Did I ruin things for good?

Hi there,

So this girl I dated for 2mths broke up with my on Xmas Eve over text, saying she didn’t want this as much as I did and was open to keeping in touch as friends.
I told her that I’m not interested in being friends as I didn’t wanna be a text buddy. Proceeded to text each other well wishes etc…

She’s older than I am in her early 30s while I’m im 27.

From week one, she mentioned she wasn’t interested in a relationship as she’s jaded, broken and confused… Literally every week she’d try to end things by saying we should stay friends etc… And I’d try to talk and understand so our dating period continued in this weird tango throughout.

Leading up before the break-in, she even told me that she kinda liked me a lot and was sorry for being confused.

Shes the first girl I’ve ever dated properly in 10 years, so I’m very inexperienced.

So after Xmas Eve, I texted her saying how important I believe she is and so we agreed to be friends.

Continued talking over text but she’d never reinitiate contact and it was always me reaching out first and she’d always end the conversation early.

This basically went on right up till this month.

To summarise everything I’ve done so far since the break up,

I made the mistake of getting emotional and sent a few chunky texts saying how I want to have a good communication with her, more with her etc… Only if she’s ready.

All of which was ignored.

Then I proceeded to tell her how I’m rooting for her and wish her success in finding herself again.

All of these happened on different occasions.

And 3 days after the last “well-wishers” chunky text two weeks ago, I caved and sent her an “I miss you but I know this is impt to you so I’m reaching out just to see what happens”

No reply.

In these 3 months, I’ve went on NC 2-3 times, all of which was 1 week (I felt like our dating period was too short for 30days),

During all of these NC, I’d always be watching her instastories though..

My latest NC was 1.5 weeks ago immediately after I sent the i miss you text. This time I stopped watching her instastories.

Then on the most recent Saturday, I watched a story of hers, and texted on Sunday saying “is it too soon to be in contact?”

This time, she didn’t even see the message. Single tick.

2 days later I reached out on instagram with a private message “insert photo* saw this and thought of you!”

Saw it but no response.

Haven’t talked since.

Personally, I did a lot of reflecting, my actions have come off as needy and desperate even. Even though I didn’t bombard with like tons of text everyday (whenever she doesn’t reply, I’ll wait a day or two) and I don’t feel like I’ve begged though maybe her perspective begs to differ…

I really want her back cos I do like her as a person, despite the flaws and radio silence but I’m truly okay if she doesnt see the same.

I don’t take things personally and can be quite positive which in this case works against me cos I’m not even offended by her silence as I see it as a natural response to her not wanting conflict, being annoyed or voicing out a rejection.

Also, I’m progressive by nature and have taken steps to improve my own life. Everyone tells me to let it go, move on etc… But I do believe that we could be great together and I hate to give up without giving it my all first.

Sorry for the ramble, I’m just writing as it comes.

To summarize what I’ve done,

– reached out non stop with different texts on this site.. even the elephant text,

– tried 2-3 NCs (max 1 week)

– tried being vulnerable and opening up my thoughts in an attempt to have a conversation,

In the span of 3 months.

So I’d honestly like to know, if I should give up for good? Did I screw things up beyond repair? And a more personal question.. am I delusional? Haha I try to keep myself realistic but I could be blind to myself…

My current action plan is to:

Go on a full 30 days NC, not watching her stories etc…

Then reach out with a friendly text,

If I don’t get a reply,

I’d like to admit the mistakes I’ve done and apologize to her for them while telling her that I still believe she’s a good person and I treasure the connection we had and that I’ll leave it to her if she wants to reconnect.

Then leave it up to fate.

If I still stand a chance, could I get advice on whether my action plan is a good one?

From the articles I’ve read, i understand that such “vulnerable/ ultimatum-like” texts are counter productive, girls don’t like it, I lose the “mystery” of whether I “like her or not”..

And these articles advise to come from the angle of friends.

I’m an honest guy (or so I’d like to believe) and I feel like I won’t be genuine if I lie and say “let’s be friends” when I really wanna get her back.

But I accept that I could just be stubborn in this regard.

Please help!

Thank you