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Okay, Just the very quick update that I have promised :
My ex came home. She said nothing about that boy. I’m still worrying, but now I’m a little bit more relaxed.
@aqua I’ll write a reply to your pont in my next long post, possibly tomorrow (idk what is your time zone so let’s Say that on Saturday.) Now I’m only wtiting from smartphone.Keep on fighting guys!!!
I wanted to bring some news for today, but my ex hasn’t arrived home yet (she’s with the other boy now), so I can’t really write anything about her. If I get to know something new, I’ll write an other post.
Well, I’m a kind of “conservative” person, so personally, I wouldn’t do ‘friends with benefits’, but if yo’re okay with it and it doesn’t violate your beliefs, why not? Considering your ex, she slept with an other boy, so… yeah, why not? 😀 It’s totally your own free choice. If you think it could help you, do it! Remember that the primary aim – beside getting her back – is to make yourself happy!
Actually, I have plans with… Tinder 😀 Two days ago I become 18 years old, so I can widen the search range. I’ve tried it, and there are much more girls now! What’s more, much prettier too 😀 I just need a new profile picture. The current one was taken on the day when I first met with my ex, and I’ve changed a lot since then. The new profile picture will be taken on next Saturday, during the film shooting 😀 With this, I can also show the “New Me” for me for my ex. Actually, changing profile picture is also a little trick (for example, like the one I’ve mentioned in connection with smells). On Facebook, it counts as a big event, and that shows to our ex that something – something good – is happening to us, and we’re living our lives.
It came to my mind from the profile picture that actually, the day when I’ve first met with my ex, was also the day when the relationship started 😀 Before that day (12th July) we only talked on the internet (facebook, snapchat, viber, and mobile calls). We got to know each other on the beginning of May. There was an online writing competition: she was a contestant, and I was the organizer 😀 During the competition, and after that, we talked more and more, and around the middle of June, it came up that “what if we were dating?”. This topic came up more frequently as time passed by, and few days before our first meeting, we only talked about this. We were so excited and nervous. At that time, we were definitely in love with each others’ personality, but we had never seen each other. Than the big day came, and… Uhhgr, I’ve never been so excited and nervous. I couldn’t even eat or sleep. And I felt that the 2,5 hours train travel to Budapest lasted forever. I don’t know how you’ve met with your ex for the first time, but if not like that, imagine, that your first girlfriend is waiting for you at the train station and you don’t even know how she exactly looks like, only from some pictures, you don’t know how she acts, moves, what are her gestures, her body language, how does it feel to look into her eyes… Oh my god, it was one of the weirdest experience in my life. Weird, but in a good way. And… It’s easy to conclude what happened 😀 We fell in love :3 But there wasn’t even a kiss! We only hugged each other, and held each others’ hand. The actual talk about the relationship – when we exactly said “yes” to it – happened at a top of a mountain (mountains in Hungary are like 100-200 meters high… 😀 ). I remember how the wind blew our hair to our faces… I think it was the only occasion when it didn’t annoyed me. It was so romantic. And I still remember how it hurt when we had to say goodbye at the end of that day, and we’ve just realized how hard it will be and how much will we suffer.
I went to the capital as a single, shy boy, and I came home to my city with a girlfriend who lives 250 kilometers away.
Ahhhhggr, my heart is bleeding while I’m recalling how good it was, and then realize what’s the situation right now 🙁
(And sorry, I’ve forgotten to say that storytime is incoming 😀 )I really think you should meet with that girl. At least a simple meeting. And if you get involved in a relationship like “friends with benefits”, you can easily get out of it I think. Much easier than in case of a real, normal relationship – because it’s not a normal relationship!
8 more days for both of us until the “Big Day” 🙂
Oh my god, it must be really hard to distract yourself from Facebook. If you’re online on Facebook, you feel like you must see what he wrote and you want to text back? Because if you can stop this desire somehow, you shouldn’t do this torture. But I know, it’s very hard not to write on them 🙁
If you follow the suggestions provided by this page and this forum you’ll have bigger and bigger chances. Don’t forget to improve yourself! And don’t think about him too much! Instead, think more about yourself. Make yourself happy. I know that you can only be happy with he… But you must find an other way. An other person can’t give you the happiness. You were in a relationship for a year, now, you have to learn how to be independent. Actually, you can take advantage from this freedom and independence. Find new hobbies, try new thing, change yourself, etc. 😀
Whatever you do, I wish you a lot of success, and be strong! I know how hard are these times.P. S. She hasn’t been active for 5 hours. She is spending very much time with that guy 🙁 I’m worrying. Really really worrying.
