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So i sent my ex the letter and we had a little conversation and this is how it went:
The letter can be found on my previous thread but she replied like this after:
Her: I miss you too you know
Me: look Alaya I’ve stated my situation and hope you can understand
Me: I wish you all the best with your man
Me: but whether you miss me miss us miss our memories our relationship
Me: that’s over and that’s it
Her: You’re supposed to be my friend
Her: Clearly that’s out of the window
Me: I never said that I just need time Alaya I don’t know how you’re coping after 2 years of a relationship but I need time to myself
Me: I loved you immensely and your feelings for me stopped so for you to address me as a friend is clearly easy for you currently especially since you have a boyfriend
Her: I really miss you
Me: you miss my company that’s it
Her: No
Her: I miss you and the way we were
Me: in a relationship?
Her: Yh like friends
Her: I miss calling you and skyping you
Me: I know but that came with us being in a relationship and since we aren’t together those things stopped too
Her: No
Her: That’s what friends do too
Her: I’m sorry
Me: Okay
Her: If I ever took you for granted
Her: I didn’t mean to
Her: And I know how lucky I was to have you
Me: dw not your fault you just got cared for and loved a lot
Me: it doesn’t matter anymore you’ve moved on so dw about that
Her: Have I
Her: I don’t know what I’m doing
Me: you love him so clearly its heading in the right direction
Her: I’m just being stupid and doing whatever the fuck I like
Her: How can I love him
Her: I like him
Me: you like his company and that’s made you like him as a person
Her: I lust over him but not love not yet
Me: Its heading towards that dirextion
Her: I don’t know
Me: well I wish you all the best
Her: I’m sorry
Me: just wanted to send the letter and go sleep
Me: didn’t think we would actually converse
Her: Just say you ain’t mad at me
Her: Well I’m sorry
Me: its okay dw
Me: have a lovely sleep
Her: I want a hug
Me: we will catch up when I have enough time to myself and sort all my studies and stuff out
Her: Stay
Me: I swear Sunday is your link up with your man
Me: just a little while longer and you can hug him
Me: and sorry I gotta sleep
Her: Don’t be like that
Me: sorry I gotta sleep
Her: FineI spoke to some guys and they said I’m being too nice and idk how to have the bad guy in me and find the balance and also idk what to do now so that she remembers that she doesn’t just miss our memories but me and me being her bf
What do I do 🙁
I think you leave it for now, Arjun.
You were a little bit of a dick at the end, and I wouldn’t have done that..
you could’ve left it earlier in the convo. After she said she wanted to hug you, you could’ve just said, “please respect my request for time and space. take care of yourself.”
I think you made it a lot about this new guy, and you came off as a bit jealous and what not.
Overall it’s an okay conversation. Just keep your distance and remain in NC.
Your situation is so similar to mine lol. At least the last couple of exchanges.
I agree with LAbound. It could have been handled better, as you were a bit emotional there. That may have the effect of pushing her more to other guy. But you’re done I guess? So go with NC. You stated not to be her friend, and you should stick with it. No matter what happens, no letters nothing.
@LAbound really :O you think I came off as jealous :O how so?
I am doing NC now for 30 days and implementing LoA every day and tbh I just couldn’t tolerate how much she was asking of me :/ me to stay me to make it better me to hug her me to just be there for her :/ its amazing how casually she asks her ex to make a situation better between her and her current bf :/ I just cant tolerate it and cant see how she even finds it normal for those requests to be asked.
LA do you think she will start thinking about us as the presence of me fades of away ?
@ghost :/ ‘I’m done’ :O done how :/ ? and tbh I just want her to realise that he isn’t the right guy and want her to really think about their future together and if its what she wants.If you wanted her back, you should have gone with False Friendship not the exchange you had. Of course she’s gonna run back to you whenever she has problems with her new guy. And if you stay friends with her, and meet in person she will break it off with the other eventually. You shot yourself in the foot.
Read here:
Her: If I ever took you for granted
Her: I didn’t mean to
Her: And I know how lucky I was to have you
Me: dw not your fault you just got cared for and loved a lot
Me: it doesn’t matter anymore you’ve moved on so dw about that
Her: Have I
Her: I don’t know what I’m doingThis is no ordinary exchange. So next time she reaches out to you, don’t be cold towards her. And try to be ‘friends’. Actually read Relationship Rewind. There is a whole topic for this.
Its because I want to initiate NC and right now I am in no position to take her back because I haven’t made all the changes back.
I havent read the False Friendship bit but I guess the fear of being friendzoned is really scary and I just want to be false friends in the right way
The way you have been since day 1 has been nothing but you seeming emotionally unstable/needy. If you feel prepared, go for FF.
If you want to be false friends, you still need to maintain your composure and do not reach out more than you should. Read the rest of Relationship Rewind.
