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Andy
First, I would like to apologize for being inactive for so long, but lot of things happened in the past weeks. And what’s more, when I wanted to write a post there in the evening – as I always did before – someone or something always came into my way 😐
Whatever, I think you’re not interested in the excuses, but in what happened 😀So, I try to sum up everything shortly.
It all started on 12th July. But not last year, when me and my ex started to date. It was this year’s 12th July, the date of our “anniversary”. I was on holiday as I’ve said, and my ex… well, she was drunk as hell. Yes, this is an obvious sign that she is not 100% over me, but it’s not that surprising, because 1) it’s not the only sign 2) I would have done the same if I were not on a holiday with my parents (Croatia was beautiful by the way).
She wrote a lot of stupid things to the group chat while she was drunk. And not funny stupid things – awkward and disturbing stupid things. She said several times how drunk she is and that she has never been so drunk. Which is false, because some year ago she had an accident: one of her friends made her so drunk that she even had to go to the hospital (I mean not she went there, someone took her to the hospital because she would have been not able to go by herself). While we were dating she said she will never be drunk again because of it. Well… She violated this plan many times.
So, back to the story. The peak was when she sent a video of herself and her friends saying random four-letter words and shouting things that no one could understand.
At this point, I’ve decided that no matter what consequences will it have, but I’ll write her a long message, in which I tell her nicely how fkin irritating is she.
So in the morning I’ve sent the message. I think I was very diplomatic but honest at the same time. At first she believed that I’m not telling the truth, and it’s only me who has problems with her. But I showed her some sreenshots of private conversations with the others from the group chat.
Of course, it’s easy to guess: she was nervous and angry as hell! But I can understand that. I think I’ve managed to stay calm during the whole conversation.
To be honest, I really hoped that she will leave the group and I won’t see her again in my life.
That day was very tiring, I’ve talked with a lot of people, but by the end of the day, she promised that she will change her behavior, and she offered “peace” to me (I don’t know what’s the right expression). After this, I was not active on the group chat because I wanted to enjoy the remaining part of my holiday.
But I talked with some people in private. I think I’ve mentioned in some of my previous posts that there are some new members in the group chat. I’ve chatted with one of them, and you know… New guys are more likely to tell you more things, cause they are a little bit awe due to the fact that they are the “new ones”. So she told me that she had a long conversation with my ex, and she knows about our past, and my ex told her that she actually really wanted to leave the group because of me some months after the break up.
You know, my ex always said that she is totally over me, she is living her life… And actually, I always knew that it’s not true, but it felt really good to finally get some verification! This new girl doesn’t even have a guess how much she helped me.When I came home from the holiday, right after the day I arrived home, I went to the fan meeting of my best friend. Aaand it was much better than I expected! And not because of her. Of course, everyone was there because of her, but she was busy, she couldn’t be everywhere always. The community was really good, I’ve found some new friends. And a good friend of mine met his current girlfriend there! 😀 They met for the very first time in the morning of that day, and when the meeting ended they walked home holding each others’ hand. I don’t really believe in falling in love for the first glance, but I’m keen on what will happen between them 😀 This guy is a really close friend of my (let’s say he is my second best friend) and he was the one with who I’ve talked a lot about relationship related stuffs, because we had our last relationship at the same time (his was shorter by the way).
I did not expect that this will be so meaningful for me. I’ve got to know that I’m open enough to meet with new people and to communicate with them, and to make new friends. I would have not been able to do that before the break up I’m sure.
One more thing that surprised me is that my best friend hugged me and petted me a lot. She is a kind of that who is really hungry for love, but she has not done these things with me so often before. But I’m not complaining at all, it felt good 😀
I spent the next week with worrying about the new meeting with my ex, cause on last Sunday, we had the meeting for the group. Yes, I’ve spent a whole day with my ex. And I’m still alive!!! 😀
Actually, the whole day was strange. I don’t have the feeling of an average meeting. By average, I mean… there were 3 big meetings before, so there is not really ‘average’, but you know… 😀 But I think that’s due to the fact that we, the people in the group, have got familiar with each others’ physical presence too much, so there is no such feeling that “oh my good, we only know each other from internet and we barely see each other”. Actually, it was the third time that I’ve met with my best friend and with the “second-best friend” guy only in this month, so there might be some truth in it 😀
And the meeting, concerning my ex… Well, not so many things happened at the meeting itself, I treated her like an average member of the group. But after the meeting… I’m still surprised, because our relationship improved a lot. I no longer feel the pain (only if I think about it deeply), I don’t find her irritating and annoying, and we can talk more easily.
I’ve got to know that she is in love with a boy from her city – but the boy is not in love with her. I don’t know if is it just a “rebound love”, or she might be able to fall in love 4-5 months after our break up.