Did you mean Rebound Relationship? 😀 Well, if she was in a rebound relationship, it would kill me as well. Personally, I feel that I wouldn’t be able to start a new relationship. Not even with my ex! Of course, I want to start one with her, but I still have some things to improve. The filming will be just the very first step. She will only watch me, not meet with me or having interactions with me.
And yeah, the long term NC is the future plan, If I’m not successful. Actually, I’m able to make her leave the group conversation. I could have do that, I just didn’t want to be so cruel, because she loves the people there, and they like her too.I think if you annoyed her, it’s just a temporary feeling. Her main emotions are still about the break up and the relationship she had with you. On 18th, you obviously have a chance to get her back and make the best that you can do. Just remember that don’t be pushy or needy. Just be cool, act like a great friend, and give only yourself – but the New Yourself! 🙂
By the way, are you successful in keeping NC? Do you know anything about her? (what she is doing, where she goes, etc.)So, about today’s happenings. My ex sent me a picture of herself on Snapchat, and… SHE DYED HER WHOLE HAIR. Not just a little highlight like some days before, no: she completely had her hair dyed! On the picture, it was written that “#blonde”, but it’s definitely just light brown (it used to be dark brown). She looked a lot more better with natural dark brown hair. And what’s more… She had make-up on her face. A lot. Not that extremely, but still a lot. She has never used make-up before.
Unfortunately, as I’ve said, on Snapchat you can only see a picture for some moments. It was visible for only 4 seconds, so I couldn’t investigate it more. And I can’t see who else get this picture, but Snapchat says that I’m among her “top friends”. It means that I’m among those 7 people with who she contacts the most on Snapchat. And she’s among my top friends too, but I don’t know why, I don’t contact with her often. Sometimes I just send regular pictures. Actually, Snapchat can be a great “weapon” for me, with these pictures I can show her what am I doing, and that I’m really fine 😀
Of course, when we were together we were our number one top friends.I’ve said that I’ve finalized some of my changes, and I’m trying to put them in practice this week. I don’t want to tell that too early, but I think I’m successful. Not that very huge changes, but little, more solid steps may lead to the same goal 😀 I have to appreciate every little thing.
Huh. Nine more days until the filming. I’m excited. We have an exact date, an exact place, and I’ve started to plan the whole process. Actually, only 3 of us will participate: me, a good friend of mine, and the girl I’ve talked about the last posts.That’s all for today. See you next day, looking forward your update! 😀
Huh. I finally have time for a longer post.
To be honest, I don’t know. I may never know. But if I had to give a straight answer, I would say that she’s obviously not. But she is my very best friend. Once I deactivated my facebook. I wanted to stay deactivated for 4 days, but after one and a half day, she was the first one who started worry about me so much that she called me on phone and asked me what happened and what’s wrong. Actually, a few more people missed me and worried about me as well. That was the point when I realized who are the most important people in my life, who really care about me.
Actually, 2 years ago, that girl was my crush >< But I’ve heard that she doesn’t support long distance relationships. And I’ve also heard that she finds it hard to express her feelings, for example if she is in love with someone.
I still find her attractive, but I’m no longer in love with her. But there’s one thing I know for sure: she’s definitely my very best friend 🙂Considering the picture, I don’t know to who else did she send it, Snapchat does not show it :/ But it was just an average, girly “omg new haircut” picture. By the way, I think she looked better with longer hair.
The book was a pretty good idea for you. I actually bought Relationship Rewind >< I’m not that kind of person who buys things like this on the internet but I was very afraid right after the break up, I had to grab every chance. But it wasn’t a bad decision overall.
It might sound weird, but if she has negative feelings, it’s much better than having no feelings at all. If she has emotions, you can influence them, but if she is totally insensitive, there’s nothing on which you can make an impact.
