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I had so mucch trouble opening up to family and stuff too. I looked at it as weakness and it cost me years of being distant with those closest to me. Thankfully my whole family are very supportive.
I was guilty of mistreating my gf too. She had a mental health issue and I had no one to talk to about it and didn’t understand it really. When i had too much to drink I’d end up saying hurtful things to her and she had an issue with me being too drunk as her dad used to do that. I was alwyas a big drinker and going out with mates was one of my main pleasures. I wish I had given it up as I think i broke her trust too many times over the drinking.
I’m considering a therapist but haven’t pulled the trigger. I think I really need to address my issues around losing my dad but tbh I’m scared to do it.
My gf wasn’t perfect and had her own issues. She felt she couldn’t get better with me as her partner. I admire the sacrifice she made as i know she loves me. She used to say she held me back etc. but the happiness she gave me was worth every difficult night. Like you I treasure the times we had and she has imporved me as a person without doubt. Maybe that’s all it was meant to be?
I’m NC for about a month and I’m gonna keep it up for a bit longer. I have a job interview tomorrow so that would be a big positive change. Fingers crossed.
We lived together for 2 years and remembering things we did, like sit and watch a film on a sunday evening or go for walks together almost feels like a dream. Do you feel like the recent past is so distant?
It’d be good to keep this going and maybe try and support each other for a bit? I don’t like to open up to friends about this sort of stuff…
Hop you can work on your behaviours. I’d say it’s hard to change yourself but reflecting like you’re doing is the best thing. Have you tired Headspace? I need to get back into that as it’s really useful.
Hope you don’t mind me saying that you sound quite young – under 25. If you keep breaking up then maybe you’re not compatible. You can still love each other and be incompatible. It’s not easy to realise and I’m only just getting there myself. I’m 31.
I would love to get back with my ex but right now I’m in NC and asking myself serious questions!
Hey man, you have no idea how simialr my situ seems to yours.
I had plenty signals in my relationship that I needed to take action to rectify things but didn’t. I thought love was enough and I knew we were both in love so I didn’t bother to make any changes… then you can guess the rest.
Sounds like you’ve made some awesome improvements in your life in such a short time. I bet it feels great even though you can’t share it with her. You need to learn to love yourself – as I am trying to do. These changes hopefully make you realise you’re a good guy and that your life happiness doesn’t depend on one person. If they’re in it then all the better but if not you need to be able to cope on your own. Even as I right this advice to you I’m thinking how much it applies to me too.
I really hope you keep making changes and deal with the issues inside you. I denied I had anything like the issues I actually had for ages. My Dad died when I was 7 and apart from the odd crying session (about 1 every 2/3 years) I bottled everything up. I realise only now it’s had a huge impact on my life, growing up with just 1 parent raising 3 kids, and I only realised when I was 29.
What I’m trying to say is improve yourself because you’re worth it. Enjoy your sport, enjoy learning a new skill, enjoy the challenge of your new job. Things won’t always be great but the downs make the ups even better. Also time is the biggest healer. I really want a new releationship with my ex becasue I think it has awesome potential but the time of NC has taught me that I can carry on if I have to so I hope you get that feeling too.
Sorry for the long post. Keep us up to date.
Hello and thank you for sharing.
I agree one of the hardest things is to decide whether your ex is worth it. We make them out to be perfect but they have flaws as we do too. In the first stages of a break up you can only see the good. I also came out of our relationship with less money which hurts but there’s more important things.
I know my ex-gf has good and bad parts. I’m hoping to win her back as her bad bits aren’t always her fault, she suffers depression. I have to decide if I’d rather be with someone without this illness and maybe there’s someone out there who could make me just as happy… I just don’t know. I do know that my ex-gf gave me some of the happiest times in my life. While there were hard bits too they didn’t compare to the good.
Anyway, I feel your pain and I hope you can come to a decision in your own mind that you can live with and makes you happy.
Thank you for your reply.
Yes, I was working.
She had some mental health issues which she said she needed to deal with by herself (anorexia / depression). We’d been working through it together for a while but I struggled to understand. I was never not supportive but I think unless you have a mentl health issues you’ll never know what it’s like. Since then I’ve been studying up on them and it’s really opened my eyes. She would often say I deserve better than her or I would have more fun with someone else and asked me to leave her multiple times. While the thought crossed my mind in the darkest times I would never have done it because I love her and the good bits far outweigh the bad for me.
The message shhe sent was just about a subscription we had together, she was asking for the password but I ignored. Since then I saw her in public for like half a second and she saw me but there was no time to react to each other thankfully.
I’m meeting tinder girl next week for a casual drink. She seems nice but I’m really doing it as part of the improving myself and my confidence process. I’d rather have my ex back.
