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I came across this article by the “love doctor” online and she talks about how she believes staying in contact with your ex significantly increases your chances of getting back together. She says that staying in contact shows mental strength and emotional maturity, loss of communication means the two of you become disconnected and the longer it goes the more you become disconnected, open lines of communication gives you a better idea of where you stand and if there’s a chance of getting back together whereas no contact leaves you in false hope for longer than necessary, and also that open communication gives you a chance to demonstrate how things can be different.
I’m curious what people’s thoughts on this is. In a way I agree with her, but I also understand the importance of no contact. While open communication with your ex can be great it can also backfire. I believe the lines of communication are still open between my ex and I. He never once said to me to not contact him, and when I have needed to ask him something, he’s always responded. A week ago we even expressed to each other how hard it’s been not being able to talk to each other.
While I do agree with you @patricia12 that I should let him initiate contact, I’m also torn. I know he’s confused, but part of me wonders if he wants me to still talk to him and try to make him change his mind? Certain things he’s said has made me believe that. I would never beg, but I do see how staying in contact helps build attraction again. If I don’t initiate anything and wait to see if he messages me, I sort of feel like I’m holding on to false hope. I also don’t want him to think that I don’t care.
@patricia12 – Thank you. I’m going to give him time and not message him. I really do want to be with him, I obviously didn’t want the relationship to end. Things seemed like they were going well because I was going to move there. We did struggle a lot with communication over texting. He wasn’t a big phone or FaceTime guy, although he did make the effort to call me often. He said he felt trapped in the relationship at times and that is why he was unhappy. I think a big part of it was that he was the only one out of his close friend group who was in a relationship, and they would all go out together. I don’t think he’s ready for a committed relationship especially if he’s saying he needs to be single. But I do think he still cares about me. In a way though it sounds like he’s trying to keep me in his life possibly as the back burner, the way he keeps saying he is confused and needs to organize his thoughts it’s like he’s stringing me along because he doesn’t fully want to lose me. Since I am still using his Spotify account I can see what music he has been listening to and he’s been listening to a lot of sad, depressing songs since we broke up. The situation sucks but I am not going to put my life on hold for him. I do think it is harder this time around, also because he came back once so it’s giving me hope that maybe he will do it again.