I think you shouldn’t talk about the relationship with her. Neither before the meeting, nor at/after the meeting. If you mention it, she will think about the old relationship, which is associated with bad things in her mind, and then she will put up her defenses, and push you away from herself. You have to get really close to her again as a friend, and a soulmate – but not as a lover yet. You have to make her think about something new, associated with the “New You”, the “Better You”, and the good experiences after the break up. But of course, it doesn’t work in a conscious way, she won’t say to herself at a random time that “hmm, there should be a new relationship”. You have to be the one who gives her that feeling. It’s hard to explain but I hope you understand it. It’ like: You don’t have to reignite the old fire, you have to make a new spark.I don’t know whether I should be afraid of that guy or not. They’ve been knowing each other for one or two years, and there was nothing between them. And it would be a long distance relationship as well. Not as much distance as ours was, but still an other LDR. The boy lives in the capital, my ex lives 100km away and 1,5 hours of traveling from him. However, it’s much fewer than ours. We had 250km and 5-6 hours of traveling.
Actually, I don’t know what to think or what to feel. I’m afraid of everything. Especially of this guy.
The situation is so tight and I’m so frustrated. The film shooting will be on next week’s Saturday. I hope it won’t be too late. I have to give the very best of me on that day.
This page and the daily mails say that I should only end NC if I’ve accepted the fact that I might lose her forever. But actually, I absolutely not accepted that. So if the worst possible case happened, I would be at least as broken as I was after the break up. But I have to end NC, because I feel like I’m running out of time. And the risk of end NC is so high. But if the best possible thing happens… I’ll totally think it is worth it. But i can’t see the future unfortunately 🙁
Keep hoping for the best.Stay strong! We have to cope with hard times. Keep fighting for the aim! For her! 🙂
P. S. If you’ll meet with your ex, we’ll both have our “big day” on the same date 😀 (18th).
Ahhhggrr. My s*** computer crashed and my post that I’ve started to type was deleted 🙁 I’ve almost finished it.
I don’t really have a lot of time, so only a really short post for now:
Today I have my birthday. My ex greeted me in the group conversation at night (just right now). The first to greet me was a very close friends of mine, however, the girl that I’ve mentioned that how grateful am I to her, said that she wanted to be the first to greet me but she didn’t manage to stay up until midnight. We have something like a game: we always try to be the very first to greet each other on our birthdays 😀 She was only successful once, and I’ve been successful for 3 years in a row. 😀Aaaand the worst piece of news for today: The video filming was postponed :((((( One more week. One more week of NC. I’ll die. And my ex will meet a suspicious guy on this Friday. The situation is getting tighter and tighter.
I’ll come with a longer post, but maybe only tomorrow.
Keep on fighting guys!!! Don’t give up your dreams, don’t give up on your only one!Ahhhggrr. I know that I always wait a reply before I post something new, but I must write to somewhere, because I feel like my fear and my nerves are eating me up 🙁
My feelings are fluctuating. Sometimes I feel that I have a lot of chance, but in the other hand, sometimes I feel that I’ve already lost her and I have zero chances.As I’ve mentioned, her hobby is writing. She sent me a poem, and asked out my opinion. The most important part of the poem:
“… I’m able to see the two paths in front of me:
One shouts into my ears, that he’s the one I’ve searched, and my emotions want him, and I could live with him in a way what I could be happy again.
The other just calls me, seducing me, because me and him both know, that the solid path is the one without any obstacles and potholes…”
Pretty quick and negligent translation, I know, but… What the fuck does it mean??? Is it something like “An other guy vs. Me?”. I’m afraid as hell. On the other hand, she said before that usually she doesn’t write about her own feelings. The question is that is it about her feelings, or just a fiction?
Ahhhhh. As I’ve said before, just more and more and more and more and more and mooooore questions are getting in my way. It’s getting harder every time. Doesn’t matter. I will fight for her forever.Yeah, make her missing you is the second aim of NC (the first is the changes and improvements in yourself). And to be honest, you’ve realized it a little bit too late. But keep in mind that it’s never too late! 🙂 You still have chances in my opinion.
I think you’ve talked too much with her. She knows that you want to get back together, and that makes you vulnerable in her eyes. You have to accepts that there will be unsaid words and thoughts, and unanswered questions – even if it’s really hard to cope with it. You can’t talk about anything with her, you should make borders and limits. We’ve been broken up for one and a half month, and I’m just having more and more questions. But that NC for you will definitely be advantageous. You may know that I personally prefer long NCs, but the shorter one, until 18th will be good enough.