And well, concerning our romance… At this point, I’m definitely don’t want to get back together with her. I mean totally 0% chance. As I’ve told you, one year later we’ll both live in the capital, so distance would be an obstacle no more, but… 1) it’s pretty far away. You can’t imagine how many things can happen during one year. 2) I’m not refusing it, but even if we would be neighbours right now or 1 year later, getting back together is not a plan of mine.
But we can’t say anything for sure. Everything could happen and everything could turn around at a glance 😀 Just remember my friend who got a romance from one day to an other 😀Well… That was not short. But at least I’ve managed to summarize things. And I’m pretty sure that something is missing. However, I’ll write it in a further post.
How do you feel about your ex? Do you still want to get her back? And can you keep no contact? Tell me if any interesting or unusual thing has happened! 😀
Hi there! 😀
In what have you lied to him? Is it something serious or just a hilarious misunderstanding?
Don’t be too needy, don’t text him too much. It will only make things worse. He’ll find you irritating. If he really likes you, he will keep up the contact in some way.
Wish you the bests!(lol. That’s awkward. My notebook did not show the previous posts in this topic and I’ve forgot that I’ve already told you these things. No comment… XD )
Oookay, I’m gonna break my promise >< I think I’ll write a long post on Sunday, in whick I’ll react to your case, and also tell you a lot of news. Because a very many things happened! (And what’s more, it would be really exhausting to type a longer post from this old notebook).
I’m going to arrive home on Friday, but on Saturday I’m going to the “fan meeting” of my best friend (reminder: she is a YouTuber). Of course, I’m much more than just a fan of her, but any friend of her is welcomed as well 😀If you visit this forum, you can tell me some news till then 🙂
Aaaaand I’ll break my promise ><
Tons of things happened. Yeah, in connection with my ex. It’ really slow to type from this old notebook, but I’ll tell you everything on Sunday! (I’m about to arrive home at Friday, but on Saturday my best friend will have a “fan meeting” (reminder: she is a YouTuber) and I’ll attend that. Of course I’m not or not just a fan, but any friend of hers are welcome as well 😀 ).
And I’ll react to your case as well, of course! 😉Have a great summer till then!
It’s me again, this time from Croatia – I’ve succesfully arrived 😀
And I don’t have english spelling checker on this notebook, so I’m sorry for my mistakes.So… Yeah. It’s 12th July. Strange. Very very strange to think about where were I a year ago and how far I’ve got for today. Now I’m in a hotel room with my parents, laying on a double bed alone, and beside me should lay that girl with who I’ve started a beautiful and romantic relationship exactly one year ago. Everything was so perfect… But I think I don’t have to describe because you may know this feeling.
So where were I one year ago?
Walking home after a long day and after a long train traveling. My soul was empty and overflowing at the same time. I’ve just left my girlfriend at the station, and I were already really missing her, but at the same time, I was full of positive feelings. And it’s not only because I’ve got my first girlfriend, but every little thing was perfect around that day, I got positive energies from everywhere (that’s why I used the word overflowing). It seems like it was destined to happen. Of course I don’t believe that much in these mystical things, but I must express myself somehow.
And now, here I am – I’ve changed a lot, I’ve improved a lot, I’ve stared a lot of new things, I’ve became better at lot of things… I’m here, with a better myself – without that girl who was everything to me.
From July to February, my life was the same. Happy, but always the same. The meetings with my girlfriends were the peaks of this happiness. And concerning a time period around last July, August and September, I’m not only talking about myself. My best friend had her boyfriend, an other really good friend of my had her girlfriend (also a ldr). Recalling these times, I always find myself asking why did these days have to pass and fade away, while everything was so perfect? I’m not saying that I’m not happy now, but these days were so idyllic.
Okay, that might be so boring for you, but I had to sum up things for myself.Well, a lot of people have told me that why is it better to have an experienced partner… But I just simply can’t understand that. In my opinion, having sex with someone is much meaningful if you do it for the first time. And if you have a partner who had done it with someone else, you might have a feeling that it’s less meaningful to them than it is to you.
And I would also find it a bit disguisting that if my partner has had sex with someone else before me. I know, concerning these topics, I’m totally weird. It was also a bad feeling for me that my ex had her first kiss with an other boy 4-5 years ago (I had my first with her). So… Sorry, but you can’t convince me 😀Haha, my best friend is really just a best friend 😀 And remember, I told you that I was in love with her about 1,5 years ago 😛
Our relationship? Well, it’s changing. Sometimes we talk really often, and during the whole day, but sometimes we don’t say a word to each other for a week (maybe only in the group chat). But we are really close to each other I think. Concerning my side, she is the person who knows the most about me (since the break up, even more than my ex).
I don’t exactly know how to imagine a relationship with her. But to be honest, I would be interested. I’ve mentioned that she is a really pretty and nice girl, and we are best friends, so we can really understand each other, and at the same time we can talk about silly things and laugh a lot 😀 So the basics are given.
