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I messaged him about the things he left behind. He said I could keep them. So I’m officially out of his stuff yay!
It’s been a while. I still miss him and part of me wants to overlook the fundamental differences we had in our thinking about finances, communication etc. But that’s not a good train of thought.
So… after 2m I messaged him letting him know he got some paperwork by post and official docs and that I can mail them or he can pick them up (he still got keys at that point…). He answered about picking up his stuff as well and went into great detail about how he’s organising transport. I don’t care which friend of yours I don’t know will lend his car etc.!
I specifically asked him to let me know in advance when he’s coming. He gave a vague response then didn’t address my question and for 3 days he messaged from my appartment only asking for where stuff was. I had sent him a list with all the places the boxes I’d packed were.I found it rude that he didn’t even send a text ‘I’m coming today after work so 6ish’ or smg.
He was also looking for specific stuff, I repeated where that might be, and then he left the whole bag containing it there. It was on the list (think ‘blue trash bag above the shoe rack’) so I have to assume he has changed his mind and I can throw that away.I have a friend staying with me (his suitcases made his presence obvious – overseas guest) and my ex made a patronizing/bitter comment about him not taking care of smg in the appartment which was clearly a mistake made by my guest . But it was a thing that happens when you are staying at someone’s and definitely not my ex’s business. I think he was hurt by seeing that my appartment looks cleaner and nicer than ever and I already had a guest staying. This doesn’t at all mean that I don’t care or not hurt or anything but he chose to react in such a hurtful way.
I might still post when something happens.Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I agree that it was rude… I answered his messages because I find it rude not to, especially when the topic is so neutral. He could have said Me too and bye for now if he didn’t want to chat, especially as he had initiated the conversation.Yes, as I mentioned, we had communication issues. I was also at fault because I also caused drama by putting a lot of work stress into the relationship etc. and said hurtful things. I wasn’t happy and in a good place, I wasn’t myself. He had issues with communicating when he was upset and why and never let things go but buried everything inside. No way of talking things out. Also had some passive aggressive tendencies, and I feel not answering actually fits that somehow. Or maybe he wants to hurt me which can be an answer to some of my behavior. Things that should have been discussed in the relationship or let go of with the break up.
It’s exactly because of the, let’s say, different approaches to communication and arguments and conflict resolution that I am focusing on moving on and rebuilding a healthier and happier life. I am remembering the beautiful moments and feelings and know he is a great person. But also the strange way how he is (not) communicating about taking his belongings from my place shows that in bad emotional situations he cannot communicate.
Happy New Year, here’s to a better and happy 2018 to all readers!Thank you, the holidays have been nice, as nice as they get in times like these.
I am continuing with no contact into the new year for sure. As he has a lot of things at mine that he didn’t take yet (which I find strange as I learnt he’d found a place) so we will need to talk about that. I will avoid seeing him I think though.
I will see if he’ll answer at any point or message for the new year. I do not expect anything at this point.
I am still thinking about what I want. I might at some point try to restart our connection but at the moment I prefer to focus on my career change and meditation and so on.So… after NC ended, I sent him a message for Xmas and his birthday and planned to leave it at that. He answered immediately, he told me some news in his life that is commected to something we used to talk about. I expressed I am happy this thing turned out to be okay. He again immediately responded and asked me how I was. I told him I was back at my parents’ and was enjoying my time off from work. I asked how he was… and that’s it, no answer for days. This made me really sad. I see from comments and posts that this is fairly commom but it really upsets me.
Happy holidays, everyone! I hope you have had a wonderful time!Just a little update: it’s been 3 weeks of NC. It’s quite easy without social media though. I feel better but there are relapses. Oh well, I know it’s part of it.
I still have this guilty feeling but I am becoming more objective of the relationship without being judgemental.
I will check in again in a while just to let you know how I am coping…Hi, and thanks for checking in. It’s been over 2 weeks of NC.
I am sad and often feel empty and sometimes even worse than that but I’m slowly rebuilding myself and am looking for things and projects I am enthusiastic about and can focus on.
Some of his stuff and furniture are still at my place. I have reorganised the appartment so it feels mine again and packed away his things.
I am going to continue NC until the holidays and I will see in January if I actually want to take any steps towards getting back together.Thanks for the kind words and wishes. Two weeks of NC now… it’s been hard but helps me focus on myself.
I am not ready yet to give up hope but I am focusing on other relationships (family, friends, work) and even planning some cool trips I have always wanted to take.
If the time comes to think things through, it won’t be now but after both of us will have had some soace and time. And only if I don’t feel this hurt and sad and hopeless but realize there is a whole world out there.
Meditation/yoga is great, highly recommended!Hey guys,
Thanks so much for sharing your opinion, it matterd a lot to have some support.
I am sticking to NC no matter how hard it is… I need at least two more weeks and I will see from there how to proceed. Part of me wants him to contact me, part of me wants to just heal alone.
Answering your question, yes, he has moved out, he found a temporary place so much of his stuff is still at mine. I hope I only have to deal with this after the holidays (so far I was very matter of fact but flexible on how he picked up his stuff during NC).Hello, so he is coming over to pick up some stuff ober the weekend. I won’t be home.
I was thinking of coming home to talk to him but I know it’s a bad idea because first I need to pull myself together. I often feel sad and find it hard to concentrate at work.
When no contact ends, it will be right before the holidays when he goes home to see his family. He’ll be there for well over a week. Where we are currently living he is still new to the area so it will be a happy period for him to see home and his family.
What do you think, should I extend NC until next year or better go with the original plan?
It’s all hypothetical now and it should depend how I am feeling but I prefer to have a general timeline in my head.Hello,
I accidentally clicked report instead of reply, I am sorry! I hope your comment will stay up as it is relevant and helpful!
He moved out before I was supposed to go back. He hasn’t taken everything bc he is looking for a more final arrangement for his living situation.
He took the essential things, including something we only had one of and is needed every day. It was his and we agreed he’d take it. He made arrangements for me with what we had in the flat so that I am not missing this thing when I go back which I found very caring. Sorry for no more details but it’d be too personal for the net.
I’m finishing week 1 of NC.
I am trying to calm down as I realize I have been in constant stress for the past year bc of work as well.Hi and thanks for your kind words. I am sticking to no contact, planning a long-awaited major career change that I was too shy to consider and I also want to learn meditation.
I am doing these for myself because they will make my life better. But I can’t help but think that he might reconsider ending things because he sees I am the same motivated person I was when we met.
Do you think there is a chance flr this scenario?
I know it’d be hard work to makenot work again but we had such beautiful times (he also said this when we broke up).
