Ok an update.
I did the week of no contact then sent the ‘clean slate’ via text as that was our most used form of communication. She replied that she was glad I was ok, I didn’t reply immediately, this was followed by her asking what learning mean’t. I replied to both texts the following morning before starting no contact. The reply was “Why wouldn’t I be ok? What are you the learning police? Ha ha” a form of in joke we had. She didn’t reply to it. Did I screw up with the joke?
I’ve invoked no contact, I’m on day two and feel stronger already.
I would really appreciate an opinion from someone on this though, thanks.