By the way, it would be an other long distance relationship, so it’s a disadvantage. But I’ve told you that next year I’ll move to the capital, and she lives nearby the capital in a sorrounding city (strange case, I don’t know the english word for these cities but I know that in german it’s Vorort 😀 ).
Anyway, these were just theories, I’m totally okay with having a frienship with her, and I don’t want more.And now I’m in trouble. My father wants to borrow the notebook. Sorry >< I’ll reply to your post about your case and write down a few more things as soon as possible!
Huh, I’m here again with the news.
The “big day” (4th July) was terrible!!! As I’ve said, my ex decided to go just two days before the event. And not only she wanted to do interviews – she wanted to do interviews instead of me! At first, she wanted to convince my best friend about it, and she said things to her like I’m too shy, I would not be able to do that. Of course, my best friend told me everything, and I was shocked.
When both my best friend and I refused the idea of my ex, she was freaking out that what the hell are we thinking that we left her out of everything and etc. At first, what everything? I can’t understand her. That’s the only thing that she has missed. And to be honest, we would have involved her, but she told this idea just two days before the event, so we couldn’t really do anything.
It’s extremely annoying that she wants to be involved in everything and she wants to be around everything. She has to understand that the world is not spinning around her!
These last few sentences were said by my best friend, and not by me, but actually I think the same. And I’m getting more and more confidence now that I know that I’m not the only one who finds her irritating.
And why was that day was really terrible?
Because we didn’t do the interviews in the end -.-
I think I don’t need to tell what my ex reacted to this.
As I’ve told you, my best friend is a YouTuber, and she would have been the one in the team who would have invited other YouTubers for interview. She called me and the other guy 2 times via phone. At the first time, we were having lunch at a reastaurant nearby, and at the second time, we were making a mini video about the event, so we were busy. After that we called her, and she told me that she is not available, and it’s too late now because almost half of the YouTubers have already went home, which was strange because half of the event was remaining. She was really angry and really crossed at me. It was a very bad feeling because we have never had a quarrel or anything before 🙁
There was a time when it seemed like there is still chance for interviews at the end of the event. The event was about to finish at 7 PM, and my concert started at 8 PM, so… Close, I know, but we still had the chance. There was only one “tiny” problem: the event ended at 8:15 PM in fact… I had to left at 7:15 PM because I did not want to miss the concert of course (the other guy left even before me because of his last train (I slept in a hotel on that night)).
Before I left, I called my best friend because I wanted to say goodbye to her, and to tell her how sorry am I. She hugged me like three times, and she said she is not angry at me, she is just really frustrated because of the event (however, I believe that she was angry, she just didn’t say it). Then we said goodbye, and I ran rapidly to the scene of the concert 😀Despite all of these miserable things, the event itself was great, and the concert as well.
And beside all of the mentioned part of the events, there is still one more about which I haven’t talked about: meeting my ex for the first time after the break up!
Shortly: it was okay. Okay, I mean, it was good. We were not together for a long time, I went everywhere with the other guy, but we met sometimes, and if it happaned, we talked a little. I expected it to be awkward, but she was just simply irritating in real life as well, just like on the internet 😀
The feeling when I saw her… Well… Very strange. I mean, very very very veeeeery strange. I’m sitting here for 5 minutes now, and I can’t find the words. I saw the pretty face that I loved so much, the beautiful big eyes into which I loved to stare, the mouth that I kissed so many times with so much emotions, the body that I saw naked in a really erotic situation, and well… She did not changed a lot on the outside. To be honest, she did not changed at all. Still I felt like she is totally different. Her face was not so pretty that it used to be, her eyes were not so beautiful and I did not felt like I would stare into them for hours, and her mouth was just an average mouth, but I know how much I loved to kiss it. So basically, yeah… It was really strange. I knew during the whole time while she was with us during the event that she is the girl, she is the girl who was my only one, one was the most special person in my life, she was the one with who I felt myself loved, I kissed, hugged and cuddled with, but now, I can’t do anything with her, she is just an averaga girl. Most weird feeling I’ve ever felt.
In the weeks before that day I felt like I’m finally getting over her, and I’m fine again, but this day… Eeeeh. I’ve got the “down period” again. A really really down period. I think about her very often. And I don’t know why, but the intimate part of our relationship comes to my mind very often. She was the first intimate partner of mine, and I was the first of hers as well. We discovered each other, and she is the first with who I experienced this in my life, and I just can’t imagine it doing with someone else. And it’s so bad that we stopped there, in “half way” – I’ve mentioned that we did not have sex, but we had petting. And I don’t know why, but I get bad feelings when it comes to my mind that she will have her first sex with someone else. And my fear is that my future girlfriend will be more experienced in these fields than me. Anyways, these are my little stupid things 😀To make things worse, the “1 year aniversary” is coming (12th July). Tomorrow I’m going to travel to Croatia with my family, and my ex was about to go with us when we were together, and we planned to celebrate our first aniversary in Croatia at some exotic place.