What you said about new relationship is really really true. Consider the possible reuniting as a new relationship, not as a restart of the old one. If you get back together, it will be funny to say that you had one girlfriend and two relationships 😀My ex sent me a picture a picture of her new hair, on Snapchat. It’s a little bit shorter, and she has a very tiny highlighted part (light brown), so nothing extreme. And yeah, it will be rude to say that, but as I could see it from the picture… Her attempt to lose weight is not really successful >.< Actually, it was the first picture of her since the break up in which I could see her full body. However, she can still melt my heart, and the feeling when I realize that this pretty, beautiful girl is not mine anymore is killing me inside. It’s especially bad when my phone shows up pictures of me and her, in which we’re hugging, making silly faces, etc. (If I open the gallery, it randomly put some pictures to the top) Yes, I should delete these pictures, but there are so many, and whenever I start to select them I must see all of them, and because of it I always end up crying. And I’m also lazy.
Actually, that’s all what happened today. I’ve finalized my changes, and I’ll put them in practice tomorrow in school.
And the nights are very bad for me as well 🙁 I still remember how I walked into my room after showering, and how she waited for me in my bed… Oh my god, the way she looked at me at those nights, when I pulled the blanket onto ourselves and then I lay beside her, and I could see the love, sweetness and sexiness in her eyes…I’ll remember that look forever I think.
I still love her so much and I want to feel these things again soooo badly. But I’m very afraid of how can we get back together. I don’t even know that whether she believes in restart or not. The story of my sister is always in my mind. She was 16 when she started dating with her boyfriend. He was her first love. They were together for one or two years, then they broke up. They were separated for half year. They absolutely didn’t talk to each other. It was something like a half year long NC. And then, the plot twist comes: After that half year, they successfully reunited, and they had their wedding 2 months ago 😀 Ten years passed since the first date, and eight years passed since the reconciliation, now they’re both 26 years old. So I absolutely believe that getting back together can be successful 😀
But, about that wedding… I think I haven’t mentioned it, so, storytime comes again.
There were two things that literally killed me mentally after our break up.
The first is the night after the break up. I’ve said that I was the one who traveled to her city. The break up happened early in the night, okay, no problem with that. I could have reach the last train to my city. But she wanted me to stay!!! She said that she doesn’t want to worry for me, because traveling at late night can be dangerous, etc. (I always traveled with a transfer, so by the time I would have reached my second train, from the capital to my city, it would have been late night).
So, she wanted me to stay there and sleep with her. It was the worst and the most awkward sleeping ever. Imagine that you are sleeping with a girl, in a common bed, and under separated blankets. But that girl is the girl you love so much, and she’s just your ex now! And you can’t even hug or touch her.
I did not sleep at all, of course, I was awake all night. That was the worst suffering in my life. Thoughts, memories and unsaid words were running through my head all night. I was crying and shivering all night. There was one friend of mine, who helped me (on Facebook), but she had to go to sleep at 1 AM, so I was there with no help until 6 AM. I think I’ve mentioned her before. She was the one who helped me through the hardest times, the first days of the break up, and I can’t tell how grateful am I to her. By the way, she will be there at the film shooting, on the weekend.
And yeah, that was the first thing. The second is the wedding. It occurred exactly two days after the break up. She was invited to the wedding, and that would be the time when I would have introduced her to my whole family (except my parents of course, they knew her before). Going to a wedding with a broken heart is bad enough. But imagine that it’s your sister’s wedding, and all of your family members are waiting for your girlfriend, asking questions where is she, why didn’t she come, and you have to answer that she’s sick, because if you tell the truth it would be really embarrassing, and you would end up crying. And what’s more, when my sister walked down the aisles, to her husband, that song was played what was our favorite song with my girlfriend. I know, it sound like a bad movie or a tragedy, but it’s actually happened to me.
Ugghhr. These were the darkest days. She can’t even estimate or guess about how huge pain did she cause to me. It’s like she stabs me with a knife (=break up), then she rolls the knife in my heart (=last night and wedding).
So, yeah… I hope it’s easy to understand why I need a long period of recovery 😀Hi there! 😀
NC is very hard, I know. Especially in the beginning. But use this time as a chance to live your life and improve yourself. Both your personality and your look.
Also keep in mind that if he misses you, he won’t tell it. What’s more, it’ possible that he will say that he doesn’t miss you at all. But it’s a lie. If he ever says things like that, he misses you in the inside, he just doesn’t want to be seen as vulnerable, and he wants to hive the feeling that the break up was absolutely a good decision – however, it might be not.
If you follow the suggestions in this webpage, it’ll be more and more easy to get her back. I’m a very pessimist person unfortunately, so I have to tell you that you have to prepare yourself, because the hardest times are yet to come. Yeah, it will be hard as hell. Coping with NC, try not to think about him, etc… But if you’re successful, and you’ll manage to get your ex back… You’ll think that it definitely worth it! 🙂
Just see the aim in front of yourself. He means a lot for you. There was something wrong in your relationship. You have to improve yourself, became a “Better You”, to be able to reignite that spark.
