SadLarry

Hey, I truly think I need to do no contact again (but this time forever). I need to work on me to the point I no longer give a fuck as I can see that I am gonna be lead on by a person I chose to leave as the relationship wasn’t right in the first place. I think when I no longer give a fuck she will either come back or not, either way I will no longer give a fuck ahah this pain hurts so bad and I miss her so much, but I truly believe yesterday was her attempt at keeping me in her pocket so she can a) ween off me slowly to achieve closure properly, or, b) she wants to see where other things go and is keeping me as an option in case new ventures don’t work out. Either way, neither of those things are things that work for me and things that I deserve. I left her because she was truly nasty to me, and because of that our relationship became toxic.I need to remind myself of this, and I deserve better. I need to remember my worth. She obviously has no gripes about how she treats me, in and out of the relationship and thats cool, but she will realise one day what she has lost, and if she doesn’t, it won’t matter because i will no longer give a fuck. Right now Im really sad though hahaha

Essentially after mine and her talk yesterday, she talked for a bit via text, which we had been doing solidly and all day for a week, but now has gone AWOL for over 12 hours. I don’t presume to know what she is doing in this time, but either way it has become apparent that I no longer mean enough to text back promptly, which honestly makes me realise that she is not anticipating my messages in the way that I thought.

Keep your strength up, I truly hope that it all works out for you. I think you being her partner and the weight of your opinions would have to have a different dynamic than her friends and possibly something she longs for. Keep me in the loop too with how you go, because I could honestly use a success story myself right now. haha

As for me, I have read the rules again and today, Id definitely say Id broken some of the more needy insecure ones, and now my ex is aware that she could have me back at any time which I believe fucks with my chances a lot. I really do not wanna go back to no contact, as our relationship was not real long, however we did live together and do everything together in that time. But I feel as if I am making headway, I just need to know how to shift the dynamic so that she will be attracted to me and the fear of losing me grows in her mind. I think her telling me that she is still interested in a future with me, but wants to see how we can build our friendship before rushing into it this time is a life raft but Im scared that she is doing that to keep me as her safety net. I honestly don’t wanna just drop out of her life again. I have read other Ex back pages too, that suggested that keeping a friendship is also a good way of once again building attraction and that NC is not always entirely necessary, but I truly believe it helped get us back to this point. I’m still kinda desperate, but know that I have my needy tendencies in check, I just hope that she will be receptive and isn’t trying to ease her grief and give herself closure by weening me out of her feelings.

Well, you definitely are a kind person. It must be truly difficult, at the moment, and to devote some of your time to help others is a testament to your character. I truly hope that your ex realises what she has lost. You are extremely strong for riding this out. Do you have an action plan of how you are gonna approach her? Did she seem genuinely interested in talking to you? Like obviously, NC doesn’t really have a minimum time limit if she has changed the way that she feels. It must be extremely difficult having kids together and going through this. I split with the mother of my child a few years ago, but both of us had really come to accept that the relationship was over whilst we were still together. It was tough, as we were together for 8 years.

I just find it extremely difficult to move on from my current ex. I honestly know my life would be easier if I was truly content without her, and Id actually be in the right mind space to win her back, but I just can’t kick the post breakup anxiety that feels like a hand is gripping my stomach. I really tried to keep it light hearted, and win her heart back through attraction and proof that I am making a conscious effort to fix my weaknesses. But she ended up asking me a relationship specific text last night to which I had no choice but to honestly answer that I love her. (she set it up that way) I really wish she didn’t ask that question. Today we exchanged texts for the most part before it went to a friendship route, but she was truly considering being with me again, but she kept saying she was scared it would be the same as before. She nearly committed to me. I wish I didn’t ask. (I really hope her fears are true and she hasn’t moved on and is too scared to hurt my feelings)

I spoke with her after the texts on the phone today, as I was truly crushed when it seemed as if she was about to take me back only to go cold again.

On the phone she said she loves me, is in love with me and misses me heaps, but certain aspects of our relationship make her scared to enter a relationship with me again. Basically vocalising how toxic it was. I really don’t wanna go no contact again because it really feels as if she is close to accepting me back. She said she wanted to be just friends for now, but still sees me as a romantic prospect and IS open to getting back with me in time. It appears as if we are still gonna go on dates together as she is either gonna see me tonight or tomorrow (I feel like it will likely be tomorrow as she is out with her friends and then needs to see her grandparents later in the day.) I did try to convince her to somewhat commit which I regret, but I love her so much. She clearly is right on the fence and says her heart says yes, but her head says no. Im so scared she will cancel, as I truly know my only chance of winning her back is to be going on dates. Has she got a lessened attraction for me? Is all hope lost and she’s letting me down easy? Or do you think that she is being sincere and is testing me?

I honestly feel so close to winning her heart again, or at least some kinda label for us that suggests exclusivity with each other. I just need to boost that oxytocin in her brain so her attraction and love grows again, although, it is mighty hard only with text. I really hope she does want a go with me. We have even texted since talking on the phone, which she initiated.

Thanks so much for the advice Gamecoder. Are you in the process of this yourself?

I definitely need to keep my emotions in check, its hard because I just wanna shower her in affection, but have to play my cards right. I honestly hope that this works. I truly love her. Whilst last night was amazing, I honestly should have been so much less emotionally driven, but seeing her was like this ultimate relief that came over me that I never wanted to lose again. Instead probably showcased desperation to have her back. If everything goes to plan and she sees me again Ill try much harder to do that.

One thing I truly hate is texting in between seeing each other. It honestly is hard to be yourself, whilst thinking of ways to ask thoughtful questions in order to build attraction. Not only that, but the playful banter is so much easier to achieve in person. It is also obvious that Im the chaser and have to perpetuate the conversation, which is definitely hard via text.

Hey, I mean no disrespect whatsoever questioning this. But, could you explain why? She still keeps talking to me.

Can you maybe explain why my situation in comparison to others that do have hope? I mean, we met up monday and kissed quite a bit. She had to cancel tonight, but Im 100% certain she is at work. She may still see me, she may not.