Jumping back to the previous topic: my best friends told me that my ex told her how excited and afraid she is because of the meeting with me. Hmm… I don’t know what to think about it.
After that day, I talked a lot both with my best friend and both with my ex.
With my best friend, we found out that my ex was freaked out because during our relationship, she was the first person who knew every little ideas and plans of mine, and now, her role has changed, and this came to the surface because of this interview thing (because it was my idea, and she hasn’t knew about it).
When I told this to my ex, she said she is really hurt now. I don’t remember what I wrote to her, but it was something like: “that’s life. You are neither the center of the world, nor my life”. After that, she repeated that she is hurt really deeply now by this. I did not reacted anything, but I told myself that it’s okay, even though I feel a little sorry for her, she should learn through pain if I have really hurt her.
Then she said that she was only depressed for some days after the break up (I doubt it!), and she said some other thigns like this, and after that she became irritating so I stopped talking with her 😀
My best friend is at a camp right now, and she doesn’t have internet access, but when she comes home, I really want to discuss these things with her.In the last 2 days, I had very strange dreams. On the day before yesterday, in my dream I was with my ex, laying on a bed. We were in a bedroom in my house – but now this room is a “gym room”, it was the bedroom of my parents like 5-6 years ago. All that I remember from this dream is that she did not really want to kiss or cuddle or anything, then she made some noise for some reason, and then my parents came in from the other room, and I can’t recall what happened after it. By the way, that bedroom in which we were laying was the former bedroom of my parents, and in my dream, they were coming from the place of their current bedroom.
In my next dream, I was laying on a bed – again -, and this time, it in was the current bedroom of my parents. And I was not with my ex – I was with my best friend (just for remimder: she is a girl, haha 😀 ) !
We were laying very close to each other. I don’t know what we were exactly doing, we were just talking I guess. But after we stopped talking, we looked into each others eyes really deeply for 5 seconds (I don’t know why, but I exactly know that it was 5 seconds), then she kissed me on my face, really close to my mouth. After that, I wanted to kiss her (on her mouth), but the dream ended.
I think I don’t have to say, but when I woke up, I was like… what the hell my dreams are wanting from me?! I don’t really believe in things like seeing the future, but three times something that I’ve dreamed happened in real life after at least 1 or 2 months (one of them was the break up). Anyways, these are just dreams. But still very strange, and somehow scary.About your dreams… They might be the worst things in your situation :/ You try to avoid her all the time, but she appears in your dream even if you don’t want. A lot of poeple say “try to concentrate on remembering the good things”. I think those who say this never had a real break up. Every little good memory and good feeling from a past relationship could be a huge pain at the same time. It’s a fact that a memory is good, but you know that it’s the past, it won’t happen again, and that’s why the pain is bigger.
Whatever… Try to occupy yourself, at least when you’re awake. I know it’s hard, and you know it too, but remember: once you’ve alredy managed to get very separated from her and from your feelings towards her.A fast solution if you don’t want to see her on the top of the chat bar: on the bottom right part of your screen, click on the gear wheel, then click ‘Advanced Settings’ (second option from the top), and tick ‘Turn off the chat for some friends’, and then write there the name of your ex. It’s not blocking her, it’s just being “invisible” for her. She can’t see when you’re online, and you won’t see when she is online as well, and she will also disappear from the chat bar. It worked for me, because I had the same problem 😀
Oh my god, that tailbone surgery sounds horrible 😮 I have problems with my backbone, but I really hope I won’t need any sugery. Are you doing better now?
Breaking news!!! I’m shocked!
My ex will go to the event on this Saturday! 🙁 I’m terrified. It could be the best day in my summer because of the YouTuber event thing and the concert, and now there are high chances that my ex will spoil it.
I can’t stand her. I just simply don’t want to see her. I don’t know what to do. I was already very excited about this event because this time I will make interviews with some YouTubers, and you know, I’m a kind of shy guy, so it’ll be a little difficult for me 😀
For you, what have you felt when you first saw her after the break up? And what did you so? For example, how did you greet her? Because I always greet the girls from this group with a hug (the girl who is my best friend sometimes even gives me a kiss on the cheek), but I don’t know what to do with my ex, because last time when the break up happened we did not even hug each other.Huh. I’ll reply to your message soon, but I had to write down what happened 😀
Unfortunately, I can’t kick her her out from the chat. It’s not that simple. But I will take steps in order to remove her. Maybe I won’t be successful, but… I don’t like what she is doing, and the point is that I’m not alone with that! I know two people (beside me) who find her really irritating, and one or two who are somehow okay with her but they also realized the same thing.
In the last few days, I’ve talked with other people from the group chat about this situation, and we discussed if we will ever make some gathering in the future, we would not invite her. The meeting on 26th July is a big one, and she already know about it, so unfortunately we can’t exclude her.
