Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
nah don’t bring her parents into your relationship issues. This stuff is between you and your ex. While her parents can play a role (i.e. they can try to talk your ex out of getting back you with) I don’t really think this is something you can control because ultimately it is up to your ex if she wants to give the relationship a new start. Talking to her parents could also be perceived as “creepy” and “going behind her back”. It was different when you were dating because you were talking to them on a regular basis. But that is not currently the case.
Just show your ex you have changed and do what else was suggested. I think you are potentially on the right track. Just chill out, relax, go about your day, and go forward slowly.
Hey man. I have sort of been following your story because mine is similar and I’m in a similar boat.
Anyway I wanted to let you know that I do think you took some steps in the right direction with your normal convo the other day.
But as a word of caution to help you not make the mistakes I did… just take a step back and let it come. Don’t be over-bearing or over-loving in any message or anything. The example I would use is just that you guys had a normal convo and then you sent a sappy text to her. I would highly suggest stopping that. She knows how you feel man. She may just need a little more time/space but probably don’t have to do full on no contact anymore. It will likely take a few weeks or more to get “back together” and will just naturally happen over time.
I’d say your next step is in several days reach out and see if she wants to meet in a casual way, then progress forward to an evening date. You should eventually have the convo of “hey let’s have a fresh start” once she feels more comfortable with you. But just don’t overdo it because that will potentially ruin your chances.
Hey guys so question. So you all can see my story above..
I’m on day 5 NC now. Is there any indication of meaning of I don’t hear from my ex by a certain period of time??
Meaning if she doesn’t contact me by say day 10 then that is a very bad sign?
Ok thanks guys.. I did not contact her. I mean I knew she was logging in for at least a couple months (can do for free so I just hoped that was why) but didn’t know she paid for it until 3 days ago and that’s when I did the begging for the god-only-knows number of times but the last time (didn’t tell her I knew). I mean, yea, I’m over-analyzing it. No idea when (days vs weeks ago) or why she decided to pay. My head always assumes the worst of the worst.. I don’t fault her. She is allowed to move on too but just sucks is all. And I have no idea what she is thinking.
But guess the main this at this point is:
1) focusing on myself now for a period of time and be ok not getting her back (deactivated my facebook so I don’t have to worry about seeing her there)
2) the future is unknown so who knows how all this will turn out — never even tried no contact for more than 2 days — but gotta get myself better no matter what happens or nothing will changeanyway almost done with day 2 of no contact. It is easier to not “have” to message her or try to call her. But I still think about her too much (though not as much as 3 days ago).
Thanks for the help :). I’ll keep this updated. I’m reading that other recovery guide as well.
does anyone feel that her paying for and rejoining the online dating site we met on has any significance??
Guess I feel it is the final nail in the coffin and all hope is lost 🙁
still kinda hard and only on day 2 no contact (first time every trying it in a little over 2 months after the break-up). just can’t help but think it is actually totally over and I have no chance and she has moved on 🙁
Thanks for your thoughts. I was wondering though just during the no contact portion.. did you guys agree to “no contact” or did you actually “break up and then get back together”. I see perhaps agreeing to ‘no contact’ as slightly different in that I wouldn’t expect the other person to date around…
so did you guys go out on a date or 2 with other people? Or just focus on yourself?
Ok thanks guys for your thoughts. Just panicked yesterday and didn’t know what to do.
Well I think my chances may be gone at this point to be honest. But you are right that I don’t know for sure if she has moved on. Won’t know until I just do nothing and see what happens. Guess I have nothing to lose.
I think one of my main problems is being inpatient. I will think “she should call within 3 or 4 days and if she doesn’t she is gone”.. I mean perhaps right? But on the other hand I have see stories of here of people just going almost 2 months after the final break-up and then the ex out of nowhere runs back.
Well this girl has a father who is very sick and she is in denial to an extent. Can’t predict what will happen or when really.
So today is day 1… Gonna lay low completely and stay off any and all social media related to her until I just don’t care anymore. You guys are right in that the ball is in her court and no matter what there is nothing I can do. Guess before I always was holding out some hope.. but seems hope is all lost now. She knows how I feel. May take many days for her to process everything and make up her mind about what she wants right now.
any other thoughts? thanks a bunch guys. yesterday was hard for me…. and I’ll keep this board updated in what happens in case people who are not responding read any of this
I know.. but to some extent “no contact” is about holding out hope you can get your ex back. I mean, while not necessarily the sole purpose, that is why a lot of people do it.
but “no contact” won’t work if you ex has moved on and doesn’t care anymore.
And I guess right now that is my concern. Been just over 2 months. I feel simply the girl has moved on with her life and I still cling to the thought of a relationship with her when she just doesn’t want to get back together.
Could “no contact” really do anything at this point? A message from her of something like “hey how are you?” in a few days to me simply wouldn’t mean anything given what she has told me
If it makes you feel any better I did waaaaaaay worse than you before.
But I’m in your boat (only on day 2 though).
Ok so her is my quick advice… You are making the same mistakes I made (and still am). I highly suggest staying off her social media, unfriending her, etc. whatever it takes. Because sooner or later a pic will pop up and you may break again (happened to me). And you may lose everything.
Honestly at least according to this site NC really isn’t just about getting your ex back. It is also about being totally ok if you don’t get them back. That I 100% agree with because you may not get her back. Or you might but it may not be right after NC, could be yrs. She may need to date around to realize how good you were. Not sure.
I’m trying to get my mindset to be that way. Trying to set up another casual date with another girl, etc. Still kinda in the grief phase though. I suggest (easier said than done) just avoiding all social media of her. Takes a lot of self control but the only way really in this day and age. Checking it only will lead to mind games and you aren’t really focusing on yourself to move on.
If you choose to feel her out in the next few weeks I would say something that would warrant a reply without being over the top. Something that will remind her of a good time with you. And if she ignores that then at least you know. But don’t do it if you aren’t prepared to get an answer you are not hoping for.
I don’t know this girl but word of caution from experience… when you do approach her again try maybe not to force things because forcing a matter she is not ready to confront will push her away. So feel her out. See if she is ready to talk and meet when you are ready. And go from there.
Similar situation with me. Worried the my ex-GF has moved on too (2 months ago)..
I mean I guess it is always a risk. The point of NC really is for yourself and so that when it is “over” you will be in a better position to realize that life will be ok without this girl. I am about to start mostly so I can move on because I have given up hope in my case…
But for you I think a similar situation to me… maybe this girl wasn’t as serious as you? Maybe you liked her way more than she liked you? Maybe she isn’t ready to settle down? Etc. You didn’t say anything about the relationship so it is hard to know.
Could she move on? Yeah. You could try breaking NC and getting a feel? Nothing major? Maybe just a text to see whats up… but at least be prepared for a reaction you wouldn’t want.. such as ignoring, etc. Take it from me (who was hurt pretty bad by how my attempts at contact went) it may not be worth it especially if you aren’t at a place where you are ok not getting the girl back..
At least my though is to probably look at NC at more of a guideline. I wouldn’t necessarily set it as a hard and fast rule. Every relationship is different. But the common guideline is to know when to give that space. Most every site says some form of no contact is good. The exact amount of time is probably more of a feel..
