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Hi guys,
I’m having a seriously tough time at the moment.
Me and my 8 year girlfriend broke up about a week ago. And I begged and pleaded ect. Wrote a poem bla bla.
This might be a bit long but you need the story –
We broke up because I took a job around an hour and a half away from where we lived.(seperate house) I’m 22 and she is 23.
Last two years I had become depressed and shut everyone out because of the stress the job was putting me under. And I have no attention to my ex and quite frank she was amazing to me.
Begged me to love her for a long time and i always chose friends over her. I took her out for meals ect but I never invited her out with friends. I never told her she was pretty and I had little to no motivation.
It really hurt her 🙁
Now she said she doesn’t feel the same about me but she is so cut up that I’m hurting so much now.
Part of her still loves me but it’s not the same as it was before.
I am on day 1 of no contact after sending a level headed message explaining what thE hell happened to me because I was literally slowly breaking. But I never told anyone.
She is currently SO confused, upset angry. She said one minute she loved me next minute she hated me. Frankly I wasn’t good to her but I’ve never cheated.
I’m using the no contact to try get my life fixed.. Well my brain because I’m pretty depressed but I can’t seem to get hope out of my head because since this has happened everything came crashing down and I realised what I lost.
I feel so ill sometimes 🙁I will also add that since we have been broken up she has been going she has been going out every weekend both days. I feel like she just has moved on and it deeply hurts. I’ve done the no contact to try and heal my depression and fix myself. And have taken steps to move back home for good. But I love her with every bone in my body and I feel I wasn’t given chance to redeem myself. I’m confused deeply depressed abd I can’t let go of her. But surely she hurts Aswell but it just doesn’t feel like it 🙁
Seems she stayed in the relationship for the last two years even though you weren’t giving her the attention she needed and it hurt her more and more over the past two years. She finally got to a point of such unhappiness that she wanted to break up. She probably cares about you a great deal, but doesn’t want to return to a place of hurt again. You might need counseling to overcome your depression. No contact seems reasonable so you can get to a place so you would have more to offer her. Like possibly a better relationship. Like being more affectionate, more sincere compliments, taking her out with friends on occasion, but placing most of your focus and time with her. Sorry for your situation. Good luck
She said the reason is because she doesn’t feel the same way?
But in my heart I believe that when you first meet someone you don’t immediately love them. The love grows over time.. Surely if we just spent some time together again we would get the spark back?
I have given her space now but I don’t feel like she is unhappy. I feel she is happier without me but surely you can’t just switch off after 8 years? She is clubbing and going out all the time.. I feel like she is being crazy but surely she wouldn’t just throw herself out there cos she is a pretty innocent girl but she is very pretty.
Should I fix myself and speak to her in a month and see if she wants to take our dogs out or something as friends?
I don’t feel she is currently thinking straight since I dumped all my emotions on her when she dumped me. Cos I literally collapsed.
It started with my wanted a break because she lied. Which she was seriously against.
Then two days later she ended it and hasn’t changed her mind? I don’t think that’s rational.Man, I feel your pain. Right now I am going through the same desert. I’m a med student, doing everyhing I can to become a surgeon: days at library and nights at hospital. My girl (6 years together) is also from a similar field, but she is working on a more loose schedule than mine. Like you, I didn’t pay her enough attention, due to stress I became anxious and too tired to meet her parents for dinner, to meet her. We used to meet 1-2 times a week. I had been trying to spent more time with her, but eventually I would end up being swamped again, and she – being lonely again. And a few days back she said it’s over. She doesn’t want to try again, because nothing will ever change and she will always be number 2 for me. But I love her deeply. Was thinking about proposing to her. Maybe I worry about the career too much to see the beautiful things around me. I am trying this ‘no call’ thing, but I feel that a long period without contact would show once again, that I pay no attention to her. So I don’t know what to do. Good luck to you, bro. I just wanted to get it out of my mind for a person with a similar experience.
Reading your story I am getting the impression that you started caring more for her after you actually lost her. It looks like you took her for granted for a long time but she put up with it and went along, but not indefinitely. The problem is that your behaviour was killing the “spark” slowly but surely. So when she told you that there was no spark, you’d better believe her. The loss did not happen overnight, contrary to what you think.
She looks like she is moving on and trying to re-build her life and frankly, I cannot blame her. I was once in her situation and boy, it’s painful when the guy does not give a damn about you…Needless to say, we broke up and never got back together despite my intense feelings for him.
The best you could do is work on your own issues first and give up the thought of trying to get her back for now. Because even if you do, chances are it may not last.
Sadly, people do not change unless they themselves see a compelling reason to change. I mean, yes, they often act as if they had changed for a while until they fix their current problem (getting the ex back) and then slowly they lapse into their old selves. And that’s the most common reason why it’s incredibly hard to sustain the relationship even after getting your ex back.There is no magic trick to get this girl to come back to you. She may or may not. However, if you take time out to learn from your mistakes and improve yourself, you will know how to make the most of the next opportunity that comes along.
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