At the moment, I just fear that there will be something wrong during the meeting. I mean, something wrong between me and her. You know, I haven’t seen her for almost half a year! And I don’t know what “wrong” could happen, but maybe some bad feelings, or some minor conflicts… These meetings are such a good experience, I don’t want it to be spoiled because of her.Have you totally stopped talking with your ex, or do you still text each other sometimes? 🙂
It’s totally your decision, but I would recommend not to be “just friends”. Of course, you can have a good relationship, and you can talk rarely, but not like you used to. I think it would be bad for both of you.
The metaphor with the cubes and the liquid is really good! 😀
Now, you have a summer in front of you. Make the most if it! It doesn’t matter if you don’t go to parties everyday – just be yourself, and try to find happiness in some ways 🙂 And about your ex… Just remember: if there is one thing in the universe that is full of unexpected things, it is the human life. Literally, anything could happen!And, well, about my ex… Today was the first day when I called her “a bitch”. Of course, not anywhere in public (I mean group chat, etc.), but when I mentioned her in my mind I’ve said that.
It turned out that last night she slept with two boys. Actually, “it turned out” is definitely not the right expression, because she herself boasted with it on the chat. And as I’ve mentioned yesterday, that was the point when the girl, my best friend texted me, and we started to talk about my ex. We both think that she changed in a very bad way since the break up. She boasts with how many things she does, how well it is going for her, and when she is not boasting, she is complaining about something. So basically, we said that we both find her very irritating. And what’s more, this girl talked with an other girl from the group recently, and she said the same! You know that I thought I am the only one who finds my ex irritating, and I thought it was because of my special situation with her, but now it’s a really good and powerful feeling to know that I’m not the only one. Tomorrow I’ll talk with two boys about it.
One other thing: Today I visited the ask.fm profile of this girl (my best friend), but for no reason at all, I was just bored, and because she is a YouTuber, she gets a lot of questions from her fans and friends, so I though I may find something interesting. Well, I’ve found: there was a question, asking “If you could only talk with one person in the remaining part of your life, who would he or she be?”. At first, I was like “meh, I don’t know who the hell he/she is”, because in the first some paragraphs (yeah, paragraphs – she gave a really long reply) she talked about people who I don’t know. But in the last paragraph, she said: “But despite of all these great people, I would like to emerge one, who really helps me in the hardest times, and really showed me who are my real friends [=people from the group chat], and I am very grateful to him…” And it was me! You know, I don’t really have a lot of friends, but she is kind of famous, knows very many people, and… she still answered that! I was like “wow!”, it was very heart-warming to read that!So, to sum up, I think I’m going to let my ex go and… well, live her bitch-like life 😀
It’s a pity that she changed in this way. We could have been a beautiful couple. Anyway, she has her own life, and I have my own life as well, and maybe I’m not happy with it always, but I appreciate what I’ve got and what I have, and I can only dream about high hopes for the future.I truly agree with your decision. If you think you are fine with it, then do it. Maybe during the time you let your ex live her happy life, you will find someone “better”. Using this word is strange, because we can’t compare people to each other, and it may seem impossible to you to find someone who is better than your ex. But as one of my friend says, only a new relationship can completely erase the pain from a previous one.
But who knows, maybe you two will reunite in the future, as it was planned 😀Hmm. To me, strange things happened in these days. I wrote several times before that what I think about my ex: that she is irritating, annoying, etc. I thought I am the only one who thinks that, because of my strange relationship with her… But I was really surprised when it turned out that I was wrong! Tonight, the girl, my best friend texted me, and told me that “I don’t know about you, but I find her (=my ex) really irritating. She is constantly talking about how good is her life, how many boy friends does she have and etc”. It was a very good feeling to find out that it’s not only for me. In the following days, I’ll ask other members from the group chat. I’m curious.
I don’t know what will happen. I’m going further and further from her, but I’m still suffering. Can I be honest? At this point, I feel that the best would be to kick her hell out of the group and to never see her again in my life.
But who knows. Life is always strange. Something unexpected turn could happen at any time. Maybe we will be a perfect couple again. An even more perfect one that we used to be. But it won’t happen tomorrow or today…Looking forward your longer post! 🙂
So, I’m here again with a longer post! 😀
Now, it is confirmed that I’ll go to the youtuber-thing event and to the concert as well :3 I’ve got the tickets for both. At the event I’ll be with the boy and the girl (best friend) with who I made the film in April, and to the concert I’ll go with my classmate, and after these I’ll sleep at my sister’s place. And no, the girl doesn’t have videos in english 😀 I don’t know how it happens in other countries, but here, YouTubers only make videos in native language.
Few days ago, I had a conflict with my ex. There is a recruit for the group of writers, we are looking for new members. I sent out some questions to the people who may be the new members. When I told the group what questions I’ve sent out, my ex said things like “this one is shit”, “that one is stupid and useless”. After that I made a ‘rage quit’ from the chat, then of course, a few seconds later an other member of the chat took me back. After that my ex said that I am childish because I’m escaping, but then the others (2-3 people) told her that she is the one who is childish. Later I explained that even though some questions were not written in the best possible way, it’s very bad to hear these offenses, and she could have written it in a much more cultured way. She did not really replied anything.
