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That’s all right. He probably realizes you’re upset and doesn’t know his next move at the time. What’s the longest you two have ever been NC?
Your response went through. Thank you. 🙂 I’m glad you suggested I check out your story because it has so many similarities to mine its ridiculous… It sickened me because it made me revisit all the unfaithful things my ex had done to me.
Exactly, someone can have crazy feelings for you, but they don’t want to look crazy by coming over and knocking on your door when there’s a chance you won’t be home, even more awkward if someone else besides them is home.
No that won’t impact his feelings for you at all. You spent 3 years with him. He’s not erasing that overnight. I can’t even forget about my ex for an hour and we’ve been broken up for almost 3 months.
I won’t lie, I’ve met girls since our break up who can briefly get my mind off of her, but as soon as we go separate ways its right back to thinking about the ex. The feelings and memories just don’t disappear.
That’s a really good sign if he’s already initiating conversation. No closure on your end is playing in your favor. Definitely don’t settle for a “you up” text. That means he is expecting a response. Once it processes that you’re not putting up with his games anymore, he will likely take greater actions and sell you something far more than a “you up” text. It’s up to you when and if you choose to buy in though. He’s clearly thinking about you already so you will probably get something like that sooner rather than later. I’d stick out NC until you see something from him that indicates you are definitely what he wants. That’s just me, but I feel like it depends on how you feel and what you want to see from him to consider trying again.
A lot of people told me the only way I should ever break NC is if my ex either shows up at my door or says the words “I want you back”. I feel like the reason they say that is because if that person truly loves you they will do whatever it takes to be with you. I don’t 100% agree with them because I feel like if the ex is continuously making effort to reach out then you need to decide when the correct time to step in or else they may truly think you just don’t want to talk to them ever again, unless you’re okay with that result.
I think NC will work in your situation. I also think having a good last week together will no doubt play in your favor. Those are the first memories he’s going to be look back at when trying to figure out why you’re not responding. You’re doing the right thing. I would just think of your expectations for him if he is to win you back. Not like superman flying over to your window confessing his love to you, but the minimum you want to see from him. That’s where I think you should set the bar.
It’s definitely weird that he never responded after your apology and several texts after that. When you finally do get a reply, its an “We need to talk” text. He does care for you, but he sounds like he would be a good match for my ex. They really do care but they need to grow up and realize they can only have one person.
I would say go NC if you’re confident in your assumption. If he can’t make his mind up on whether he does or doesn’t want you. I wouldn’t have any intention in talking to him. That’s not fair for you. It’s going to mess with his head because you already agreed to meet up and you just cut him off completely.
When I get any sort of indication that my ex has been looking over me during the break up it is usually very calming for me. In reference to your linkedin account. However the next day or so I usually start going crazy. I have a desire to break NC. Hopefully in that area you’re stronger than me.
I hate jobs like that. I think they just say things like that to tick you off because they know you’re getting out of that hole and you’re off to doing bigger and better things. I am happy you’re out of there too. You don’t deserve all the excess stress.
Hey Everyone.
I’ve been thinking about texting her for a couple reasons. I want to rule out a possibility of her thinking I hate her guts for ignoring her possible attempt to reconcile. I’ve been feeling like being NC this whole time may be diminishing my chances of her ever coming back. I also want to put the ball back in her court because she needs to understand she is the one who has to take action if she really wants this to work. I would like it to be short, casual, give her the ball back, and make her realize I’m not waiting on her.
Here is a rough draft:
“Thank you for the message you sent me. I wasn’t and am still unsure on how to respond, until I know for a fact what it is you want. It is hard to put your words to certainty due to the new relationship. I accept the break up and am going to continue carrying out positive changes in my life regardless. There is a lot I would like to share with you, but now isn’t a good time. I wish you the best.”
Given my situation would sending something like this be a bad idea or should I just stay where I’m at? I feel like she really was expecting a response from the last text and since I didn’t give it to her that may lead her too think I’m done for good, which isn’t really how I want it to be.
I can see why you tried to warn them though. That thought has crossed my mind before. Like showing the new bf that text she sent me. I don’t see any point in doing that for my situation though. She will just cling to the next guy who gives her attention then.
There is definitely an emotional vs mental battle going on inside of me. I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes. I’d like to go a single day without thinking about her. Some of these stalkerish things she does isn’t helping matters.
When she acts out with these phone calls, texts, and drive bys it feels so good at first knowing she still has feelings for me, but usually the next day after an event like this, it takes my progress backwards so much and I don’t know why. Like tonight has been awful for me due to the call from last night. I either want her to come back or go away. Not this in between crap.
Thank you for all your kind words. It’s nice to know I’m not crazy lol. Yeah same here, no one else really saw good in her but me. Apparently some people think cheating is something they can’t control. It’s just ignorant in my opinion, thinking only about yourself while in a relationship. Clearly those people don’t think about the future when making a decision like that.