I wish the bests for you! 🙂P. S. Sorry if this long post was boring ><
The fact that you want her back means that you are in love with her. The fact that you are in love with her means that you’re going crazy. Love can make anyone crazy.
It’s okay that you want to stop contact with her if you won’t get back together. I have a longer plan, but I will do the same. I don’t know what will happen to the group conversation, but maybe I’ll ask her gently to leave it. Even if it’s very rude to do.
Oh, London… I’ve mentioned before that we also planned to travel to London. And in May, there will be a quite hard period, because all of her close friends will go to London, except her, and she isn’t going because of me. I have no idea about in what stage will we be in (concerning the reconciliation), but this situation will definitely go against me.I have a few friends who are girls, but the relationship with my ex started very specially… I won’t tell the whole long story because I would end up really depressed (and also it might be very boring, lol).
What happened today is a “mini war” in the group conversation. We (the whole group) were talking about outside changes (how ironic, what an actual topic!). Whenever I said something about my changing, she also said something about how she is changing ant wants to change, and vice versa as well. I have one example: when I said I’ll try to grow my hair a little bit longer and try out new hairstyles, she said that she wants highlights in her hair. But we did not talk violently or rude, so this mini war was… kind of funny 😀
What’s more, she hasn’t been rude to me for a long time. She acts normal even when I’m not really kind to her.
Tomorrow will be the last day of the spring vacation, so I’ll try to… kind of finalizing the changes in/on myself. Both the changes in the inside and outside. I’m just a step away from the filming on the weekend, I’m really looking forward it. My first big chance 😀 But actually, its date is still insecure. I can only hope that somehow we’ll to manage to schedule it on this weekend and I don’t have to wait one more week to… to show myself 😀No problem 🙂
Damn… She slept with someone else?! If my ex have done it, I would die from the pain I think. Okay, not literally, of course, but that’s something that I don’t even want to imagine.
I think you shouldn’t talk with her about getting back together. You will be vulnerable and weak in her eyes, which is not attractive. And you want to be as attractive as possible to get her back.
According to this page, getting back together should be her idea. But if you have already told her, it doesn’t mean that you’ve lost all the chances. It’s never too late. You just want to make as few mistakes as possible, to get higher and higher chances to get her back.
I think it’s kind of normal that she didn’t talk about it with others. It’s her very private thing, and she is insecure. Or she may lies. That’s rude to consider, but there’s always a possibility that she lies.Be strong! See the aim in front of yourself. And remember that unfortunately, it’s always can be worse. But you have to keep fighting for her whatever happens. It’ll worth it! 😉
For me, nothing suspicious. Except one thing. She was drunk last night. She sent an Instagram picture to the group conversation, with a hashtag that says “#onlygirlsparty”, so… At least, she wasn’t with boys. I have to appreciate little things 😀
Actually, I’m curious about what will she do on my birthday.
Right after the break up, she told me that what would have been my birthday present, because she had said that it will be something very special. She told me that on my birthday, she would have traveled to my city in secret, and greet me after school, at my place, or something like that. She didn’t said that part exactly. What is important, that it’s a huge thing. Travel 5-6 hours in secret, in school time… :/
I hope that I’ll get good presents despite of it 😀Be strong! Looking forward for your new update 🙂
Today was a quite boring day. We talked a little in the group conversation with a good atmosphere. It seems like she is not rude to me anymore. The amount of strange behavior decreased. However, I haven’t left NC actually, in my opinion.
100% NC is impossible due to the group conversation. Those guys there are like my second family, I don’t have the heart to leave them, even temporarily. I think I’ll continue this “kind-of-NC” thing for one more week at least. The biggest changes will happen next week, tanks to the film shooting. Actually, it means that I have one week to make the best of myself for the filming. It’ll be hard work.
I don’t exactly understand what you mean by doing a lot with her, but if you mean that do a lot of things and go to lot of places… Uhm, relatively :/ During the most part of our relationship, it was winter, or really cold. But actually, once we spent a whole day in a park when it was 5 degrees cold 😀
In the summer, we only met 3 times, and these were only one day long meetings.
