Wondering412

I think deleting from social media is imperative to the moving on process following the break up. 112 days post- break up and even after I have removed her and all of her friends and family from facebook (Oct. 12) She still hasn’t taken down “in a relationship” from facebook.

When we first broke up after 3 months dating in May 2014, I took down my facebook for a week. I put it back up and other girls made comments on it. I got a phone call from her after a week of NC apologizing saying she was wrong, and that she wanted to try again. I gave her another chance.

Fast forward July 2015. Break up out of the blue, we left it at we’ll talk again, and I told her I wasn’t going down without a fight, and she smiled at said okay.

3 weeks into the break up, I took down my FACEBOOK for 10 days thinking she’d have another change of heart. Then I wrote her a letter, she called me. She always referenced my social media in our texts and phone calls– I saw you were __________, or I was just going to text you I see you are ____________.

Anyways she used to search me all the time, and reference. But again something changed recently when I asked her to hang out.

From a male’s perspective and many on here can attest– facebook and social media can be used for the jealousy method. She was never big into facebook to begin with but since the break up has starting posting more– and finally I decided in order to move on completely I need to disappear. I deleted her from friends Oct 12 and just 4 days after she cancelled meeting me, she searched my facebook page at 730am. First thing she did in the morning probably.

Your ex is probably struggling. How long have you gone NC? Have you written a letter?

That’s really good advice Teresaa. I do very much agree with what you are saying here and I see that evident first hand in Gazs and my situation.

I don’t think I waited long enough into the No Contact to reach out. I thought 33 days was enough for my situation because there wasn’t a lot of damage done. Basically we left it at “we’ll talk soon”. I told her “I’m not going down easy, I will fight for you” and she smiled and said “Okay.”

That being said looking back on my letter, it was fun, lively, struck good memories. Some texts were better than others when I reached out to her, and some didn’t get a response. Regardless, in the end I think I didn’t wait long enough during NC (should have gone 45 days clean), and number 2 I didn’t act quick enough after having good communication to set up a face-to-face. I waited some time between good communication, to letting it fade, then asking for a face-to-face because I was busy, and she was busy. Somewhere during this time she started dating other people, and I think now she’s found 1 guy (the second guy she went out with) who has her attention. She doesn’t “date around”, it’s one and if he doesn’t pass it’s the next. Nonetheless, she still has her issues. She’ll never be truly happy.

You do have to turn the tables though. I feel better since I did that. 12 days ago I removed her and her family and friends from facebook and I told her politely to never speak to me again. I still expect one day she will have a break down and call, but I’m not waiting by the phone anymore.

I still think of her every day, and it is still very tough wrapping my head around this whole thing. I can’t believe it’s been so long since it happened July 5. The pain is still there and it feels like yesterday. But she can no longer see my every move. I’m hoping when I do run into her I’m looking my best, with a gorgeous intelligent girl at my side.

The best thing that you can do, for now. Really, truly and honestly. After still hurting from this experience, is finally disappear.

Everything, Facebook, texts, social media, phone calls. Defriend and delete her from am of it. She can’t know where you are, ever. Change her name in your phone to Ex.

I learned this too late.
I was stuck in trying to win her back, for too long, and it became a problem for me.

She would reply to texts, even initiated once in a while. But when it came down to reconciling and having a face to face, she did not wish to grant me even 5 minutes in person to hear me out. I still have no closure, but I closed the door and told her never to speak to me again… She apologized, twice.

But again, I did this too late.

If your ex wants to reconcile, she will call you.

At least give it 30 days. Then I can give you further assistance if you still wish to open that door again.

I’m not saying to quit.
But do give it more space than I did. You don’t want to be in my position 112 days after your break up and still wondering.

Well you’re young so you have a life to live.

Stay at it.
in my opinion the hour phone call was too long, but her texting is a very good sign.
Yes try not to respond to every text, or if you do, keep it short, and tell her you’re going places.

You should feel very positive about this.
It will probably work out for you.

Best!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

How soon was this message sent into your NC?

Mine too also rang me 12 days in to NC, but did not leave a voicemail.
I didn’t respond for a day, but how I did could have possibly led to my current situation now– which is now a request from me for her to never contact me again.

She called me like she called you– and I took a bag back to her place and that was it. She then text me 2 days later thanking me for her bag and that she wouldn’t be coming to my show.

Anyways… This is a touchy topic. She is reaching out. But I say… Keep going no contact. Perhaps that simple action of me taking her bag back to her place, was enough to set her off.

For you, I’d wait a week. Then text. “Hey, I saw that you called, but I was ________________________. (some shitty response that’s not exactly true) Then say you got busy this week and needed some time to process your thoughts. Then you can ask how she’s doing?”

Try that. Let me know.

Platinum,

It is similar in my situation. The good memories, the how are yous, the say hello to your family… These all still pretty much exist.

Don’t recall how long it’s been for your break-up and NC contact and your methods…

But I read a little that hot and cold signals can mean that your Ex still very much has feelings for you. If they were all hot you would of course get back together, and if they were all cold, your ex could clearly be telling you that it’s over.

It’s the middle ground that sucks… Mine finally agreed to a face-to-face, I wanted coffee, she suggested brunch, and just last night cancelled “brunch” plans because she thought it “wasn’t a good idea to meet up”. She text me 15 minutes ago saying perhaps her text was unclear, but that instead “she isn’t ready to be just friends yet”.

Add ADHD, and over dosing on Adderall to this– and that’s my relationship. I’d be kicked out one minute, and I’m never talking to you again..to a phone call in the morning asking when I was coming back. It went on like this for a year until I sobered up.

Regardless, it sounds like he still has feelings, but he doesn’t know how to address them. It is easier for him to talk of sexual things, instead of the actual issues at hand. Would it be possible for you to meet up with him?

Best,
Wondering.