Loser555

@mr_the_ex

@patricia12

Hey guys, I hope that you are well.

I hope that you don’t mind an update on this situation (I understand that you do not understand my story as written above). But some things have happened since I last posted here, and I would really like your opinion on the stuff that has happened since last.

In summary, me and my ex were together for over six years, and we were top of the world for many of those years, until we at the end started to take eachother for granted, never do things for eachother anymore, and just focused on working. We never surprised eachother and the sexual relationship that once florished slowly died. My ex then broke up with me. After this, I were a GNAT and “harassed” her with texts saying how much I missed her, what wrongdoings I did, and how much I were working on myself. I know, I did all the things that I should not do. But here I am, more than 8 months after break-up and I can’t get my mind off her, and I am certain that she is The One for me. I have dated others, but nothing is home but her. But hear me out.

This is what has happened the latest 4 months or so.

After me “harassing” her with texts, she blocked me on pretty much everything. This was the first time that I gave her space and stopped texting her all-the-same. Shortly after that, we started to chat slowly again and eventually we started to meet. In the beginning, it was “because we have cats together” that were at my home, and she “wanted to meet so she could meet the cats”. This evolved into us meeting, and celebrated christmas together alone the day before Christmas, and she gladly came to my New Years Eves party along with my childhood friends (which is also her closest friends for the last 7 years or so).

After this, we started to play computer games together, on the evenings after work and such, hanging out together with mutual friends. I understand that this may not be the wisest decision, as I don’t want us to be “friends”, but everything was fun. It lead to us meeting on a greater basis, basically once a week, just watching a movie and talking.

Furthermore, we agreed that we should do something fun every week. One week it was my turn to find out something that we should do, and the next week it was her. Repeat. It was like this for about 2 months. We did Yoga, Sports, having Dinner, and other great activities. We had sleep-overs after every “activity”, but we never kissed, and we never had any sexual relation. We spooned, we gave eachother cheek-kisses.

In hindsight, I believe that I have been the one that have pressured us and saying that “this leads us back together”, making her be defensive. I have been saying things like “We are having such a good time, do you think there is ever a chance that we might take this to the next stage”, to which she replies “I don’t know” or “I couldn’t know if you are the right person or The One in the whole world”.

Eventually, after one of our activity-days we had a sleep-over, I pressured her once more saying “Do you think we have a chance of going back together” to which she said “I know that if we took the next stage, it would not work out”.

So after that, I sent her a text saying that we can not do this anymore if you are only doing this as friends, and that she knows where I am if she changed her mind or is ready to try what we can really do to repair our once-great relationship.

Shortly after that, she only sent me a text with a couple of hearts, and trying to get my attention by sending invites to mutual games that we like spending time on. But I have not talked or responded to anything yet, just ignoring that, since my text saying that “we can not do this anymore”.

So what I would really ask you for, is the following:
* Your thoughts of my situation
* What should be my next step

I think that if we were to do this all over again – I mean the last 4 months of doing things together, and I must say it has been so much fun and we are always having such a great time together – while me not pressuring her, and let her take the decision herself to try us, I think the outcome would be positive.

Please let me know of your thoughts of this.

Many thanks as always, you guys have been very helpful to me.

@patricia12

Thanks a lot of replying! I’m sorry if I was a bit vague in my original post. I will try to explain more in depth.

As for your first question – no, I never proposed. We live in Norway and it’s not as common to propose in our age as in the States, I believe. I think it felt like we had so much left to do before settling down on “the real deal” – marriage, buying a house, having children. We were both in the mindset of travelling the world together, working your career, partying, going on weekends, enjoying our “freedom”, so to speak.

The main reason for our break up was that the flame started to slowly end. We took each other for granted, and stopped going out and do activities. We both had the same hobbies, one of them being playing computer games. I think that as we could sit next to each other and play, we eventually got stuck doing just that. We were comfortable for a long time just in our own company. It was noticeable to both that this habit were strenuous to the both of us. It started to become a sister/brother relationship which was never our intent.

I firmly believe that the both of us have strong love for each other, but that the relationship was horribly mistreated. Both of us have said the same thing. But as a result of mistreating our relationship, she was just not “in love with me” anymore. It had faded away for some time prior to breaking up. My point of view is – and I of course could be very wrong – that the two of us are still a perfect match with a relationship that needs to be repaired. As we got together very young in the first place, we have had no experience on phases or how to handle this. I believe that this break up was a very much needed eye opener to be able to reach the next stages in our relationship, as being together is the only thing we know.

I’m sorry that I don’t have any real reasons, like cheating, harassing, being aggressive… there just isn’t one of those “real” reasons for our break up. We took each other for granted, the flame died and she questioned if we were really were “the one”, meant for each other. Because how could she know? How can you ever know?

For these reasons, I’m hopeful. I believe that we are absolutely right for each other and that we will be happy if we were given another shot after this eye opener. Maybe we just needed time to get out of these habits. And that if we would find each other again, we would have had the time to reflect on all the positive pillars that hold us and our relationship together and that the small part of negative parts are easily repairable and easily avoidable.

This writing is very much my own perspective, and I know this. I’m just having trouble viewing this from an “outsiders” perspective. Am I persuading myself?

I want to mention too that she is not adamant about not trying us again. The last response in this matter from her have been “I don’t know if we should give it a try. I need some space. I don’t know when I want to give it a try, if ever”.

In my mind, this tells me that she is insecure about her decision and that I have a chance to actually prove myself and being able to win her back, granted I have actually changed to being my former self (the non-take-for-granted person). But on the other hand she might not know how to put it out correctly how to actually end it. I think she knows that I wouldn’t be able to remain friends, that would be too hard for me. Maybe she don’t want to lose me as a friend since I’ve been her best friend for so many years?

And, I want to point out that if she would ask me to leave her because we would not be able to go back together, I would absolutely do so. I want her to be as happy as she possibly can be, I love her so much. I just hope to be the person that makes her that happy, because I know that I can, and I want us to share our lives and history together. Because I know her to the inner atom of her heart.

Considering all this, I’m so, so unsure about what my next steps should be. Should I try to move on and not talk with her at all? Should I do no contact for a for weeks? Or should I do something else? What could possibly be our chances of finding each other again?

I hope that this text gives you some intention of what I mean, and I am again really glad for your responses. Please don’t take this wrong, but I would of course rather appreciate true facts than encouraging facts regarding my story.

Please let me know if you wonder something else. Thanks again in advance!