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My gf broke up with me about one month ago! We were together for almost 2.5 years and we had a very good relationship (not a lot of fights, having fun etc)! It was the first relationship and sexual experience for both of us! We are both 26.
So about two months ago we had a conversation about our common future and it didn’t end up well… I said I dream about being together for long but her opinion it was that our relationship was not going to last for too long because I am a little bit grouchy and lazy…
I got upset and after 2 weeks I told her tha I can’t be in this relationship (I did it just to shake her up) and we broke up! After 2 weeks we got back together and told her that I am whilling to change for me and for our relationship but something wasn’t right…
1 week after that she told me in tears that she is cofused about what we have and who we are and what we are doing! I gave her sometime to think and she came up with the decision to split up with me! The reason is that she still can’t see me like the man of her life, that she loves me so much but she is not 100% sure that she wants me for life and that she has the image of the perfect man in her mind and she is not sure if I am the perfect man for her…
I made a few mistakes after we broke up… Went to her house 2 times for the next two weeks in tears and told her to think about it and she told me that she doesn’t have the strength to fight for our relationship and that it is unfair for me to be in this relationship that I am sure what I want and she don’t!
She is under a lot of pressure because she is trying to finish her Master’s degree and with my actions I pressured her more…
My last use of contact was 15 days ago! I wrote her a letter, I put it in a bag with some chocolates and two ciders just to give her strength for her studying! No pressure, no “come back”
Last but not least I did something that I am ashamed of…I broke into her fb and messenger… I knew her pc’s password and I tried it on fb and it was the same… But she changed her password all of a sudden after 1 week… I don’t know if she is aware of that… She didn’t block me, send me, or call me about it… I am in the 16th day of NC and I still want her
I know my mistakes, I am working on myself, I am being positive and I want to try to make a new relationship with her!!
Sorry for grammar mistakes!!
Well telling her that you can’t be in the relationship to “shake her up” was not the right thing to do. That would have been the source of her confusion. I assume that she was doing her masters at the same time so that would have added to her pressure.
Sending her that present may have been well intentioned but, to her, it was you trying to get back together with her.
It is likely that she knew it was you that logged into her FB. It sends an email when someone successfully logs in using an unknown device. Who else knew her password?
How long does she have left on her masters? Does she have time off from her studies coming up?
I would say stay in NC for now and longer than 30 days. With the stress of her masters she will still be emotional about the break up and any contact by you will push her away. But it is good that you have learned from your mistakes and working on yourself.
Stay positive and keep us posted :).
Thanks for the support!!
I feel positive and deep inside I know that we are going to be together someday and she believes that too! When we broke up I told her that we’ll be together in the future and I saw the happiness in her eyes!!
I forgot to mention that we were staying together in her place for over one and a half years and that she was always focused on her studies and if she fails on her studies she feels disappointment about herself and more pressured
About her master’s, she was supposed to submit her thesis by june but she couldn’t make it so now she is going to submit it by september!! She is on hurry to finish it now… I think that she will be more relaxed in August but I am not sure!!
Today is my 16th day of NC and I was thinking about that 30 days are not much too but I don’t know how many more days should I do this!
At last I am pretty sure that if she really found out about FB I would have known!
That’s a positive sign. She still has feelings for you.
Why couldn’t she submit her thesis by June? If it were me I would wait until she has done her thesis. She doesn’t need to added pressure of you trying to reach out because, at this stage, it will come across as you trying to get back together.
It’s impossible to know when she will be over with her thesis! I assume in August she will be more relaxed.. I am not sure though! I don’t want to let the time fly but I don’t want to push her away either… I don’t know what to do…
She must find some people to interview them for her thesis! She has found some and she was settled but in the last moment she couldn’t find them so she needed to search for others!! That’s why!
I hope it makes sense!
Wait for now. Let her concentrate on her thesis.
In another 30 days contact her and ask how her thesis is going.
The FB thing was probably just a security alert she got that she took care of. She probably wasn’t suspecting it was you… and if she did she probably wouldn’t want to confront you about it either. So don’t worry about it. It was wrong, you know that, but it’s in the past now, let it be in the past.
Keeping the focus on yourself and improving your life/emotions is essential during this time. You don’t have to “forget” about her… one thing that keeps me positive is clear visualizations of our future together. When I’m feeling the stress or negativity of the past coming back in, I stop, take a deep breath, and remind myself of what I already know deep down “we are together, we love each other, we are happy” and I let myself feel that happiness come over me. It bleeds in to my life and interactions with others as well. Since I’ve started doing this, the amount of negative feelings have gone down tremendously, and I’m enjoying my life more than I was in the past two months since the breakup. Give it a try.
I’ll try! I am very good btw! I feel very positive, I feel happy about my self and my self esteem is in high levels! I’m going to give her enough time to relax and space to think and do the things she wants to do and then I’ll make my move!
I have some news!!
Yesterday I bumped into my ex… (We live nearby so…) Well I don’t know if it’s good or bad but I felt something in the air! I was cool, she asked me where am I going because I was dressed well and I just told her “I’m going out” (she was about to go out with her friend too)! The I asked her about her thesis and she told me that she is making progress, that she is starting summer vacations in about a week but she will be studying all summer and that she will go for a five day trip with her friends in July! Then she asked about me, I told her that I’m great and something great happened to me (which is true) but I was on hurry so I couldn’t tell her at the moment (at this moment she was like in shock)!
Then I told her to have fun with her friend and left! No hugs, no kisses, her eyes were wet, she had a smile on her face but she was trying to hide it and she was talking quietly (you know, something like Ross whe he was talking with Rachel in the first season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S)
What about now? Should I start NC from the beginning? Should I wait? The one thing I know is that I was like falling in love again!!
Well, I bumped into my ex girlfriend again waiting for the bus and we had a fun conversation! When I got back home I sent her “the elephant in the room”!! I kept it simple! That the broke up was a good decisio for both of us and help me learn about myself and about the mistakes I made in our relationship and what I learnt from them!! I let her know that I have some news to share but I’ll understand if she doesn’t want to!!
Her reply was something like that!“I am relly very happy that you think that the broke up was good for you and helped you grow as a person! It’s not that I feel uncomfortable, I really Want to share with me your news and I want to share things with you too but I don’t think I’m ready to go out with you without let this affects me and this is what is holding me from doing it!”
I feel my chances disappearing…
Well it does sound like there is still hope. She says that she is not ready to go out with you which means that she has not ruled it out entirely.
She says “this is what is holding me from doing it!” What do you think that means?
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