Nick1234

I am going to go workout right now. I need to clear my head. Thanks for your response, I admire the bluntness. I honestly just feel like it is hopeless.

Ok. So I talked with her last night. I apologized for the harshness of the note. I told her I wrote it our of anger and frustration. She asked what it was about and I said that I didnt want to really say. I told her that some of the stuff I had written i.e. “there is no future for us” was simply not true and was not my place to decide. She said she figured I was just having a bad day. She asked why I didnt respond to her text and I just told her because I was still angry/upset and then it just got to a point where I didnt know if responding was a good idea or not.

She said several times that I am being very confusing with wanting to talk one week and then the next not. She said she is trying to give me space and I am just confusing (I am very confused by her actions and just everything in general). I told her that she has been one of my oldest friends and that I value our friendship and dont want her to disappear. She said she didnt want me to disappear either.

We talked just about some topics that we both agree on about how it is stupid to go and get wasted and stuff like that. Overall we had a good conversation. She seemed to be getting emotional at some points during our talk and even mentioned that she wrote a note to me but it wasnt written right yet. whatever that means lol

After we finished talking we both went into our rooms for a while and once I got ready for bed and was in bed, I sent her a text that said “I hate that I feel like I am bothering you. I want to work on our friendship but I want to take it slow (because I definitely showed too much last night). I really do miss talking with you. I have not idea where you are with all of this. It is very hard for me to see. I think thats why I have been so confused. I am very sorry for that btw lol”

She replied back, “No I like talking I just needed to work on that project too and I couldnt do both. I wanted to start at like 9 but I ended up talking to you and kiera and my dad so it just didnt happen.”

I replied back, (I sent this kinda at the same time she sent her text) “Sorry that again is me being inconsiderate without knowing. We can figure everything out at a later time. Focus on your race! Do really well. Know that I am very proud of you! Remember the verses I have given to you.”

She replied back, “I have it (the verse) taped on my desk and I remember it (it has to do with working hard to get a prize). its not a problem, dont worry about it! I enjoyed talking too.”

I said back, “if you enjoy it, pursue it. I am not going to be needy for it. I do want to and enjoy talking but it goes both ways. Anyways, I am going to sleep. Goodnight chelsey”

Her last text was, “I do to, you know how it is when I need to get stuff done though. Anyways night nick!”

Her responses were very general. I do know how it is she has pretty much been puting everything else in front of me for the past year of our relationship and she didnt have the time to give. Time is her love language, its how she felt loved was when she was given time by me. Well she didnt have time last semester for me to even give any of mine to her you know? Anyways, you guys were probably right. I shouldnt have talked to her. I honestly thought about her and didnt want the note to be affecting her negatively in any way before her races this weekend, so I wanted to tell her so if it was bothering her she could know that I didnt mean some of the things that I said and that I was sorry about it.

So I went to her race today because she mentioned yesterday that neither her mom or dad were coming. This is a big deal to her and so I wanted to be there to support her seeing as I have been there for her the past 5 years. I sent her a text right before her race (I knew she wouldn’t get it until after her race so it wouldnt mess with her at all)

I said, “your dad may not be here. your mom may not be here. your best friend is here though. I am proud of you no matter the outcome of this race. you work so hard. you deserve the best result. Good luck”

She had a pretty bad race and didnt medal (she did last year). She never responded to this last text. I know that she was going to be hanging out with her girl friends tonight or at least that is what she said. I dont know. I really dont. I am confused. As I always am. She told me several times that she really hopes that I have made the progress the last not said because that makes her happy I said that I did and that the one I left with the ring was just out of being upset.

I need to apologize to her for that note I left her with the ring. That note was made out of hate and me being upset.

Should I even try talking to her? or go see her race? If I went to the race, I dont think Id let her know I was even there. I still support her very much. I just want to be the guy that will always be there for her you know? I love her that much that even after all she has put me through I still want to be there for her.

What did your email exactly say to her? If you dont mind sharing.

No, if you find another girl, find one that loves you more. If it ends up being your ex then thats great! I dont think she is going to give it back. I told her that I didnt want it back. She also said she was going to keep mine in the note (im not sure if she meant the one I gave her or the one she gave me) because it is a good reminder of what is important… Thats so confusing to me. A ring that symbolizes our relationship is so important to her that she is going to keep it even though she broke my heart? I could be reading it wrong? Im not sure haha.

As for you saying happy birthday and writing that letter, whatever. You cant undo it. Its already done. Go NC now. Dont look back at if it was the right thing to do or not. Become a better you. whatever you have to do to get there, do it. Make her realize that you are the person she fell in love with 5 years ago. It was very hard for me not to tell her happy valentines day and knowing that she had someone else to spend it with while I was alone. But I made it past that. Our 5 years would be coming up in May.