Breakup Situation

In September, my girlfriend split from me. It was a total shock.

She was insecure, and told me so many times that she thought I was too good for her, as she is a Filipina nurse and I am working in the city. I tried to reassure her so many times, but nothing would ever work.

She lost her virginity to me and we had many amazing times together during the 5 months we dated. She was very jealous and controlling. She always asked about girls on my facebook, tried to stop me from going clubbing with friends, looked through the photos on my phone and would cry and get upset when she found out I had an attractive female friend. She went to the extent of creating a fake Skype account to find out where I was.

Early in September, I did something stupid. I changed my facebook profile picture to one and my friend, Susan. She text me later that night asking who the girl was, I said it was a friend. I did not even think it would be a big deal at the time. She did not text me the next day – but the following day she went mental and sent me a huge diatribe, saying how her parents back home in the Philippines saw the photo and had gone nuts over it. She could not understand why I would do it, and even ask if it is was her birthday or if she was dead. She could not understand why I would have a photo with another girl when I had a girlfriend. I explained that I didn’t even think and said sorry.

She eventually accepted the apology. However, I noticed her parents blocked me from facebook. I also felt her withdraw, she deleted me from facebook and explained it was too much trouble, but she forgave me. But she continued to withdraw and would hardly talk. Eventually she blocked me from facebook. However, she claimed she had deleted it, a lie – as a friend saw her profile from her account. I then did something really stupid, as I was so lonely – I cheated on her with a Russian girl. It was so bad.

I regretted cheating so bad, but could not work out why my gf had withdrawn so much, I even asked her the previous week, whether she wanted a trial separation, she said no and cried. Anyhow, a week later she said she wanted to split. I was devastated, we met up and she said that she wanted to move to Australia and didn’t want to become hurt, because she wasn’t sure I was 100%, I said it was silly and tried to save it – she cried and we accepted it – until finally a little truth came out. She started crying about the profile picture on facebook and claimed that this was the moment things had changed, she cried and said it had hurt her so so much. We hugged and I said sorry, we agreed we would try and save things.

The next morning at work I logged in from another account, and looked at her profile (she had blocked me) and found she had added this guy, I looked at his profile and he had changed his relationship status to with her. I was shocked and went crazy. I called her and shouted, asking who he was, she put down the phone and would not answer any of my messages, and eventually, I spoke to her parents – to find out what had happened.

I spoke to them, and they explained how they were not happy with her seeing me and had urged her to consider other people. The guy had been messaging her, and she never was interested in him – but her parents told her to see him and split from me. Her parents have total control over her. They also told me that she had only seen him once, thus I did not understand why he changed the relationship status. They wrote the following to me:

We apologize. It was at our urging that she ended things. She was crying when we berated her for choosing you. You understand young man, you will be a father one day too, you havent known each other for so long and you’ve already damaged it. We told her to find someone who would treat her with more respect. Especially when we would call her and find out that she was still not at home during the latehours. London is not a safe place for a young woman alone at night. She would say that you rarely saw each other as it is but we still were not comfortable. We asked that she reconsider her decision to see you and consider other people. We however do not condone the fact she didnt tell you the truth.

We talked two days ago she said she would end things with you and listen to our advice of choosing another. We believe that both of you will be happier with someone different. we are not finding fault. But we wanted someone with the same upbringing as she did. She has been insistent on her choice but my daughter will always heed her mother’s and my advice in the end. Has she ended things with you?

I then spoke to her and she told me that she loved me and not him and that he only changed the relationship status, because he was cocky and wanted to tease her parents. I was shocked – I think she knew this would hurt me, especially as she was so jealous herself. She was crying and said she wasn’t happy with her parents telling her what to do. I asked her if she wanted to be with me, she said she did, but not enough to go against her parents. I also told her that I had cheated on her, she started crying, I said sorry and apologised so much. She then said too much damage had been done. We ended the conversation.

The next weekend, we did not speak, but noticed she had deleted the guy and her parents from her facebook, but then had readded them. On the Monday, I called and we spoke. She told me that she had a huge argument with her parents and told them they could not make decisions for her. She also told the guy that she could not see him and explained she was trying to get over me. She broke down in tears and started hyperventilating – saying she didn’t even want to see him and her parents made her. She told me that she was angry, but understood why I would cheat, and needed space and time to see what she wanted.

I panicked. I knew that her parents and the guy would work against me and try to block me from her life. The parents have so much control over her…and I called her 2 days later to ask for a meet-up, she eventually agreed. However, a day before we were to meet up, she said she couldn’t and explained how she was trying to get over me and would lock herself in her room. I sent her flowers to work to make her feel better – she sent me a text saying thanks.

The next day I tried to speak to her on the phone again to arrange another day. She didn’t respond, and from there on became non-responsive. She would never reply to my messages. She responded to a message when I threatened to speak to her parents – saying threats were not nice. I then was very mean to her and told her that she had cheated on me by seeing someone else and that cheating on her was the best decision I had made – I also messaged her parents.

I then regretted this and messaged her on facebook, begging – this is something I regret so much. Again, she did not respond. I eventually kept messaging and told her to block me if she didn’t want me in her life. She blocked me. I accepted it was over.

However, two difficult days later – she created a fake account and messaged me saying how she found out I messaged her parents and asked what was wrong with me. She then told me not to message her or her family again and that splitting up with me was the best decision she made, judging from my behaviour. I responded by saying I was ok with the breakup and apologised – and hoped we could be friends someday.

Although she had blocked me from facebook, she kept this fake profile on facebook without deleting it – I found this strange, so a week later had it deleted from facebook. A day later – she unblocked me. I was fine by this time and had some dates arranged. However, after the first date I felt so bad, as I compared the girl to my ex. I then messaged her again, asking how she was – again no response. I tried to message her a few days later on facebook – asking why she had unblocked me if she wanted nothing to do with me. Again, no response. I then went one step further, warning I would drive her away unless she blocked me again by saying mean things to her, again no response. She had seen all the messages, but did not respond.

I eventually begged her to block me, again she did not listen – but I kept trying and eventually she did block me. I then felt even worse – as she still was not responding or even acknowledging me.

For the past 3 months, I have messaged her almost everyday – just trying to get her to respond. I even messaged her friends – asking them why she was acting this way – again no response. Sometimes I messaged her 10 times a day – so atleast she could tell me to go away. It is torture, when someone you love and who loved you will not even acknowledging you.

Can anyone please offer advice or insight into why she is doing this? I know that I have been doing all the wrong things and sound mental – and I admit, I am – it has driven me crazy.

I have tried so much to get over her, I have got with around seven girls in this time – all amazing girls – but I still cannot get over my ex. It is torture.

Please, can anyone offer me insight and how I can fix things? As you can see, I am obsessive, and have messaged horrid things and nice things to her – just anything to get a response. I am actually suffering and I would really appreciate some advice.