much damage or there’s still a chance anymore. I mean after everything he still cares about me, I just don’t know anymore
@frey18 You are doing good and it happens, even I tried to make better but made it little worst given I couldn’t control feelings. But for you in my opinion not that much damage has been done, and of course he cares about you as per your last post, it is just that you have to remain strong, get in complete control of yourself and keep doing better. If you need these self help e-books, I may mail you as well. 🙂 And thank you for your suggestions in my case as well, it totally makes sense for me.
@manishx Ah I hope so! It’s all just scary I guess, that he may never talk to me again and only remembers the negative things about me rather than the actual me who he still likes everything about. I’ll definitely look into the self help books, it would be amazing if you had any to send me! thank you 🙂 Glad to hear! It sounds like there’s still hope for you too 🙂
Hey sure, I am glad it could be helpful, drop your mail ID or send a mail of my gmail . com account of manish.k8. And I am way hopeful, though broke NC yesterday with minimal contact – I sent an email yesterday and followed up with small text, she replied little angrily but it sounded better, like I asked that perhaps it was small misunderstanding, she replied she is no god to understand everyone, I replied that I totally understand her situation and at least don’t wish to loose years long friendship, she read that and perhaps trying to come up, yet to respond that given she is in different timezone. And I know establishing a false friendship would be way to go ahead, so waiting and watching.
What I know that negative thoughts will vanish with time in your or mine case, we are human beings and tends to think good ahead for our betterment. There is always hope, and these efforts will be paid off in future. Wishing you best too.
@manishx Hi! Thank you, I’ll email now. Yes I hope this is just a negative phase for us both and that it’ll work out with time. I just hope when I’m back to myself he will care about me like he used to again. Good luck!!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.