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Posts
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Thanks for your feedbacks girls.
Palmtrees22, yes I think I would be still glad if I sent it, as it already happened with the birthday note despite she didn’t even reply.
I am aware she might not be interested in what I have to say, actually I believe she is not but maybe one day when the anger has subsided a bit, she will understand why I wrote all that.Palmtrees22 my ex has unresolved issues with her dad and brother, both of them are older men; her brother has even my same age. Her dad left my ex’s mother for another woman when she was young so her parents consequentially divorced. I know this has left a scar in my ex, because she used to adore her dad.
He disappeared from her life and he never showed any care towards her. He didn’t help her when she needed financial support for her studies (which was her right by the law), my ex was on the verge of suing him but decided not to in the end. Her brother is a troubled guy and never took her side in the critical situations.
My ex has a deep bond with her mum, she has been the only reliable parent figure in her life. This majorly influnced her decision to come back to her birth country and to stay there after graduation; she didn’t wanna leave her alone. Everytime we used to talk about her dad or she talked about her dad with her friends, immediately she became angry and emotional.
She has been resenting her dad for years now and never seemed to let it go, so I am a bit worried that she will feel the same way towards me too. She’s also still pretty young for having the full maturity to let things go.Yes sorchaL46, I am still hopeful that one day we could have another chance of course, but only if we have the same vision about having a completely different relationship.
I am terribly in love with her and will be for a long time.Well then I say go for it. Although maybe cut it down so it is more effective. I’m glad you put so much on the table, but the lawyer in me says that a shorter “argument” is more likely to captivate your audience.
At this point I think you’re in a position where nothing you do (so long as it’s reasonable and not overly-emotional or harassment or anything) will turn her from a yes to a no; she’s probably made up her mind for the time being so you might as well send the letter if you really feel it will bring you closure. For me, actually sending those letters raises excitement in hopes I’ll get a certain response so I write, but don’t send… We are all different and our exes are all different, you’ve gotta do what’s best for you
Hey Catherine, Yeah of course there is that hope! Especially when it’s so sudden and your life changes completely! Such a strange concept isn’t it!
But I guess we are learning to be come individuals again, I don’t think I will make that mistake of combining myself fully with another person again. If I’ve learnt anything from this I have to keep myself as an individual! Got to be strong and sassy from now on! Haha.
Fishing,
That good that you don’t mind her reaction just you want her to know. Maybe you should mention that part about when the anger has subsided? I thought that was really good and a calming thing to say!
I can totally understand you on the family side of things as well. As I mentioned before my ex had a lot of family issues and because I was the closest one to him. Indirectly it kind of became my fault and the frustration was taken out on me rather than his dad.
But I’m thinking that once we have disappeared from their life for a while, and things still aren’t better they will be able to realise that the cause isn’t us and they need to sort the problems out within themselves. God knows how long that will take!I am trying to cut as much as I can from this note but it’s definitely hard to make it shorter! You must have understand that our communication has gradually degraded earlier than when she poofed, since from July, so there is a lot to say (relevant of course) I guess. The letter is surprisingly very lucid and direct but not rude at all, not overly emotional.
It would be silly and masochistic for me to get excited at this point, she’s stubborn and resentful. Knowing that she will read it anyway makes me feel more relaxed and at peace with myself.SorchaL46 I am not sure that when we are outta their lives our exes realize they gotta solve their issues. They got rid of the distressful source (us) and they feel fine, they are even ready to move on while instead we go through a deep self-analysis to see what aspects we need to change/improve of ourselves.
So in my note I arrived at the part where I am trying to give a deeper and honest overview of my past relationship experiences from a psychological side (learning from my therapy sessions), adding some new details she hasn’t known. This is to help her understand more some stuff that has happened before her, but I don’t wanna make it sound like I am justifying myself or anything. Would this make her angrier or more upset or hurt?
If you are worried it will sound like you are trying to justify yourself, you are probably right. I think you are best apologizing and owning up without the explanations, don’t even risk making it sound like you’re making excuses.
I keep wavering about my decision to cut contact off. I mean, I know I made the right choice for myself, but I just miss him so much. The cyclical nature of our past makes it harder for me to move on because he has come back before so why not now
Palmtrees22, my ex has come back before but now she is not. You can’t take for granted that the cycle will go on forever, it’s too convenient to think so. At some point HE might break it and it will take you off guard. Then what will you do?
I am sending the goodbye letter now, lost my belief in the other note, I would probably just make it worse. There is nothing else that I can do now and I am tired of fooling myself; she’s simply over me and I gotta accept it.
Hope this brings you some comfort!
I’m definitely not taking for granted that he will come back. In fact, I am the one that’s trying to break it– it’s never been me that has asked for space before because I believe any problems can be overcome so long as both people are willing to work on them. I was tired of feeling like the only one working, but I can’t deny that there is a part of me that hopes this will serve as a wake up call.
Well lol guess what…I did sent my other note in the end, I was sending the other letter on impulse and that’s not wise.
I am close to send it anyway, yet not the right time, it’s just a matter of a week or two.
I feel incredibly better, I don’t know how she will take it but I think I needed to take this risk. I haven’t taken a risk for myself or this relationship in a long time.Hi everyone, so today I was putting clothes away in my closet and as I eas doing that, I noticed some of my ex’s clothes were gone. All of the ones that were hung up in my closet were gone but the clothes on my shelved were still there. He doesn’t have any way of getting into my home so it wasn’t him that took it out. I know my mom had to have gone through my closet and taken them out.
I don’t know why but I really don’t know how I feel about her doing that. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about seeing his clothes now everytime I go into my closet butI just don’t know, I just feel weird about it.
catherine8 I am sorry to say but it’s been what, three months? I am surprised you didn’t at least put his clothes in a box, it’s good that your mother did that even if it seems intrusive, I guess she gave you a hint.
I have put away my ex girlfriend’s stuff and I know she doesn’t want them back.
My ex read my note and she hasn’t replied, I even have a feeling she didn’t like it at all but oh well. To me it seems obvious she’s happy in the situation and doesn’t care about even having me in her life in some form. I guess I have to move on.Hey guy!
Catherine, my mom did that as well. Put some of his clothes in the other room. I found them and bought them back. ?
They are now tucked away somewhere but you have to do it on your own timing. For me it took a month for the ring to come off, 6 weeks for the pictures to come down. And clothes are still in the draw. But to be honest I think they are fine there. I don’t see them everyday. And when I do it’s a bit like “oh yeah” so I’m glad everything is out of my eyeline now. Although it makes it seem a bit more real, you just got to go with the impulse of putting it away.
And fishing, I’m really sorry she didn’t reply. She still might, you never know! What are you going to do from here give it more time and…?
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