However, after this everything was fine again. We usually have a good time while we are talking with each other on the group chat – but actually we do not talk too much, only sometimes. Today she even asked me to say my opinion about her writing… because I’m always honest to her, she said. Hmm.
About the other guy – who may love my ex – there’s nothing new. Haha, I’m sure that he is attracted to girls 😀 And no, he hasn’t had girlfriend yet.
Actually, nothing more happened recently. My ex is at a camp right now, but she has internet access, and I don’t really have any programs until July 4th.You’ve said in one of your previous post that your ex told you that she is uncertain about the idea that you should visit him. The reason for this is very simple: she is afraid of getting too close to you emotionally again. She is building bricks around herself again. She wants you as a friend, as someone to lean on, so she loves to talk with you about everyday topics, but at the same time, she doesn’t let you closer, cause she still has feelings for you (you may have known that before but it’s an other obvious sign).
At the moment, she thinks that there is a competition for her. And the truth is that she is right. Both the other guy and you want her. She is in a very hard situation, she has lot of feelings and she is totally confused, but at the same time, she is really in a comfortable state. Just imagine it for yourself: two pretty girls want at the same time, and they even travel to an other country to see you! Well, I’m sure it’s really good, but unfortunately it’s not your case 😀 What you have to do with your ex is to win the competition out of the competition. I mean, you don’t have to prove that you are better than the other guy, instead of it you have to prove that you are the only one good choice for her and she shouldn’t even consider any other possibilities!
During the time you are with her, try not to be pushy, and try to make her feel herself comfortable beside you. Don’t try to recall the feeling that was present in the relationship, because she will associate it with the break up, which will summon bad feelings in her. Instead, try to make an atmosphere for a new relationship. She has to think that “how good it would be to have a relationship with the NEW himself”.Curious to see how things are going in London! 😀
I`ve planned to wirte today but something happened to my computer ;-;
Maybe your ex says that, but it doesn’t mean that it is true. She just wants to somehow express how uncertain she is. And how the hell could she tell you such strong things if she is so uncertain and insecure? Remember that she doesn’t really know what to do, and what she is doing right now, you’ve seen the signs.
You are definitely not a bad person. It’s natural that you want to see them falling. And I think it’s a common thing in break ups. It’s like a competition. You want to see that your ex is not doing well without you, you wish her everything nice but at the same time, deep inside you want to see that she is falling down because she doesn’t have you.I hope that tomorrow I can come with a longer post 🙂
I’m here again! 😀
It’s definitely good that you can make her being confused. If she wasn’t confused, she would have already chosen the other guy. It means that she is still considering you as an option. The problem is that this state won’t last forever. I think you don’t only have to show her that you’re better than the other guy, but you also have to make her realize that you are the only one right man for her.
By needy, I mean that you want to give too much to her, e.g. you talk about the relationship too often, and in return, you want her to do this as well, and you want her to want the relationship just like you do – but it will leave you with negative feelings. It’s a natural human response that you also want to get those given feelings back. It’ll make you vulnerable, and it’ll make her secure, cause she know that you very like her.
Hmm. To be honest, I’ve never admired my ex – but it’s a really good thing that you do yours! I always loved her as a person, as a human being, and always respected her a lot, but this kind of admiring never happened. You said that whatever she does you admire it, as long as she likes it – I myself kind of disrespected her when she went out to a party that was not really appealing to me, or drunk alcohol, even when we were in relationship.
Posters are great to decorate a room! 😀 Recently I’ve not only changed myself, I’ve also made changes in my room, and the main part of these changes are posters. Just like you, I have absolutely no posters at all before.
Finally, a decision was made about the exact date of the meeting: July 26th. Well, that’s not what I’ve expected. And I won’t see my ex before that, because it seems there will be no party. It’s a long time, and I fear that my ex will find someone else until the meeting.
And about the date, July 26th… Well, 2 years ago the very first meeting with this group happened exactly on July 26th as well. It was like the best day in my life, and thus I don’t want to link any bad emotions to this date just because my ex – cause I still don’t know what to expect. I’ll see her after half year. I’ve changed a lot, she’s changed a lot. But I still have bad feelings for her, coming from the break up, and I still like her somehow. Well, to be more accurate: I feel like I want to like and love love again, because she is my soulmate, even though I find her to be annoying recently.
So, I’m afraid of the feelings that may come during the meeting, despite the fact that now I feel that I can easily be around her without any pain. But being in a situation is very different from just imagining it.My ex started to do strange things on the group chat again. She invited the members of the group for a drinking in a camping. It would sound good, but 1) not with my ex 2) this is not that kind group which is really into these things. Only some people may go.