I think she knows she messed up too, but even though she realizes this I’m surprised at how she’s doesn’t put any meaningful actions into doing something about it. Certainly calling me on fake numbers and breathing in the phone doesn’t count. Maybe in fear that I won’t take her back, but at this point it shouldn’t be about that. How can you have a relationship with someone, especially physically, then think about your ex all day? That’s disgusting to me. It makes me wonder how many guys she has thought about leaving me for while we were dating. I know of at least 3.
Thank you 🙂 I had to go through a lot in order to keep and stick to this mindset. I’m confident I will find someone else who doesn’t take advantage of me. Maybe it will be her, but I can’t put my life on hold any longer waiting for something that I’m starting to accept will never happen.
I hope she comes back changed too. Thank you for all of your support. 🙂
Sorry in advanced for the long post. You wrote me a long thorough response, which I thank you for 🙂 , and I wanted to return the favor.
You hit it right on the head about everything and I agree. The immaturity, games, cheating, lies, and repeating cycles perfectly sums up my ex.
During the process of breaking up she told me she loves me, but she wants to be single for awhile because there is so much life has to offer, or some bs. Literally the next day I’m out at bar with some supportive friends and we’re getting ready to go home. I see her walk out of a hookah joint and get in another guy’s car(probably the new bf). That’s where I finally decided. That will be the last time she will ever lie and cheat on me.
She does need to cut the new guy because clearly she’s not over me which isn’t fair to him. She has him there to replace me and it’s not working. He doesn’t know any of this. Although I will admit that’s on him and his own logic for trying to sign up with a girl immediately out of a 4 year relationship.
After they break up and if she still wants to pursue me then she needs to call me and pour her heart out, or at bare minimum text me and schedule a meet up. She better have a pretty good speech prepared with it. I think that’s the only scenario where this works out. Just like you said. It has to be because she realizes what shes doing is wrong in general, not just to get me back.
It really does bother me knowing you read my posts and realized this was similar behavior to your old ex. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did, because clearly you understand how bad it sucks to love and care for someone who treats us like this. No one deserves that. She is my first love, which I believe had a huge role in why this went on for so long.
Do I really want her back. That’s the big question. I feel she has so much potential to be everything I want in a girl, but she surrounds herself with the wrong people and can’t think rationally on her own. Which unfortunately go together because she seeks out her bad influence of friends when she can’t decide on something. I don’t think she’s stupid, but more so immature. That’s now a deal breaker for me and I will not go back to that. I know I can find someone way better than what her current self offers.
That last sentence about “realizing what she’s doing is not helpful to all involved”. I couldn’t have said it better myself. If there is one thing she is notorious for it’s not putting herself in someone else shoes. That might be the single thing she needs to learn in order to become that person I’m looking for. I hope that her losing me and having to be more independent will help her achieve this.
Your comment didn’t upset me at all. It’s actually uplifting for me to know that others, like yourself, have gotten through this. It also helps me knowing that you were in a identical situation. You basically took a lot of what was on my mind and put it in place for me. Now its just more healing/time and things will continue to look up for me.
Thanks again for taking the time to give me your opinion and share with me about your similar experiences. I appreciate it. 🙂
I just received another anonymous phone call. I pick up and hear a quiet background. I say hello twice, then I hung up after 10 seconds of no response.
Anyone ever been on either of end of something like this and know the purpose of it?
I have way too much time to think about the break up. Which is good and bad. It sucks knowing I may have had an opportunity to have her back right now, but I’m not going to settle for the old relationship because its a waste of time. She has to be committed. I’m happy you agree with my view point. Thank you Jasminka and Kalicooldude.
If it was meant to be she won’t give up.
This girl has at the very least, emotionally cheated on me 3 different times. Her friend once told me she physically cheated, but my ex denied it. Texting her back now I feel would make me look desperate. This weekend I think she tried to call me on a private number around 10pm. I never get those kind of calls, especially that late. The following evening I saw her drive by my house real slow.
I guess in a way I’m terrified of being the one to initiate contact. I feel like that gives her some sort of justification to the actions she has made. In order for us to be able to work out I think it has to be her showing me I am what she wants.
I wanted a little more than that last text, because it didn’t exactly give me an open door. I could come knocking then she could say “I told you I wasn’t trying to win you back” then close it forever. I think that would hurt me more than it does now. What I should of did was heard her out, but I was sticking to NC and I wasn’t sure if that was my best opportunity to break NC.
I also don’t like what she’s doing to this new boyfriend. If I was really what she wanted I feel she would leave him and pursue me harder. If he was what she wanted she wouldn’t engage in talking and creeping on me. We know he doesn’t know about any of this and I can’t tolerate that kind of behavior from her anymore. Not just toy around with two guys emotions.
If I have to initiate contact, then convince her to dump him. I feel like, once again, I’m doing 100% of the work. I don’t think that would make me feel confident in a reconciliation with her.
I also fear/wonder that same thing myself about not responding has made her think I moved on and don’t want to get back together. I do want to be with her again, but shes like some sort of serial cheater/liar. That has to end if it is to work out between us. I don’t think its my place to try to initiate it after she has hurt me so many times.