After that, when there was too cold outside and there were longer meetings, we went to some places, like cafe, cinema, restaurant, stand-up comedy show, etc… So not that much, but we went out sometimes. That’s what I’ve meant by saying “relatively”.
If the break up would not happen, we could say that “The best is yet to come”.About changes, there’s one thing that I think I have not mentioned (but if I did, sorry for repeating myself 😀 ). My ex is changing as well. She told me that she tries to lose weight (however she is not fat, just curvy, and… uhhm, I loved her body :3). I don’t know whether is she successful with it or not, but she has said it several times. And she also changes hairstyle. Sometimes she sends pictures of her on Snapchat (not especially for me, I guess) and I saw that her hairstyle is different than it was. Not very huge changes, but it’s easy to notice.
Basically, I have no idea why she is changing. Deep inside I have a fear that because of an other boy, but a friend of mine told me that maybe she is changing because of me… But I don’t see any logic in this. But who knows, girls are strange sometimes. What I believe is that she is changing because she needs something new after the break up. She did not changed at all during the relationship (just like me).
To be honest, I would be upset if she manages to lose weight. Not because I didn’t like how curvy was she, but because she wanted to lose weight during the relationship as well, and you know… It would be disappointing if she manages to do something without me what she was not able to with me.And what about You? 😀 Are you still talk constantly with your ex?
Does she give any sings or does she say something?Wow, that’s a pretty huge thing! 😀 I mean that she said that, not that she feels that, because I think even my ex misses me sometimes even if she doesn’t say it. But I don’t say it as well, so I’m not expect her to do that. Actually, one month before the break up she said that she doesn’t miss me. That was the very first bad sign. Not exactly with these word, but she meant that. Uhhg. Bad memories coming up…
You definitely have good chances. Just be aware that keep up with chancing and improving yourself, show the “Better You” to her (especially when you’ll met in person) and don’t be too needy or even too kind before the meeting. Don’t be too excited during the meeting, but keep in mind that it’ll be ‘All or nothing’.
To be logical, I think it’s okay to use that one which you used when you first got together. However, it is a part of the “Old You”, to which your ex is no longer attracted. Honestly, I don’t know, but in my opinion you can use that.I will definitely talk with my close friends about her. It’s a part of my plan 😀 But i think they would have told me If they managed to get to know something.
Actually, I feel like the pressure is growing, and the situation is getting tighter and tighter. I’ve noticed that she mentions a boy often – for example, what did they talk about, what ideas did he give to her, and he will also go to an event with her. I’m nervous and afraid as hell, even if I shouldn’t be. It’s a real sign that indicates that I’m simply not able to get over her, not even a little bit. If she will do something “more than friends” thing with that boy, I would be more damaged than I was after the break up.
And the first thing that could help me to get her back is coming later than I expected. A promo film shooting (for a webpage) was scheduled on next week’s weekend, but the date doesn’t fit for one person, so we had to change it to the week after next week. It will be just a short, 5-10 minutes long film in which me and my friends talk about our webpage, but I think it’s a huge opportunity to show the “New Me” to my ex. She will watch the video for sure because she is in the editorial team of that webpage as well (and she was not invited to the film shooting, lol).
She will see the changes in my appearance, and also in my communication: I will be very dynamic, confident, and energetic. I have high hopes. And of course, there’s a chance that it won’t affect anything, but it’s still a huge opportunity and actually, the very first real step on getting her back. By real, I mean a step that she can see. I’m improving myself at the moment as well, but she doesn’t see that.Ahhggh. Times are hard right now. But I’m just about to start my “Big Spiritual Changing”, so… Let’s hope for the best.
In the next days, I’ll also make some attempt on leaving NC. But I don’t know how to do it: get out of NC slowly step-by-step, or immediately out of the blue.
Oh my god, I have so much to plan and think about.
But at least it’s spring vacation by now! 😀I have a story with a shirt as well 😀 At the meeting before the break up, I left my shirt under her pillow. Unfortunately, I don’t know what she did with it, and of course, I don’t think that she wears it. I remember she said how much does she likes to wear my shirts (even pajama shirts).
Oh, and about the smell. I got a little blue box from her, in which I store the letters that she wrote to me. I don’t know what the hell she did to that box, but when I remove the cover of it, I can exactly feel her smell in it very strongly. And yeah, the word “smell” is strange, because I’m talking about good smells of course 😀 (It’s even more confusing for me, because in hungarian, we have two different words for good and bad smell).
