Robert

Hi everyone I need help figuring out if my ex is in a rebound relationship and what I should do next. Continuing with the previous posts my ex girlfriend and I have been separated for just over 5 months. Recently we started talking again and have hung out like 4 times. I thought things were starting to turn. The day before Thanksgiving. We went out to watch a movie and while waiting for the movie to start I told her of what I thought was a funny story of my nieces asking for her. She got emotional about it and started to cry. I apologized. After the movie we went to get dinner and she started to cry again. She said that it was too hard for her. I told her it wasn’t easy for me either. She said that she lost of her family, meaning my family. We later talked in the car where she told me that she was seeing someone but is torn between me and this other guy because I’m a great guy. She also said that she doesn’t feel anything for me but then contradicted herself by saying that she has been afraid to do anything with this guy because she still cares for me a lot and has a lot respect for me. Also by saying that one of the times we hung out she just wanted to kiss me. She also kept saying that I’m such a good guy and that she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, which I don’t know what that means because that’s what she’s doing. I told her that I guess I’m kind of waiting for her which made her cry. At one point she said that this guy is kind of a looser but he makes her happy and wants to give him a chance. Which is also contradictory because one of the issues with me was I “didn’t know what I wanted in life.” She said that it’s not a rebound relationship that it’s away of wanting to move on even though she says she’s an emotional mess and considers herself “damaged goods” and no one would want to date her. Furthermore, she said that December 7th was going to be hard not to talk to me because it would have been our anniversary. Towards the end of the conversation there was a lot of touching. She rubbed my arm, held my hand and she even put my hand on her face. Not sure what it meant. Towards the end she said something like we have unfinished business and that we even have like imaginary kids, I agreed. The conversation wasn’t an argument we talked calmly and towards the end we even laughed a little. I recently noticed she added this guy on Facebook and also saw that he is at least 5 years older than her which is also very unusual. I don’t know how long she has been seeing him but I know that she has been looking for dates soon after we broke up. She had referenced a “friend” that lives in the same place as him so maybe she has been hiding him. I believe that it is a rebound relationship or at least I’m hoping it is. What do you think? And what should I do next? I’ve done no contact with her in the past. I’ve had a couple of casual text conversations with her since so she’s not ignoring me. Although I have been biting my tongue on many things I want to tell her but I’m afraid of saying them because they may work against me. I’m really starting to loose hope. Also would contacting her in any way on what would have been our anniversary be wrong?

Hey guys thanks for the advice. This is probably the most feedback I have gotten from here and I appreciate it. I understand what you guys are saying and I agree. I don’t think it’s harsh at all. Thank fully I have a ok job, she has told me her self that it’s a good job, and I do have a car. I also believe that money issues were another factor that lead to the break up. We lived together and towards the end she was having trouble paying the rent. When we were together I was the more financially stable one. She moved out and we had to break our lease. The thing that she says bugged her is that I didn’t finish college. I only had one class left to finish general education and I left. But loosing our apartment gave me the motivation to get my stuff together and choose a career, I have told her that. I have chosen to be a vet assistant. I haven’t started yet but I just have to save money. As for telling her that I wanted to be with her forever. I did tell her once after she had moved out. I had written down a letter and I read it off to her. I told her I wanted to share the rest of my life with her. All she said that it was nice. Maybe she took it as me trying to get her to come back which is kind of true but I still have those feelings. But now how do I communicate those feelings?? She wants nothing to do with me. I know if I tell her she now she is going to say something like “it’s too late for that”. Plus I put this same thing on the home page comments and Kevin suggests I should do no contact for 2 months. That sounds painful. Also she says she that at this point in life she wants to be alone. Which makes me feel like she is at the moving on stage and the opportunity to get back together has passed since it’s almost 4 months since we started this whole thing . I guess right now she has a lot of negative associations with me right now. I tried telling her that I have changed but she shut me down with “people don’t change” but the funny thing is that she has changed. I wish I could have told her at that at the time when she told me that. More recently (last night) she told me that she feels that she “got the short end of the stick” with splitting our stuff. She originally told me that I could keep everything from our apartment and the current car I drive, which we bought together. I kept all our furniture and put it in storage. Now she is telling me she wishes that she would have fought for some of the stuff and the car. Now she says she wants me to pay back her mom $500 that she helped put down for the car. So she I could tell she is upset about that. These are the ways in which she contradicts her self. She says that she doesn’t become friends with her ex boyfriends yet she wishes to be friends with me. She says she’s lonely but wants to be alone. Sorry I’m kind of going off I just have so many things to say. But anyways I don’t know that I can communicate those feelings of wanting to be together forever and being married. She probably won’t take it kindly.

I guess you’re right I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. She’s missing me but I guess the question is she missing me enough to work things out? It’s funny that you should say I should tell her when something reminds me of her because on that post she said she heard a song that reminded her of us so she is the one telling me.