She also invited us to her house (for two days, actually). She mentioned that she would cook a traditional hungarian food (no english word for it, so here’s a picture http://erdely.ma/ujkepek/2013/10/nagy/1380719097_9569.jpg). This is my favorite food, and she must know that: once we were in a Christmas fair, and we were looking for a place where we could get one for me, and we were searching for almost one hour 😀 (We also had to wait an other 10-15 minutes in the queue -,-). I remember how we were sitting on a bench in the middle of the fair, and she watched me while I was eating. And during that, the snow started to fall. It was so romantic. Everything was so beautiful with her. Not perfect, because I had problems, just like now, but recalling that time period, it seems like those problems were so tiny.
So bad that I only have memories with her from autumn and winter.She stopped sending me pictures again. And answering your question, no, there was no difference between the pictures, just average pictures of herself.
The camp will be in connection with literature, and writing, but basically, there will be a lot of other things 😀On July 4th, there is an other event, similar to the one where I was after the filming in April (video games, things in connection with internet, youtubers, fantasy things, etc.), and of course, it was planned that I would go with her. Now, I will go with the other girl (best friend). She is a YouTuber, and this event put a lot of emphasize on youtubrs, so she won’t be just a simple guest, so it will be interesting 😀
It will be a very busy day, because right after this daylong event, I’ll go to a concert at night, and after that I have to go to my sister’s house and sleep there cause the concert ends very late, and there are no more trains at that time.I have a strange theory. I think that one guy from the group chat is in love with my ex. He had some strange and weird words to her before, but yesterday he told me that he feels like he is in love with someone, but for almost one year – he did not tell the person, but If I had to guess, I would definitely say my ex. It’s really bad to see it, because this guy is a really good friend of mine, and he lives even further from my ex than me.
Other clues that he loves her: When I talked with him before the first meeting with my ex, and I told him that we may be a couple after the meeting, he was neutral as hell, he showed no emotion at all. He said, “that’ okay”, “I could see it coming”, “good for you”, and things like that. During the relationship, he did not really said anything about us. And when the break up happened, he was very rude to me. Hmm-hmm.*camp. I misspelled the word in the last sentence 😀
So, I continue.
I find it very strange that your ex wants to keep close contact both with him and with you. If I were you, maybe I would try an NC, because due to that she would know how bad it is without you. But with this, there is a really dangerous thing: at first, you have to be sure that she is really really happy with you right now, because if she is not, then she won’t have bad feelings because you don’t talk to her, and she will spend more fun time with the other guy. However, if she thinks she is well-treated beside you, and you cut the contact, then she will realize how bad it is to miss you.
But I know, this solution may not work for you now, it was just a little thinking. But something like this should be possible after a time, if things won’t really change.
I know that it’s one of the worst things to hear now, but you should let the things flow for a little while. Now you’re in a transitional period, you are in between the school time and the summer. When summer finally comes, there’s a change in everybody’s mind and attitude – it’s easy to understand, because there a little difference between spending a half day in school while studying in the other half, and endless freetime 😀 (Maybe not totally endless but after school it feels like it is actually endless).
All you can do now is trying to keep your mind clear and clean, and think rationally. You have strong feelings, but you should listen to your brain more than to your heart. Feelings are not enough now – you have to strategize.The break up of a close friend is definitely influences the person’s view on relationships. Especially if it’s a really strong friendship.
But we unfortunately couldn’t tell in what way. You should ask your ex about it if you have a chance or if you want to.
I don’t know if I’ve already told it or not, but the best friend (girl) of my ex broke up with her boyfriend one month before our break up. And I’ve told you that one month before the break up I had already had a feeling that something is not okay with us. I definitely think that it influenced my ex in a way that breaking up is right. Okay, maybe it was not like a main reason, but it did some effect, I’m sure.
What’s more, my best friend (the girl I’ve mentioned in the previous posts) broke up with her boyfriend when I was in relationship with my ex. It was a relatively good time in our relationship, so of course it did not bring break up feelings and ideas to my mind, but it had a huge impression on me (by the way, I did not considered her as my best friend by that time. Hmm, I feel bad for not helping her after her break up as much as she did after mine).You’re lucky that you like her new personality. Because as I’ve said, I don’t like my ex’s >< And it just gives me more confusion. She drinks regularly, however, she was very anti-alcoholic before. She boasts with her things on the group chat often, and she also complains too much. Despite all of these, she is very friendly with me recently. We talk more on the group chat, and I’ve told you what happened in private in the previous post. She even asked me on the group chat to draw a dragon with my tablet 😀 She is madly into dragons. One wall in her room is full of drawings of dragons which she got from her friends. There are some very weak ones, but some of them are just… wow. I remember how I stared and admired those when I was at her room.
And about the camp: she said that her mom let her attend that easily, however, she always opposes these things. Of course, in most cases my ex manages to go to everywhere, but her mom always tries to hold her back 😀 I don’t know what to expect from this, it has been a really long time ago when I was at a camp for the last time – and of course, a person like her was not there.