And one more thing about smells. I don’t know whether you’re subscribed to the daily emails of this page or not, but the topic of today’s mail was “smells” (what a coincidence!). To sum it up, it says that you should get a new cologne or deodorant before meeting up with her, because your old smell is may associated with bad feelings in her mind. This is a very little thing, but every tiny little change counts if you want to be successful, in my opinion.I really hope that your meeting will be successful! 🙂 In the remaining time, try to change more, and improve yourself as much as you can! Remember, she will have to get the “Better You”. Your situation is getting better, and you are getting more and more chance, but keep in mind that for some reason, she lost the attraction to the man you were. And you really have to think about the other possibility: what if things take a wrong turn, and you don’t get her back? I know, I’m really negative and pessimist, but there’s a chance for that well, you have to prepare yourself. And life is unpredictable. And girls are too. (I don’t know which one is more, lol).
I definitely want to keep NC. But on the other hand, it would be good to talk to her about the break up, and maybe get some answers. But I’m afraid that I’ll only get more questions.
Yeah, I’ll go to some places. But this spring vacation is very short, so I would rather concentrate more on improving myself. But I’ll also have some programs beside it.
Maybe you’re right, and she just goes to these places to have something else in her mind… Maybe, but unfortunately, it’s jut an other question without any solution :/ Maybe she tries to improve herself as well. Or she feels more freedom in herself, and thus she goes to more places… I have absolutely no idea. But sometimes she really goes to somewhere, that’s sure. I know it’s a bad habit, but sometimes I check on Facebook messenger that how long ago was she active (she doesn’t have mobile internet access, so she can be online only at home).
After few weeks since the break up, I’m sure that she was depressed. She stayed up very late in the evening, and one of our common friends told me that she was writing on these evenings, and I know that if she writes a lot, especially in the evening, that’s because of she has some problem (I mean writing poems, short stories, etc., and not writing to someone).P.S. I’ve totally understood what you wrote, as I’ve explained it above 😀
Actually, the blue box which, was mentioned, is in the attic now – with all the other stuff that she gave me – so I can’t do the same thing. But trust me, I can really understand how much does it mean to just smell the other’s shirt 😀 All these little things were so beautiful and so good to do – even if my significant other was far away.It happened, and that’s the only thing that matters, absolutely true! 😀 It must be very good even if it was awkward a little bit.
It is totally easy to understand why you didn’t change during the relationship. Basically, because you didn’t know you should have changed – similarly to my case.
It’s really important – not only at relationships, at the whole life as well – to learn from your mistakes, and not to get to the ground after you’ve made a mistake. Learn from it, improve yourself, become a better and wiser person.
According to my theory, she loved the man who you were, but she lost the attraction. Once she fell in love with you, so why can’t it happen again, but of course, with a “Better You”?
If you decide to talk with her, be aware that you must not be too needy, overly attached or pushy.
Actually, you have good changes of getting her back until your birthday, or get really close to get her back. It would be the best birthday present ever, wouldn’t it? 😀
My birthday will be on 8th April, so I don’t really see a chance to manage to do this :/
I think you shouldn’t give anything to her at her birthday. You’re just friends. Post “Happy Birthday” to her Facebook, like in the case of any other friend of yours. In my opinion, giving something would be a too obvious sign that you want to get her back. And you don’t want her to know that you want to get her back. You would seem vulnerable in her eyes.
And maybe it’s just my radical ideas, but sometimes you have to be a little bit rude. Or, not exactly rude, but… You have to be appear strong and confident, and not too (I mean not overly) kind.Yesterday, there was some happening in my case finally.
She texted me on facebook, in private (we haven’t talked in private for more than two weeks before that). We were talking about a writing, and competitions about it (writing is the hobby of both of us). After that, we started to discuss general topics. We did not mention our relationship and the break up. Actually, we haven’t talked about this since it happened (except the first days), and I don’t know if it’s a bad or good thing.
So, we were had a general conversation, except for two things. First thing: she talked about – again – how much programs does she plan, and to how much events and places will she go. This is not a new thing, she talked about it before too, but I’think it’s worth a mention that it occurred again.
However, the second thing is much more strange. She said the following: “If disappointments happen to someone, it’s very s*** enough, even if the friends try to occupy his mind and help him through” It was a reaction to her own sentence, in which she explains that she has became more active in social life, thus having less time for writing.
And actually, I’m very confused concerning its meaning. I don’t know whether she thought about the break up by saying ‘disappointment’, or not. And basically, I was too afraid to ask that. It would have been very awkward if I had asked her, and she hadn’t thought about the break up by saying this.