You can either reach out in a few days and talk about your last conversation and try to be a false friend, or you can wait until she reaches out..and reward her with your friendship with LC at first..
Her saying “You’re supposed to be my friend.” …It’s no wonder why you’re scared to be stuck in the friend zone.
Ghost has some great feedback. If you’re prepared for it, and you can handle your emotions.. go for it.
@LAbound I don’t feel at all I am prepared so I wouldn’t feel as though I am ready for False Friendship.
Whats LC ?
Is it possible that while I am in False Friendship she friend zones me :/
But she doesnt miss me enough so should I do NC for quite a while and let her emotions run wilder because before when she ended it, she didn’t confess anything close to her missing me and now she’s saying it so often like she said it 5 times that she missed something so I might just do NC for a while longer maybe a month to let the feelings towards me and the missing get stronger. What do you think ?
False Friendship doesn’t mean constant contact. That would lead in you getting friend-zoned.
It means being amicable towards her and get her trust so that she will see that you have changed. Do not contact her now. Let some time pass. And if she doesn’t contact, engage in a conversation regarding her GSI (the movie in her head where she plays her career goals etc.)
And don’t be available to her all the time. Don’t prolong the conversation. Cut it in half even if she wants to talk more (and you too) and say you have some things to attend to (like meeting friends etc.) so that she will think you may be involved with girls. The point is being subtle and hinting that the train is running. Do NOT show off, or try to make her jealous though.
When she gets back to you, and complain about her boyfriend, ALWAYS side with the boyfriend. For example, if she is complaining about him being jealous then you should say like “Well, no wonder. You are a pretty girl and he is probably afraid of losing you and loves you a lot.” This will create an impact where she will think her bf is suffocating her with extra attention she cannot match meanwhile you are playing it cool and not chasing her which directly makes you more attractive. And if she tries to make you a friend where she can tell you everything, don’t engage in conversation and say you don’t want to be involved. You gotta find the balance there without sounding emotional.
@ghost if I side the boyfriend won’t I keep giving her the push to go back to her bf ? Essentially helping them two through their problems. I will basically be giving my ex another perspective and potentially keep saving the guys faults and problems :/
Regarding false friendship the main idea is to allow her to see the changes in me right so she realizes I’m a better person and eventually take me back right?
The subtle comments will it be me flirting or just showing I’m not jealous?
so is 30days NC good then?
No that is not what it will result in. The point is to paint the boyfriend as someone clingy and needy without actually talking about it. We are talking about hyphothetical situation here anyway. But another thing here is that do NOT, and I emphasize, DO NOT ever compete with the new guy. Whatever the topic may be. That directly makes you look like you are inferior to him.
Subtle comments, I’ll give an example.
Friday Night:
Her: xxxxx
You: xxx
Her: yyy
You: xxx
You: Oh, sorry ABC I gotta go now. My friend just called me. We can talk at a later time again! Stay well.The foxes in her head will paint thousands of scenario in which she will judge who this friend is. What you are doing on a friday night. Pay attention here now. You are not trying to make her jealous. You are just being unavailable. And she will run the scenario all by herself, and more than likely conclude that you may be involved with another girl, and you are desired. That is the power of false friendship. Communication is the key to get your girlfriend back.
@ghost so always just comment on what she’s complaining about in a way where it makes her think that this thing is a bad thing LOOL that was so confusing
basically if she reaches out to me with a problem like this one time she said she had stress about her insecurities not being known by her bf, what would a good reply be to her, because she did at one point tell me how scared she was of disclosing her insecurities to him?
I guess I already have the upper hand because she knows what its like to be in a relationship with me right ?
So by false friendship I can essentially show her how the traits that she didn’t like in me that made her feel like we should be going out anymore, are actually traits that I no longer have right?
Do I ever reach out to her during false friendship ?
If she asks you such question, don’t give answer. Say you don’t know what her boyfriend may think. But offer her some help regarding that. Before you know it, you will be a drug to her she cannot quit. You know her better, so without sounding emotional and judgemental just listen to her. This way you are putting the focus on her, not the boyfriend. It will be as if the boyfriend doesn’t exist.
It will be like a magic trick, dealing with her new relationship.
“Now you see. Now you don’t see.”
Of course you should talk to her in false friendship. But not as frequently. Let’s say you messaged her one day, and she initiated convo the next day. Wait 3-4 days before reaching out to her again. You are friends now, no need to talk every day. And putting the emphasis on her during your talk will make it look like you are valuing her. Your talks may just be her happy fun time. AND, you have to take this to next step. You need to meet her in person in some day. It’s better if it’s as soon as false friendship is establised. Be on your best, understanding behavior and look stylish. Hygiene is important. This is made just so those bliss moments are activated again. She will definitely be confused after that. In that case, just leave her alone. Never push for convo. Rinse and repeat this process.
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