Actually, I have a lot of things from which I don’t know what to expect. The party, the meeting, anything with my ex, the whole summer… I don’t know when was the last time when I felt so lost. On the other hand, there may be a lot of opportunity if I’m lucky enough, so… Meh. I have really mixed feelings. Busy period is over, I’m not a machine anymore, but now my feelings flooded me. To make things worse, I started to miss my ex again. Just the usual stuff: I recall the memories, and then I suffer, because they were so really good and beautiful and euphoric and everything, but I can’t feel them anymore with her. It’s so painful to realize that our beautiful story is nothing now, with its every element: the moment when I first saw her, when the wind blew our hair into our faces and we discussed how we could make this ldr work, when I traveled to her city from a meeting just because her parents did not let her go, when she first arrived to my city, when I introduced her to my mom… Okay, I stop listing it. Too long, too painful for me, and too boring for you 😀Ahhggrr. Confusion. Confusion everywhere. Summer vacation is coming rapidly, I hope we’ll both have some steps forward 🙂
Huuuh! Finally here, finally having time, and finally my ex is not disturbing me! 😀
Basically, there was not so much happenings recently – I was so busy that I did not even have time for my own private life 😐About last night’s conversation, we did not get so far. She asked me if everything is okay with my soul, I replied yes (of course I lied). Then she said that she misses the happiness, and she haven’t been happy for a long time, after that I said my opinion about this happiness thing (how relative is it to be happy, etc., so mainly just general stuff). In the end, she said that “Well, a girl will come and you will be happy 😀 😀 😛 “. With exactly these emoticons – what is interesting because usually she doesn’t use that much. After that I wrote “well, we’ll see it :D”, then she replied “xddd”, and the conversation was over.
On the group chat, she is friendly with me as well.
Actually, I don’t know how to break the NC. We’re still in this semi-NC state, but… Start to talk her out of the blue after almost 4 months would be quite weird. What you wrote is definitely true, but… I don’t know :/ I thing as the summer holiday begins, I’ll set up a plan and I’ll try to make a few steps instead of sitting and crying in one place. But as I’ve mentioned I did not even have time to think about things deeply.
Maybe one of the meetings will bring some improvement as well.I’ve tried to show her the new video but she was not interested in it 🙁
About the party and the meeting I am confused. The party is still uncertain, and the meeting will be in late July – which is not exactly what I’ve planned. But anyway, at least it will happen 😀
I’ve found out a really strange thing. I’ve mentioned Snapchat, the social media through which she is sending pictures to me. In this app, you can’t see that who else got the picture that your friend sent you, but you can see a “score”, which shows how much pictures has a certain person got and how much has he sent (of course you can see your own points as well). I’ve started to do a really weird thing: I write down the score of my ex after a certain period of time again and again. Actually, this whole writing down thing may sound very crazy, but I was very lucky! Once I wrote down her points, and 5 minutes later, I’ve got a picture from her, with herself on it. I opened it, then I checked the score again – it was only increased by 4! Which means that she might have sent that picture only to me, and she received 3 others from her friends during that time, or she might have sent the picture to 3 people beside me – which is strange, because she has a lot of friends on snapchat, and why would she send a picture only to four of them, including me? I’m not sure which case occurred, but it’s really strange. Maybe it’s crazy, but I’ll keep on checking her score.To be honest, currently I don’t know how to feel about getting back with her and wanting her back. If she is still a good person inside, who would be a great partner for me, I’d consider a reunion, but I can’t really get closer to her. Maybe during summer. But summer, ehh… I don’t know what to expect.
I’m doing graphic stuffs in photoshop, for example, a header for a webpage or a blog, some logos, a picture with some cool-looking elements, or I can even design a whole webpage 😀 Actually, I would really like to share some drawings, but at the moment… Well, let’s say that I’m not on that level 😀 During the summer I hope I’ll improve, so if you’re interested you may see what I drew 😀
At first, I’ll move right after high school I think, and I will get used to the environment until the university starts. After university, I think I’ll stay there to live and to work.Wow 😀 What happened at her grandparents’ house sounds exciting 😀 You must have had a good time with her. And I think you’re very lucky that you and your ex have the physical attraction at least. To be honest, I have no idea why she is hesitating too much.
It’s hard to accept, and it’s even harder to avoid it, but I think your friend is right: you are too needy.
Ahh, I have much more to say, but I’m so tired. I’m taking little notes to remind myself what I wanted to say about your case, so I will be able to express everything next time 😀 (maybe tomorrow).
In this post I’ve only talked about happenings and facts, but an other post will come with discussing my feelings more deeply 😀 (Actually, for me it’s really good to do that in this forum).P. S. I think I made a lot of mistakes in this post. To be honest, I don’t know why I am so tired :/ Next time I won’t write at night! 😀
P. S. #2: Breaking News: Me and my ex are going to the same cam in early August. Hmm-hmm-hmm.