I’m really confused about this. It’s not a big deal, I know, but every little thing is important in these times. As I’ve mentioned before, I still don’t know anything about her opinion concerning our relationship and the break up. All I know is that in the first days of the break up, she was very insecure and broken, she didn’t know whether it was the right decision or not, and after a week, I heard from one of our mutual friends that she is said to him that “I’m fine, and I think it was totally the right decision”.
So, to sum up, basically, there are no significant changes, just more and more mysteries. And we talked a little. And I have mixed feelings about it. Actually, the atmosphere of the conversation was good, and there were no awkward moments.“that feeling you get when you haven’t seen your significant Other for a that time.. it’s just.. wow… every first kiss at the trainstation felt nearly as special as the very first kiss when we got together!”
Oh my god, these two feelings… I can truly feel what you’re speaking about 🙂 It was so wonderful. And I get so much pain when I start to think about the fact that I won’t feel it again.
Actually, I had my very first kiss with my ex. I can still remember every tiny moment of that day. It was August, last year, there was a meeting with those guys who are in the mentioned group conversation. Her parents forbidden her to go to this meeting (she has very strict parents), so she had to come in secret, and for this, I had to travel to her city and left alone the others for some hours. It was so adventurous. It was like a scene from a romantic film or a book. And when we finally met, the first kiss happened at the bridge of the train station. And after managing to cope with all these difficulties, that was the point when we both knew that we are meant to be together forever….. Sigh.
Ahh, I don’t want to forget these memories or recall them with a heartache 🙁
(*Okay, boring storytelling ends*)Andi, what you’re saying is very strange, it’s a really difficult situation and unfortunately, I have no personal experiences at all in this, but based on what I have learned from this site, NC is the best choice. I think she has a good and fun time with you because she still loves you as a friend. And actually, it’s a pretty good thing – not just in general, but also in the process of getting her back. But you want her as a girlfriend, not just a friend. I haven’t tried it, but I think I could talk with my ex like this (having a good time and have a lot of fun together), I just took the NC too seriously.
I can truly understand that you want to meet with her. If you decide to do this, and nothing will happen – I mean you won’t get her back – you must continue NC. And if you get her back… Well, it would be surprisingly fast, and basically, in that case, you won 😀
“she said that there is just not enough love for me in her for a relationship”
That’s the main problem. And that’s why NC exists. You can’t get back her back if she doesn’t have enough love for you. The aim of NC is to make a perfect plan how to get her back, and to make yourself a better man, who she can love again – and maybe forever.
Remember that she still loves you more than a friend. Not as much as in the relationship, but feelings couldn’t be erased so easily, even if they have faded. Because they have faded a lot for sure – basically, that’s why the break up happened. It’s so hard to explain and express. Both of you are in a very strange and new situation now, right after a break up, and keep in mind that she is broken too!
Well, whatever you’ll decide to do (meet with her or not), good luck! 😀I’m glad that you had a great time with your ex 😀 It’s nice to hear that you can talk about things like that in a very calm and friendly way. Actually, I haven’t talked about this kind of topics with my ex since we broke up (1 month 1 week ago).
But be careful, because basically, you’ve broken the NC with this. Of course it’s not a problem since it happened only once, but if you really want to get her back, you must keep a strict NC – even if you had a great time and a lot of fun. The aim is to get her back as a lover, not as a friend.
It’s also not a problem that you’ve told her what are you doing. At least she won’t be mad at you if you don’t reply sometimes. But as I’ve said before, I think sometimes you can give short answers if you want to, it doesn’t count as a violation of NC.
Also be aware that she shouldn’t know what is your final aim (getting her back).
But actually, it’s a pretty good sign that you could have a great fun time together 😀
And I’ll keep you updated for sure, also looking forward your updates! 😀Hi there! 😀
Distance between Germany and USA is pretty much 😮 It would be hard to cope with it. But I don’t understand why he decided like this after 5 years. It’s a lot of time, you must have been really close to each other.
I think if you’re committed enough, you can keep a good LDR with this huge distance too.
According to my experiences, a LDR has its ups and downs. Sometimes we were proud how well can we cope with distance, but in the other hand, there were times when it was extremely bad that we couldn’t be next to each other. Between me and my ex, there were 5 hours of traveling and 250 kilometers.
And answering your first question, we were together for 7 months.
Best wishes for you as well!
